Monthly Archives: October 2022

Pumpkins and Craziness Are Here Again!

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It’s that time of year once again. The time when there’s that little nip of coolness in the air, especially the first thing in the morning. Even the sunlight seems crisper, giving us a hint of the chill that’s soon to follow. Yes, it’s that time of year that shuffles in the true end of summer. And shuffle is a good term, because I always go into it dragging my feet, kicking and screaming, because as I’ve said many times, I’m a spring/summer/flip flop type of girl!

And yes, I’m complaining about it again! Just like I do every year.

We can feel the chill in the air every morning, even though it sometimes warms up in the afternoon. The trees turn into a palette of new colors; bright oranges and yellows and vibrant reds. And all those leaves begin to fall all over the yard, getting raked into piles of crisp color that we adults are just a bit tempted to jump into it when no one is looking, like we did when we were children! Or, in our case, they fall in the pool and my husband has to keep scooping them out.

fall-leaves

Yes, I will admit, the colors are really pretty, and can be breathtaking, depending on where you go to see them. My husband likes to drive over to the mountains and enjoy the spectacular views. And they are pretty. But if it’s up to me, I’ll look at other people’s pictures online and think how pretty they are, and then dream about how long it’ll be until it gets warm again.

Then there are the pumpkins. Everywhere. In store and even restaurant displays, and piled along those roadside stands. Some even have carved faces already, and yes, I’ve been tempted to buy a couple of them to carve, but our son-in-law does that for the grandkids now, so we let him have all the fun.  But you can also buy craft pumpkins now that you can carve as well. No mess. But not nearly as fun. I remember when I was growing up and my uncle making the most beautiful jack-o’-lanterns. Over fifty years ago, he was painting faces and other designs on the pumpkins rather than carving them, because they’d last longer. He was certainly ahead of his time, and if he were still here today, I’m sure he’d still be doing it, only much more elaborate.

And speaking of pumpkins, don’t you think the pumpkin craze is getting a bit out of hand now? I do like pumpkin pie, but pumpkin spiced coffee? Pumpkin glazed donuts? Pumpkin flavored pop tarts? Pumpkin flavored Oreos? Please, no……I like pumpkin pie, but all the different pumpkin flavored stuff…no. Pumpkin ice cream is making its appearance now, and pumpkin flavored potato chips and pretzels. Then there are pumpkin dipped dog biscuits… Just please. No. I just can’t. And now I just heard that a local restaurant has created a pumpkin pizza! I’m not going there.

However. There are a few things that I can appreciate about this time of year.

candy_0For one, there is a LOT of candy on sale right now. And I do like to keep my candy bowl on my desk filled with all kinds of wonderful chocolate candy bars, miniature ones of course, just in case I get an urge during the day for a quick pick-me-up! Even though I’m now working from home, I still have that bowl. Chocolate can give you a pick-me-up, thank goodness, and on certain days I really need that. And I’m sure many of you reading this are like us, and buy your supply of Halloween candy based on what YOU like to eat, and not necessarily what the kids are going to want, so you can enjoy the leftovers! Is there any other way to buy it?

And I have to admit I did enjoy seeing the costumes the kids were wearing when they came to our door to get their candy. The little ones were always adorable, but now we’re not home on Halloween night, because we go to our daughter and son-in-law’s neighborhood with the grandkids and help them collect the candy! Their development goes all out, with almost everyone decorating their yards, with many of the families sitting out in their driveways with portable firepits and candy, and yes, some adult beverages. It’s one big party. Almost everyone rents a golf cart and drives around the neighborhood (they live on a golf course), and of course the golf carts are always decorated for the occasion.

