Spending three nights and two and a half days in the hospital hadn’t exactly been in our plans for Ben just a month after a very easy and successful heart valve replacement procedure.

But unfortunately the Afib decided it was much more dominant than a new heart valve, and if you’ve read our installment of Matters of the Heart, Part 22, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

Although we were so sure our hospital stays were over, once the Afib came back just three weeks after the cardioversion two days after the valve replacement, it was unfortunately a matter of time. At the emergency room he was hooked up to IV’s once again, given stronger meds to steady his heart rate, and IV injections of lasix to reduce the fluid buildup which had put him in a serious state of congestive heart failure.

And as nice as the new cardiac wing of that hospital was, and as friendly and caring as the nurses were, it still wasn’t the place he’d planned to be that week, and it wasn’t fun trying to get his body back to some semblance of normalcy so he could come back home and be able to function normally until the next cardiac procedure to hopefully eliminate the Afib once and for all!

Which was still over three weeks away.

When he finally came home he was somewhat better. The meds were helping the Afib a little, although it still didn’t go away, but the shortness of breath continued. Some days were worse than others, and he still didn’t have the energy to go back to work.

The next week was Fourth of July. We always had a cookout with friends over. This year it was extremely modified. Just a couple of close girlfriends and I were in the pool that afternoon, and Ben did manage to grill burgers for us, but he was mostly confined to staying inside in the air conditioning and watching baseball on TV. Not much excitement over a long holiday weekend, since he really didn’t feel like going anywhere. We even missed a birthday party for one of Ashley’s friends’ daughter, something we’ve never missed.

Increasing the lasix helped a bit, and he was able to go back to work the next week, although in the office rather than his regular courier routes. But at least he was able to feel productive and get out of the house!

For those of you who cannot really imagine what this is like, let me try to explain. For Ben, it’s a day by day ordeal, wondering each morning how he’s going to feel. If his heart rate will be jumping all over the charts, which makes him exhausted. If his blood pressure will stay in the normal range or drop dangerously low requiring another hospital visit. If the fluid accumulation will become worse which causes difficulty breathing and shortness of breath, making it a chore to go up stairs, lift anything over about 7 pounds, or even go for a walk. Some mornings he’s ok for a while, and some mornings he says he felt like he didn’t get any sleep when I know he did.

It’s no fun living like that, and he keeps saying he’s just waiting for something else to happen to cause another trip to the emergency room. He checks his heart rate 3-4 times a day as well as his blood pressure, and makes sure to text me the results.

For me…I worry. I can’t help it. I still wake up at night and listen to be sure he’s breathing. If he has to get up during the night, I immediately wake up as well and can’t help but ask if he’s ok. I take notice of the swelling in his abdomen and his feet and ankles and remind him to put his feet up every chance he gets. I watch his facial expressions and have learned to tell when he’s not feeling right, or getting short of breath again.

And yes, I probably nag him too much to take it easy when I think he’s overdoing it. He tells me he knows his limitations, but to me, it seems he stretches them a bit because he just wants to do what he normally does. Which worries me as well. But it’s difficult watching your husband go through this struggle, and not being able to fix it.

Fortunately his ablation and upgrading his pacemaker will be done shortly. All we can do now is wait, and pray it will correct this situation once and for all.

It’s a journey, although not one we chose. But we’re getting through it with the help of good friends, family, and understanding co-workers. And some excellent doctors.

More to follow, in Matters of the Heart, Part 24.