Category Archives: Love & Marriage & Life

As a former free-lance wedding coordinator, I had the honor of planning and overseeing a number of weddings, including the one I did last year for our daughter and son-in-law. Weddings are a wonderful event, a wonderful celebration of love, and mark the beginning of a new life together. A marriage is a special bond between two people, but it takes commitment and sometimes a lot of work for the marriage to be successful. But it’s certainly worth it.
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Relationships Require Compromise

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Each person must bend a little in order to make it work. If one gives more than the other that’s not balanced. 

Because one person is taking advantage of the other. You may think you’re simply making your partner happy by doing everything he/she wants to do.

But what about yourself? 

Don’t you deserve to be happy in your relationship? Don’t you deserve do do things you want to do sometimes?

Why would you let your partner make all the decisions and you just go along with them because you think you should?

Don’t you want to have any say in your relationship, your life? Or do you think your partner will get mad or upset if you disagree about something?

That’s not a healthy relationship. That’s selfish and one sided. And the only person happy in the relationship won’t be you.

Am I right?

So why are you not compromising? Or are you too afraid your partner will leave you if you don’t agree with him/her all or almost all of the time?

That’s not a healthy relationship. And you know it. A relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship.

A healthy and successful relationship is made up of compromises. 

And if yours isn’t, if your partner doesn’t see it that way, maybe it’s time to rethink your relationship. 

You can suggest changes, compromises, but if your partner refuses, then maybe it’s time for YOU to make a change.

Before it’s too late.

Any Man Can Be a Father 2023

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Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.

We’ve all heard this so many times. But did you ever stop to think about it? This was a difficult piece to write but one I feel needs to be written. Because this is happening far too often.

I was blessed with a wonderful dad. I just didn’t have enough time with him to get to know him the way I should have. You see, my father died before I was even nine years old. Yes, he left me, and I struggled for years with those feelings of loss and abandonment.

But my father wouldn’t have left me, if it had been up to him. He wasn’t given a choice. He died from a disease that perhaps today’s technology could have prevented, or at least diagnosed earlier.

Our daughter is also blessed with a husband who is a great daddy to their children. He adores his two girls, and they’re his princesses.

But when his son was born in December, we saw him as an even more devoted dad to his little boy. A little boy born five weeks early, he was our special Christmas gift, and the moment he came into the world, he became an even more devoted dad. He now had three children to love and care for. Along with his two princesses, he now had a young prince to care for as well, a baby that was long awaited, and one that immediately took over the hearts of his sisters as well as mom and dad, and also his grandparents.

Our son in law is a very proud dad who helps our daughter care for their children and is enjoying every moment of being a dad, even when the kids don’t always behave as they should He wouldn’t change his family for anything in this world.

Unfortunately not all of today’s modern fathers are like that. Many fathers decide that they aren’t ready for the 24/7 responsibilities of fatherhood. It’s easier to let the mothers do the parenting. Far too many take off and leave not only their wives but their kids behind, and stay almost totally out of their children’s lives, unless it suits their schedule to actually see them or talk to them.

They ignore child support orders, because after all, why should they give their ex-wife money? Never mind that she needs the money to help support his children. He has new responsibilities now, and those children aren’t a priority any more. Someone else can handle them. Children are a gift from God. How in the world can someone throw them away, ignore them?

There are more of these fathers today than we want to think about. Single moms are raising their children as best they can, with little or no help from the father who helped create them. They have to be both mother AND father to them. And speaking as a child who was raised in that environment, even though my circumstances were far different, I can honestly say it is a far more difficult task than anyone should ever have to do.

And it’s not fair to the children. They are missing out on so much. So are their fathers. But their fathers make that choice; the children don’t.

I’m not speaking about the fathers who are kept from their children by ex-wives and ex-girlfriends because of various reasons that may or may not have any merit; that’s a totally different topic for a different day. I’m referring to the fathers who decide not to be involved in their children’s lives for their own personal, and yes, selfish, reasons. Who have disappointed their children in so many ways, and yes, those children will have to deal with those feelings of abandonment for years, well into adulthood.