And this year, our daughter will actually be wearing a Halloween costume, or her version of one. Here she is modeling it with our granddaughters who are looking forward to becoming big sisters in early January!!Expecting Halloween Costume

pauline-and-fowler-halloween1951When I was growing up, most of us dressed up for Halloween, but very seldom in anything scary or spooky. My hometown had an annual Halloween parade, with several of the main streets blocked off so the participants could march around our little business district and the county courthouse. Children and adults paraded around streets in costumes and competed for prizes, and the streets were filled with onlookers. My aunt and uncle actually won first prize in the adult division one year, dressed as Raggedy Ann and Andy. Weren’t they looking sharp? (How many of you know who Raggedy Ann and Andy are?) And if memory serves me correctly, I think some of the local churches sponsored the parade and contributed the prizes!

I can’t remember the last time I saw a Halloween parade. But they were a lot of fun! At least to us kids, and the adults who still acted like kids. It was just a fun time to enjoy ourselves, and get candy, of course!

So once again I guess I’m sort of stuck with it being fall. I can’t change it, so I have to make the most of it. I can wear my jeans and sweaters with my boots, enjoy our toasty fireplace with a glass of wine, and count the days until Thanksgiving and Christmas.

And I can remember that spring is, sort of, just around the corner!

José Guadalupe Posada

You May Plan Every Step of Your Life

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But sometimes life happens. And you have to let life happen. Your plans don’t always happen the way you planned.

And change can be unsettling, sometimes scary. 

But once in awhile you have to let go. And take a risk.

Because if you don’t take that risk, don’t try to see what you can accomplish, you’ll never know what could have been.

Think about it. 

What if you’d ignored that phone call you didn’t really want to answer…you know, the one asking you to come in for an interview for a job you really didn’t think you wanted. But you were desperate.

And although it wasn’t what you’d planned, it turned out to be one of the best decisions of your life.

What if you’d turned down the person too many times who kept asking you to go out because every relationship you’d had turned out to be a disaster? What if that person had given up before you gave in and said yes?

And that person turned out to be the one you’d been waiting for all along and didn’t even realize it. And twenty years later you’re still together enjoying a wonderful life. Maybe not who you’d planned it with, but so much better.

What if you’d decided to give up on your dream to become a teacher, a lawyer, a doctor, or an author, and spent decades of your life doing something you really didn’t enjoy, while dreaming about what could have been.

You can plan your life. You can plan every step of it, and refuse to change one thing, but what if there was something more that you wanted, but were afraid to take a chance?

And what happens when the life you have is suddenly not there, or suddenly changes, and you have no idea what to do? 

You make another plan.

Life happens, and change comes knocking on your door when you least expect it. Sometimes it gives up and goes away to give that opportunity to someone else, and sometimes it breaks your door down and forces you to make changes you don’t think you’re ready for.

But life knows better than you do; better than we do. And in the end, the life you thought you wanted and needed, becomes the past, and a new life opens up for you.

Life had another plan other than the one you’d planned.

And you discover it’s the one you wanted all along.

Wanting Something

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…doesn’t make it happen.

You have to work for it to make it happen. It’s not going to come to you by thinking about it and dreaming about it. You can’t just wait for it to happen. You have to do something.

Yes, I’ve heard the saying good things come to those who wait. But I know people who’ve been waiting for years for that good thing to happen and it hasn’t. Because sitting back and waiting doesn’t make it happen, does it?

You have to take a first step in order to make it happen; to accomplish your goal. 

But first you need to define that goal. I don’t mean just saying you want a new job, or start a business, or find a new place to live, maybe lose weight, or find a new relationship.

Those are goals, but a goal can’t begin to succeed unless you have a plan.

Just wanting something, dreaming about something, don’t make it happen. Telling all your friends what you want to do won’t make it happen either.

You actually have to do something to make it happen. Step out of your comfort zone. I know it’s not easy, but if you want something bad enough, that’s what you have to do.

You won’t know what can happen unless you try.

And that first step isn’t easy. But the second is a little easier. 

And by the third and the fourth…you’ve got this!

The Day After

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It always starts with a different feeling in the air. The feeling that today is a new beginning. 

