Whatever the reason for one spouse deciding to leave the other, it’s never easy. Sometimes it’s a total shock; with no warning whatsoever. One day they’re there, and the next day they’re not. Sometimes it’s a cumulative effect from weeks and months of arguments and miscommunication. Try as you might, it’s just not working like it should any more, and one of you decides something has to be done.
Sometimes decisions are made in anger. Without thinking them through; without thinking about long term consequences.
Without stopping to think you may be wrong.
And after a few months, one or both spouses realize they may have been wrong. That they acted in haste. They should’ve tried harder; should’ve talked things over more; should’ve thought about the other person’s feelings just a bit more; should’ve looked at things their spouse’s way, instead of just their own.
Maybe they should’ve truly listened to what their spouse was saying, instead of blocking out the words because they knew THEY were right, and the other person was totally wrong.
So now what? How do you go about putting things back together? And what happens if the other person says no?
But what if they say yes? How do you begin again?
What if you both really want to try, but you’re both too proud and too stubborn to admit it?
There’s a rocky road ahead of you to work this out. A road full of little pebbles, big rocks, mud puddles, pot holes, and even pieces of broken glass. That’s the hard part…navigating through those hard places to get to the soft and comfortable parts.
Like rocky road ice cream, every relationship has its portion of hard pieces and soft pieces. But part of what makes rocky road ice cream so popular is how the combination of those textures feels so good, so right. Because one compliments the other.
In every relationship there are hard times as well as easy times. All nestled in the comfort of a delightful sweetness.
But what happens when there are too many hard places and not enough soft hearts? When that rocky road is just that…hard rocks and broken glass.
When you can see what’s at the end of that road, but there are so many obstacles to navigate through to get to that end, you just don’t know if you have the energy…and the strength…to try.
At one of the first weddings I coordinated, the bride and groom chose the song “God Bless the Broken Road [that led me back to you]” for their first dance. Why? Because it took them ten years to get their relationship back on the right track. But they didn’t give up, or when they did, they found out they really didn’t mean it. They kept on trying until they finally got it right! And nine years and four children later, I’m happy to say they’re still getting it right.
There’s an old saying: “the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.” That first step is sometimes the hardest one to take, but after that first one, the next is just a bit easier, a bit less frightening. There may be a few times you take a step or two back, but then you press on and move forward, taking those steps back and taking a few more. Until you wind up where you’re supposed to be.
There may be a rocky road ahead, but at the end, there’s an incredible sweetness that makes it all worthwhile.