Those fathers most likely don’t think about how that little girl dreams of her elusive father coming by to pick her up, take her somewhere; or just sit with her, talk with her, hug her, and show her that, yes, he actually does love her. They don’t think about the times they promise to come get their children, and then forget about them. They don’t think about that little boy sitting by the door patiently waiting for a knock that doesn’t come, who then goes to bed and cries himself to sleep, as his mother tries to make excuses for someone she knows doesn’t deserve him.

Then there are the children who, instead of admitting to themselves that their fathers don’t want, them any more, fantasize that their fathers are somewhere far away, maybe in the CIA as a spy, off fighting bad guys and can’t get back to them. Maybe they’re somewhere seriously wounded, or very ill, or have amnesia and don’t remember anything. Surely they wouldn’t purposely abandon them.

What a sad, sad state of affairs.

And I’m not referring to the fathers who stay in their children’s lives after a divorce or breakup; who maintain a relationship with them, attending school functions, dance recitals, and soccer games. Who call their kids regularly, and take them out for dinner and ice cream. They’re still dads to their kids. They know their children are more important than their own lives, or the fact that he and their mother couldn’t make it together.

Are you seeing the difference here?

It’s a sad commentary on today’s life to think about how many children there are whose fathers don’t care enough about them to try and stay in their lives. Who refuse to pay child support, or pay it grudgingly and think that’s the only obligation they have. Who show up once in a while and then wonder why their child doesn’t want to have very much to do with them.

Where did the sense of honor, the sense of responsibility, and yes, the sense of loving someone (someone you helped create) more than your very own life disappear to?

As you’re reading this, if you’re in a situation in which you don’t have custody of your children, ask yourself…are you a father or a DAD? There’s a huge difference. And chances are, if you’ve read this to the end, you’re definitely a DAD!

Happy Father’s Day!

There Are No Real Endings

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At least not in a book. 

The ending is just the place where the writer decides to stop that particular story. And sometimes in my mind I like to imagine what the characters are doing now. 

Haven’t you always wondered what happens after the girl and the guy get married? Assuming they do, that is, after they decide they really do love each other.

Now there are lots of book series that take the characters from one adventure to another, having them grow together, age or mature together, and maybe even add a few family members along the way. 

Nora Roberts, one of my very favorite authors, has a number of trilogies which skillfully bring favorite characters together in a three book series that you just don’t ever want to stop reading about. They’ve become old friends by the time the series ends, and you really want to know more about them, keep in touch, so to speak. Find out the story after the stories. (Actually her Chesapeake Bay Series featured 4 books, the last one set some 20 years after the first three, and it was a wonderful conclusion to the Quinn family saga.)

Nora also has written a very popular crime series under the pen name J.D. Robb. Set in futuristic New York City, and now into 53 books, her characters are unique and remind you of people you’d love to have as friends, and at the end of each book you can’t wait to hear what the characters are going to be doing next. And yes, I’ve read them all.

Joseph Flynn, another favorite author, has written a remarkable series of political novels which now total 14 books, and I’ve already downloaded the last two so I can catch up on some other people I now consider old friends.

If you’re a reading enthusiast like I am, you can certainly relate to what I’m saying. How many times have you come to the end of a great book and actually felt sad because you were saying goodbye to people you’d gotten to know so well? 

Unlike real life, the characters we come to know so well between the cover of a book, or the digital pages of a kindle, seem to stop their lives, stop what they’ve been doing at the end. Like mannequins in a storefront window or people in a painting they’re frozen in time, the rest of their stories never to be told. And that’s a bit sad when you’ve gotten to know them so well.

But real life is as different from a book as day is from night. 

In books, there’s almost always a happy ending. The characters evolve, have their ups and downs, their highs and lows, but things always seem to work out as they should in the end. And when they don’t work out as you’d like it to, you can always tell yourself it’s not real; it didn’t really happen, and then you feel better.

Real life isn’t like that because it’s REAL life, and life isn’t always fair and doesn’t always have a happy ending. You can try to make things work out they way you want them to, but it doesn’t always work that way.

How well we all know that. 

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could write out exactly how we wanted it to be? And if the story got a bit difficult, or too complicated, all we’d have to do is take our eraser, delete that part, and start the story over.

Then we’d all live happily ever after.

But life is not a book. There are real beginnings and real endings. And we can’t rewrite them if they don’t turn out like we want.

But we can start a new chapter. We do it all the time. And we take what we’ve learned from the last chapter and make it better. Or at least different.