Until it all comes rushing back.

For too many, the day after brings back all of the sadness, the grief, the loss, and we find ourselves once again trying to make sense of it all.

The day after a joyous event is a day to rejoice in, and to look forward to the future. A day of planning and new beginnings.

But the day after a crushing event seems to be another day that will only end in more sadness. A day that we don’t think we’ll get through. A day that has a different kind of new beginning.

But somehow we get through it.

Because we have to.

Because there are others counting on us and looking for direction as to how to continue on.

And somehow we get through it with a strength we didn’t know we had.

Because an ending is also a new beginning. Not one we’ve necessarily looked forward to, but a new beginning nonetheless.

And somehow we do get through it and slowly start our new beginning.

One step at a time. One hour at a time One day at a time.

Until we get where we need to be in our new beginning. And we step out and start over

When Your Memories Are Different from the Actual Events

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It happens all the time; more often than you think.

Why? Because it’s easier than remembering the heartache, the pain, the disappointment. It’s easier to shift the blame on someone else to justify things that happened in the past that we still don’t understand. Or make us feel embarrassed because we did something dumb that we’re ashamed of.

Sometimes we make memories happier than they actually were because the actual memories are too painful to recount. Or we want others to think our lives were happier than they really were.

Sometimes we make up memories in an attempt to either justify something we did, or should have done, because we think it will make us look better in other people’s eyes. Or to make people think we’ve accomplished more than we have.

Or we make up memories in order to hurt others, to make them look bad, usually because we’ve been hurt so badly by them, we want to hurt them even more than they hurt us.

Sometimes the memories start to blur until we have difficulty discerning what was true and what we made up.

Memories can be that way. And as we get older, it’s worse, because our memories slowly begin to decline over the years. But that’s another story altogether.

I’ll admit that my memories of my earlier years aren’t nearly as vivid as I’d like. And it seems the ones I really remember most clearly are ones associated with unhappy events, such as the days surrounding the death of my father, which memories are far more vivid than my few memories of the good times I had with him. Why? Most likely because I was so young, and at those young ages the traumatic times sometimes take over the happy memories.

If I really stop and think about it, there are lots of memories I can conjour up from the past, but they’re ones I don’t dwell on. Yes, many are happy, like my wedding to Ben, and the joy of finding out we were having a daughter, and the happiness when I gave birth to her, but many others are not.

Like the day I walked into my mother’s room at the rehab center and seeing her body  lying there, lifeless, my aunt in a state of shock and crying. I will forever see that picture in my mind’s eye. It’s not something you can forget.

Or the time my husband coded in the ER right before my eyes, as I sat there helpless, watching the staff work their miracles to bring him back. And thankfully they did.

Each and every one of us have such memories. They’re a part of us, and even though they may become distorted over time, we still remember.

Even though we may not want to admit them to others. Because they’re so painful and embarrassing we change them around somewhat to make them less hurtful.

And even while I’m writing this, many of those are coming back to me.

It’s ok, though, because most of us have finally put the hurt behind us and moved on.

And we’ve changed the memories enough so that we can live with them, knowing how far we’ve come, and sensing the good memories that still lie ahead to be made with the people we love.

Pinteresting in my Mind…at 3 AM

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Well, what else can I do at that time when I can’t sleep? I don’t want to get up because then I KNOW I won’t go back to sleep. At least if I stay in bed, there’s still a chance. Not always a good one, but still a chance.

The other night, though…that chance flew out the window when my eyes opened. Both Yorkies were curled up beside me, one against my hip and the other at my feet. And I didn’t dare move because I didn’t want to wake THEM up!

My husband was sleeping soundly as well. And yes, I was jealous! I knew waking him up wasn’t a good idea either.

So what to do? I refuse to pick up my phone that late because the light would disturb the husband and the dogs, well, I’m actually more concerned with the dogs. And it would definitely prevent me from having even a remote chance of more shut-eye.

That’s when it happened.