But we learn as we go along that sometimes the endings in our books are a lot easier to live through than the endings in real life.

When Mothers Aren’t

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I’ve heard far, far too many stories recently about mothers who weren’t there for their children like they should have been. About mothers who raised their kids in a home almost devoid of love, with very few hugs and kisses, no “I love you’s” at bedtime, or any other time for that matter. Mothers who constantly criticized their children, who made them feel they could never be good enough; never measure up to their parents’ standards; who could never succeed at anything.

Mothers who made their children feel unwanted, unloved, and unworthy. Mothers who would punish their children severely for the least little infraction in very strict rules. Mothers who all but ignored their children; ignored their wants and needs because theirs were far more important. Mothers who would sometimes refuse to speak to their children for weeks at a time to punish them for some slight bit of disobedience, rather than talking it out with them and trying to come to an understanding of what was actually going on and work out differences.

Such mothers can be the difference between a well-adjusted child who becomes an adult ready to face the world, and a child who is totally unequipped to deal with the challenges and reality of life on his/her own.

My relationship with my mother was a good one, although not without its moments of arguments, disagreements, and yes, even ignoring each other at times. However, those times didn’t last long, because we had formed a bond between us that, although stretched a bit at times, was not easily broken.

In my case, a lot of that was because of my father’s untimely death when I was only eight years old. But I do believe more of it was because of who my mother was; how she had been raised; and her deep love of family which had been instilled in her from the time she was born until she was all grown up.

Not all women are raised like that. Just like not all mothers are the loving, caring, and affectionate moms like I was fortunate to have. And it’s sad.

And to the adoptive mothers who raise their adopted children as if they actually gave birth to them, and love them unconditionally, THANK YOU, as well as thank you to the birth mothers who cared enough for their child to give him/her a life with a family who’d give them the home and the love they deserved.

A child really needs both parents in order to really understand what it is to be loved. But there are circumstances such as mine, and others, that prevent that from happening. Fortunately I had a loving uncle who was able to fill that void, but it’s hard, almost impossible to replace a mother in a child’s life.

For all the children, grown or not, who haven’t had the joy or the luck to have a loving mother to guide you, please know that not every mother is like that. And I’m sorry you weren’t able to experience such love. Because it’s really important.

But the loss is not entirely yours. The woman who gave birth to you lost a lot more, because she didn’t take the time to realize what a precious gift she’d been given, and doesn’t/didn’t appreciate what she missed out on.

Are You Leading By Example…or Something Else?

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Intimidation

Fear

Unforgiveness

Threats

Judgment

Condemnation

Ostracism

Self righteousness

Arrogance

Bragging

Controlling

Don’t do as I do…Do as I say

All of these behaviors do nothing to build someone up, to make them want to be a better person. Instead of leading by example, you’re making people feel worthless, incompetent, and destroying whatever self confidence they once had.

All because YOU want to be seen as a power figure, someone important. Someone who knows so much more than anyone else.

And why is that? Could it be that you’re really not all the confident and self assured? That you don’t want anyone to know you don’t have all the answers? That someone else may actually have a better solution for a problem than you?

Why do you always have to be right? Why do you always have to have the final word?

A true leader doesn’t need to resort to the tactics I mentioned in the beginning of this post. A true leader leads from strength, concern for others, and by listening to those around them, and letting others speak what they feel without fear of reprisal.

A true leader is respected, not feared. They don’t try to bully others into doing what they want.

And this is true in your personal relationships as well as business situations. While there should never be a “leader” in a relationship, since a relationship is a partnership, neither partner should try to make the other do something using any of the methods listed above.

Look at yourself closely. Are you using any of the negative tactics mentioned above? And if you are, don’t you think it’s time for some self-evaluation?

We Make the Best Decisions We Can

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With the information we have at that time. 

If we knew what the future held, we might have made different decisions. 

Which would have changed what our future was. 

Think about that….

Think about some of the major events in our history which could have been so different if other decisions had been made. And the way history would have changed our world.

The Kennedy assassination. If he hadn’t gone to Dallas and ridden in an open car.

The Martin Luther King assassination. If he hadn’t stepped outside on that balcony in Memphis.

People make decisions based on what they know at the time.

A young girl finds herself pregnant and has no idea where to turn. She has an illegal abortion and ends up unable to have children.