I’m in the process of planning a baby shower for our daughter. Yes, I have several friends helping me, but I like to collect a lot of ideas and then share them to decide what to do.

And suddenly all the ideas and pictures I’d seen and pinned to my Pinterest baby shower board started running through my mind.  Buffet table displays, cute food ideas, cupcakes and cakes, decorating ideas (including more diaper craft creations), even baby shower games. It wouldn’t stop….

Then it was party food. Although we’d planned most of the menu already, my mind continued to go crazy adding things, and going as far as making a shopping list with store names for each item. In my mind, of course!

Even stranger, I actually remembered all of what I was thinking and was able to write it all down when I finally got up. Boy, do I have a long list of more things to do now!

Anyone else find themselves doing things like this? And I wonder what I’ll end up doing the next time?

Ideas for another book? Another blog or two? Maybe another Christmas tree? 

Personally, I’d rather just be able to sleep….

Ghosts and Catfish

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I know you’re probably thinking what in the world do those two things have in common? Well, in today’s world, quite a bit.

If you’re talking about online dating, that is. There are actually a number of new terms that have come about to describe some of the actions of the users of these dating sites. I had no idea until I looked up a few to fill out this post. 

Fortunately I’m not in that particular world, but I have several friends who are right now. And I have to say, I’m glad I’m not in that situation for a lot of reasons!

First of all I’ve been happily married to my spouse for almost 38 years. That’s a long time, and we’ve gone through a lot. And we’re still together, which says a lot these days.

But for my friends who are not as fortunate as we are, life is a bit more complicated than you’d think it would be in the world of online dating.

First of all let me say that several of our friends have had good experiences with this, and are now happily married to the person they’ve always hoped for. It happens. But it isn’t always as quick, or as easy, as they’d like.

Some of our friends were fortunate enough to find the right one within a few months, and others, well, they’re still searching. 

There are a lot of dating sites out there now. Many offer free trial periods as well as paid subscriptions. Which one is the best? I don’t begin to have an answer because I’m not in that situation. But I sure hear a lot of stories from friends.

It sounds as though most (being at least 51%) of the people on these dating sites are on the up and up, that is, being honest about who they are, what they look like, age, occupation, and what they’re looking for in a relationship. 

There are others, though, who try to make themselves more than they are by, shall we say stretching the truth a bit, or posting photos of themselves that are either a bit outdated, or not even them to make themselves more desirable to others. Or, even worse, “borrowing” or stealing someone else’s identity and posing as someone they’re not. That’s called catfishing, and please don’t ask me why because I have no clue. It’s just a pitfall of online dating. 

Actually I heard a story about a guy who presented himself as a doctor in his profile. He talked about all the good work he was doing, the long hours, and even describing the hospital where he worked. He described his first date with a woman he met online as fantastic, they had so much in common, etc. but she wouldn’t return his calls. The reason: as she said, “you told me you’re a doctor, and then I find out you’re a food service worker in the hospital cafeteria!”

“Well, I figured you wouldn’t want to go out with me if I told you the truth! Can we try again?” Uhh, no. I think there’s an honesty problem here?

Then there’s breadcrumbing. A person  seems interested and will carry on conversations for days. Then stop. Then come back a few days later and start talking again. Talk about getting together. Then nothing. Then it happens again. He/she just wants to keep that person interested in case he/she decides their current relationship isn’t working. Sort of like dating insurance? Or maybe plans to cheat? I’ve had that happen to several of my friends. It’s actually kind of creepy. Time to block them, I say!

And ghosting. Which is just what it implies. The other person starts a conversation that goes on for awhile and may even result in a date or two. Things seem to be going good and then suddenly nothing. No text responses, no return phone calls, just silence. To me that’s not only rude, it’s a lack of manners; a lack of common courtesy. 

If you’re not interested anymore, have the guts to tell the other person, instead of hiding behind your phone or computer. Be honest enough to tell the other person why you’ve lost interest. It may be a simple misunderstanding rather than a perceived problem that can be rectified.

How about orbiting? When someone is constantly checking you out on your social media pages, but not contacting you any more. Talk about weird…and unsettling….

There’s actually a feature program on a local radio station called “Second Date Update” which has people call in who’ve been ghosted and can’t figure out why. They tell their story, and then the hosts contact the other person to see what happened. Now I’d never have the nerve to do that, but some of the stories are quite interesting.

Like the guy who took his first date to his family barbecue. They admittedly both had a great time, but he didn’t call her back. Why? Because his dad took him aside to tell him she was a stripper, and he’d seen her perform at a local club! That was a bit strange. His mom didn’t know about either…

Or the girl who went to the guy’s house for dinner on a first date and found ladies’ underwear in his bathroom cabinet when she was searching for TP. He said it was his sister’s?

Hmmmm….

My advice? If you’re looking to meet someone, try it out. But be careful. And be smart. Meet the person in a public place. Let someone know where you’re going to be, and arrange a way to let your contact know you’re safe. And then let them know when you’re home safely.

And if you’re ghosted, then that person obviously wasn’t worthy of your time! 

There’s always another one.

The Flamingos Tour a Winery?

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You’re probably finding that idea to be a bit unusual just like we did, but after all, they’re flamingos. They love to party and enjoy good food and drinks. 

And as much as they like their champagne and fruited margaritas, they also like good wine! Just like us.

So one early fall morning they strolled in the house and informed us their limo would be there shortly to pick them up. I should be used to these excursions by now, but when they said they were going to visit a winery, I was a bit surprised.

They explained how they found this place a few hours away in the Virginia mountains that specialized in some of their favorite wines, and when the owners discovered they were flamingos, well, they were only too happy to arrange a special day for them there. 

“Don’t worry,” they said as they were leaving, “we’re not driving! Our limo service knows us by now and we’ll be fine. We’ll even bring back a bottle or two for you guys! And don’t wait up for us, because we’ll be late getting back!”

What more could we ask, I guess. However, they at least could’ve asked us if we wanted to go! 

Guess there wasn’t enough room for any more in the limo….

The next morning we found three cases of wine in our foyer, so we guessed they had a good time. However, we weren’t sure whether the wine was ours or the flamingos’!

We found out later when they told us all about their day, and what a fun time they’d had, and of course showed us all their pictures.

The winery looked more like a mansion, a huge estate in the mountains surrounded by acres of vineyards. Being a part time event planner, I immediately imagined planning beautiful weddings and parties there!

They had a private tour of the winery itself and got to see the inner working of a winery. They’d asked about stomping the grapes with their feet, and were quite disappointed to hear that it was no longer done that way.  Evidently they’d been looking forward to that.

After the tour they were treated to a picnic on the grounds of the winery. Complete with wine, of course! The views were amazing! And the food was delicious!

After the picnic it was time for wine tastings. 

Of course they took the time to look through the gift and gourmet shop first. And they had a great time shopping!

But the most fun was the actual tastings!! Of course. Complete with tasty crackers and bites of cheese to help cleanse the palate after tasting each wine.

It’s a good thing they had the limo waiting to take them home! I have no idea how much wine they consumed!

And neither do they! But they did say the limo ride back home didn’t seem to take very long. Most likely they fell asleep or passed out as soon as they crawled in the back!

Gotta love flamingos that like wine! Hopefully they’ll take us the next time!

Walking in Your Own Shoes

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A few days ago she was trying to figure out what shoes to buy. And she really didn’t know what she wanted. Just something new. Something different and exciting.

There were a lot of choices, so many it was really difficult to select. They were laid out side by side in pairs in the “previously worn” section of the store where she always shopped. You know, the one where you buy, or rent, a pair of shoes just for that one day.

So she tried the first section which contained rows and rows of fancy designer type shoes. Nothing like she normally wore.