A woman stays with her abusive  husband because she’s embarrassed over her mistake of marrying him; until he throws her down the steps and breaks her back.

Then again, some decisions we make which we look back on with regret turn out to be the best decisions when we later think about it.

For instance, if I’d gone to law school instead of letting my husband at that time convince me I shouldn’t, I’d probably never have met my forever husband at that mall in Washington.

If he’d become an architect like he’d planned, instead of giving up because he hated geometry and decided to go into sales, he’d most likely have never been in that mall in Washington.

And, all that being said, we wouldn’t have our daughter Ashley or our two, soon to be three, grandchildren.

We make decisions every day based on what we know at the time. Some end up happily, and some we regret forever. Others, we realize after time, were not only right, but exactly what was meant to be.

If there’s decision you made years ago that you’re still regretting, think about all the things that have happened since that decision and what you would be missing today if you’d done differently. 

Yes, there are some decisions that have a disastrous effect on the rest of your life, and some that made your life happier than you could’ve imagined.

But the decisions we make along the way shape our lives into what they are today. And they shape others we meet along the way as well.

And because of our decisions we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be at the time.

Overcoming the Victim Mentality

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He did this to me.”

“She said that about me.”

“I was being bullied because someone said something that I don’t agree with and I didn’t like it. They’re making me feel like they hate me.”

“He told me I’m fat and ugly and don’t deserve to have anything nice.”

“Everyone picks on me. No one understands what I’m going through. They don’t get it. I’m always being picked on.”

“He/she deserted me for someone else and now nothing’s going right. It’s not fair.”

“Whatever I do or say, someone always tells me I don’t know what I’m talking about and makes me feel bad about myself. They’re always picking on me.”

Do these statements sound familiar? 

Does someone you know say such things all the time? Or do you find yourself saying them?

What do these statements all have in common?

They’re what you use to make yourself the victim in everything that goes wrong in your life. Because it’s easier to blame someone else for everything than looking at yourself and asking why all this seems to be happening.

Maybe you’re the type of person who just can’t be happy unless there’s something to complain about.

Maybe it’s easier to explain away all your unhappiness because it’s someone else’s fault. 

But when you keep repeating the same reasons over and over in every unhappy situation there’s a problem.

It’s your victim mentality. Because it’s easier to blame someone else rather than look inside yourself and try to figure out why this same situation happens time after time.

Maybe you don’t know any other way to be. And maybe keeping that victim mentality in its strange way makes you happy. Because it’s easier to keep complaining than move out of your comfort zone. 

There’s always an excuse. But what you don’t realize is, you’re the excuse, because you’re always playing the victim.

And if you don’t stop, you’ll never be the conqueror.

And isn’t it time for you to be a conqueror rather than a victim?

There Will Never Be a Relationship Manual

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So don’t look for one.

Why? Because relationships involve two people, and no two people are alike.

So how can any relationship be anything like another?

You have to write your own manual. And that manual is one you add to every day. There’s no end to it.

Relationships are complicated. What works in one relationship won’t work in another. They’re the hardest things in the world to get right because they involve people, and you can’t control other people. You can’t make decisions without them, and you should never make decisions without consulting them.

You think there are perfect relationships? I have to tell you. There is no such thing. If you find someone who says they’ve never argued with their partner, they’re not telling the truth. 

In every successful relationship there are always times one or both partners feel like they want to give up. Start over with someone else. But that’s not how it works. 

Sure there are situations in which there are totally irreconcilable differences…abuse, cheating, untreated drug or alcohol abuse, to name a few.

But more relationships fail because of lack of communication and a true lack of commitment than the reasons I mentioned above. Without each person being able to communicate to the other, being able to express their feelings, and being ready, willing and able to truly listen to what the other has to say, it’s much harder to make the relationship successful. 

Trust is also vital. If you can’t trust someone with your feelings, how do you expect them to trust you with theirs?

Where is your relationship right now? If it needs some work, there no time like now to get started on repairs.

And if it’s going along beautifully, you’re truly blessed. Because in each relationship there’s always a little something that can be improved.

Ghosts and Catfish

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I know you’re probably thinking what in the world do those two things have in common? Well, in today’s world, quite a bit.