A high heeled pair was really stunning. They shined and gleamed in the sunlight by the window, calling out to her and promising an exciting world. One in which adventure was just around every corner. They didn’t look like they’d been worn much; there weren’t many scuffs or scratches. The toes were pointed at a sharp angle, which would tend to make everyone take notice of the fashionable, yet probably painful, shoes she chose to wear for an evening of fun and laughter. Shoes to be noticed in, but which would cause her to pay a higher price later. Had they even been worn before? Or would she be the first?

Then there was a really funky-looking pair, in a mixture of bright colors…lime green, bright red, hot pink, and an unusual shade of yellow. They had an open toe in which she could show off her best pedicure, and a chunky heel that would make her appear taller, yet provide some support when she walked. Now they definitely would get her noticed, and she wondered if that’s what she really needed!? But what the heck! Her life could definitely use a bit of spicing up lately.

Moving along she saw a small collection of what was obviously wedding shoes, worn for only one day, and then discarded until someone else needed them. The shoes were amazing, with pearls and lace and shimmering rhinestones ( or maybe they were crystals?!) designed to perfectly match a stunning bridal gown. Some had spiky heels, some just a touch of a delicate heel with pearls on them as well. Shoes to definitely make her feel like a princess. Shoes which had definitely been worn only once to start the beginning of a beautiful new and happy life.

But were those what was she really looking for? And where would she wear them?

There was a pair of plain black pumps, with just the right heel, not too tall, and not real skinny. Comfortable looking, yet conservatively fashionable, something to be worn at an office when you were involved in an important meeting. Or maybe by an attorney looking to give a good impression on a jury. They looked safe, but certainly nothing that stood out or would be remembered. Just like so many of the ones she already had in her closet.

Why not try on each pair, she thought? And see what they feel like?

She tried on the first pair, the shiny high heeled ones. At first they fit well, but as she walked around they got tighter and tighter, hurting her toes and making her feet ache. She closed her eyes and saw herself wearing them at a magnificent party, the kind she only saw in her imagination, where she was in the middle of wealthy important people who quickly made her part of their group. But the longer she had them on, the more the party scenes around her changed to a mix of drunken men who wanted noting more than to grab her and drag her away to a private room.

No, those shoes were NOT for her!

The next ones were a bit difficult to get used to, and at first she had trouble walking in the tall chunky heels. She found herself in a much younger crowd than she was, and although she tried to fit in, no matter what she did, everyone around either ignored her or laughed at her, like they knew she didn’t belong there.

So those brightly colored shoes came off as well!

Surely the wedding shoes would be different. She selected a pair from a beautiful display and put them on, touching the white satin and making sure the pearls were all in place. She felt like a princess, and saw herself in an elegant gown, walking down the aisle to a vary handsome man. Her vision turned into a beautiful reception, dancing with her new husband, cutting their wedding cake, and then heading off to her honeymoon. Surely those shoes were the ones!

Until the scene changed to a few years later, as the shoes were thrown in a box to be discarded that dream marriage collapsed into a messy divorce. She sure didn’t need those!

So she pulled out the plain pumps in the next section. They fit perfectly and she immediately saw herself in charge of a division of a big company company, running meetings and giving presentations that the whole room applauded. “That’s so not me,” she thought.  But again neither were the other ones she’d tried.

She looked a bit further and found a pair of teal blue running shoes, her favorite color. Holding the pumps in her hand so no one else would get them, she tried on the running shoes and immediately saw herself on a path in the park, happily running and enjoying herself immensely. Feeling free. Perfect! She put them aside to buy as well.

After looking around some more, she found several more perfect pairs of shoes. What a great day it had been!

And as she was checking out she realized the shoes she was buying were ones she’d sold to that same store several months ago.

Funny how that works. We always think other people’s shoes are so much better to be in…until we have the chance to wear them for awhile.

Then we find out ours are just perfect…for us!