If you’re talking about online dating, that is. There are actually a number of new terms that have come about to describe some of the actions of the users of these dating sites. I had no idea until I looked up a few to fill out this post. 

Fortunately I’m not in that particular world, but I have several friends who are right now. And I have to say, I’m glad I’m not in that situation for a lot of reasons!

First of all I’ve been happily married to my spouse for almost 38 years. That’s a long time, and we’ve gone through a lot. And we’re still together, which says a lot these days.

But for my friends who are not as fortunate as we are, life is a bit more complicated than you’d think it would be in the world of online dating.

First of all let me say that several of our friends have had good experiences with this, and are now happily married to the person they’ve always hoped for. It happens. But it isn’t always as quick, or as easy, as they’d like.

Some of our friends were fortunate enough to find the right one within a few months, and others, well, they’re still searching. 

There are a lot of dating sites out there now. Many offer free trial periods as well as paid subscriptions. Which one is the best? I don’t begin to have an answer because I’m not in that situation. But I sure hear a lot of stories from friends.

It sounds as though most (being at least 51%) of the people on these dating sites are on the up and up, that is, being honest about who they are, what they look like, age, occupation, and what they’re looking for in a relationship. 

There are others, though, who try to make themselves more than they are by, shall we say stretching the truth a bit, or posting photos of themselves that are either a bit outdated, or not even them to make themselves more desirable to others. Or, even worse, “borrowing” or stealing someone else’s identity and posing as someone they’re not. That’s called catfishing, and please don’t ask me why because I have no clue. It’s just a pitfall of online dating. 

Actually I heard a story about a guy who presented himself as a doctor in his profile. He talked about all the good work he was doing, the long hours, and even describing the hospital where he worked. He described his first date with a woman he met online as fantastic, they had so much in common, etc. but she wouldn’t return his calls. The reason: as she said, “you told me you’re a doctor, and then I find out you’re a food service worker in the hospital cafeteria!”

“Well, I figured you wouldn’t want to go out with me if I told you the truth! Can we try again?” Uhh, no. I think there’s an honesty problem here?

Then there’s breadcrumbing. A person  seems interested and will carry on conversations for days. Then stop. Then come back a few days later and start talking again. Talk about getting together. Then nothing. Then it happens again. He/she just wants to keep that person interested in case he/she decides their current relationship isn’t working. Sort of like dating insurance? Or maybe plans to cheat? I’ve had that happen to several of my friends. It’s actually kind of creepy. Time to block them, I say!

And ghosting. Which is just what it implies. The other person starts a conversation that goes on for awhile and may even result in a date or two. Things seem to be going good and then suddenly nothing. No text responses, no return phone calls, just silence. To me that’s not only rude, it’s a lack of manners; a lack of common courtesy. 

If you’re not interested anymore, have the guts to tell the other person, instead of hiding behind your phone or computer. Be honest enough to tell the other person why you’ve lost interest. It may be a simple misunderstanding rather than a perceived problem that can be rectified.

How about orbiting? When someone is constantly checking you out on your social media pages, but not contacting you any more. Talk about weird…and unsettling….

There’s actually a feature program on a local radio station called “Second Date Update” which has people call in who’ve been ghosted and can’t figure out why. They tell their story, and then the hosts contact the other person to see what happened. Now I’d never have the nerve to do that, but some of the stories are quite interesting.

Like the guy who took his first date to his family barbecue. They admittedly both had a great time, but he didn’t call her back. Why? Because his dad took him aside to tell him she was a stripper, and he’d seen her perform at a local club! That was a bit strange. His mom didn’t know about either…

Or the girl who went to the guy’s house for dinner on a first date and found ladies’ underwear in his bathroom cabinet when she was searching for TP. He said it was his sister’s?

Hmmmm….

My advice? If you’re looking to meet someone, try it out. But be careful. And be smart. Meet the person in a public place. Let someone know where you’re going to be, and arrange a way to let your contact know you’re safe. And then let them know when you’re home safely.

And if you’re ghosted, then that person obviously wasn’t worthy of your time! 

There’s always another one.

Life Doesn’t Stand Still

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It’s constantly changing. 

So why are you trying so hard to stop it?

You don’t like change? Well, neither do I.  But it’s a part of life. And it’s what makes it interesting.

Life isn’t static. Would you really want it to be? Sure, there are moments we want to keep, want to last forever, but that isn’t how it works. 

Maybe you really want your life to stay exactly like it is. The same thing day after day. Never moving ahead. No surprises. 

But no excitement. No adventure. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing new happening. I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds really boring,

Is that really what you’re looking for? Staying with the status quo? Day after day after day…?

As much as I don’t like change, I don’t want static and mundane. I want to be challenged. I want to move forward.

Yes, there are risks, but that’s all part of life. If you don’t take a risk once in a while, you’ll never know what could have been.

Change is a part of life. You wouldn’t want your children to stay the same age forever, any more than you’d want to stay the same age forever. Sure, getting older does have its downsides, but that’s part of life as well. Those of us in certain age groups joke about being 39 and holding, but you can’t hold on that age forever! Except in your mind.

When They’re Ready…But We’re Not

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There comes a time in many of our family members’ lives when enough is enough. There’ve been too many times of unrelenting pain; too many trips to the hospital; too many times that the doctors say, “someone needs to make some major decisions.”

Too many times our loved ones are put through painful and embarrassing procedures to keep them here with us for a while longer. When all they really want to do is rest. Forever.

Because they’re tired. They don’t want to live like they’re living any more. They want to eat and drink normally without fear of choking or vomiting. They want to be able to walk on their own. To have a normal conversation without gasping for air or coughing uncontrollably. They want to be able to breathe without having a machine doing it for them, They don’t want to be in constant pain which can only be dulled, never really going away.

They just don’t want to be here anymore. And who can really blame them? Would we want to live like that?

Before you start saying that what I’m writing is wrong, cruel, or even anti-Christian, try to put yourself in their situation. Because one day you may be there.

We are never ready to say goodbye to our loved ones, especially our parents. Those of us who are fortunate enough to be blessed with one or both parents who live long lives expect them to be around forever. We want them to be, because the pain of losing them is too hard to bear. We don’t know how we’ll make it without them.

That’s being selfish. Because we’re only thinking of how we’ll react, how we’ll feel. We don’t stop to think about their wishes.

They want to “go home”. And not to the home they’ve been living in for so many years. They want to go to their eternal home, and be free again, pain free, with a new body that works properly. They want to join their loved ones who are waiting for them, and they want to be with their Lord.

My mother went through that. She told me that, in no uncertain terms. But did I want to hear it? Absolutely not. Did I know she was serious? Absolutely.

Did that make it easier? Of course not.

Fortunately I was never faced with those difficult end of life decisions that some of my friends are now facing with their loved ones. Because my mother passed into eternity before those decisions were needed.

And I’m sure that’s the way she wanted it.

Like many of us, my mother had a living will, an advanced medical directive. She had named me her medical power of attorney years before she’d ever been sick. And if you or your loved ones don’t have such directives, I strongly urge you to get them.

Because you never know when you may need them.

Although we’re all living longer, and many of us enjoying fairly decent health into those later years, our bodies do not live forever. They were not designed to live forever. Eventually they wear out and just can’t be repaired any more.

We pray for healing, not realizing that many times in these situations healing takes on different meanings, and our loved ones go on to eternal health.

But before this happens, quite often end of life decisions must be made. And it’s not easy, no matter how strong our faith, no matter how much we know in our head that such decisions must be made. Our emotions, our hearts, don’t want to go there.

Sometimes it’s not or parents, but our spouse. That’s just as hard, and sometimes harder, because we really don’t expect our spouse to pass asway before we do. We need him or her with us. For better or worse. But that vow also added til we are parted by death. We tend to forget that part.

However, we have to accept the decisions our loved ones make. Whether we agree or not. And that is part of honoring our parents, our elderly relatives. Or a spouse with an incurable disease.

Palliative care and hospice care are two options most of us don’t want to hear about, nor consider. But it is a reality, and one that more and more people are having to face for either their loved ones, or themselves. It’s not a decision made easily, or in haste. But it sometimes must be made.

It’s not easy. It’s also not easy watching someone you love dearly suffer. And I daresay none of us would want to be the one who’s suffering so badly.

No matter how much we love them; how much we don’t want to let them go, there’s a point that our love has to love them enough to let them go. To let them be at peace.

Those of us who have faith know in our hearts we’ll see them again. But it doesn’t make it easier.

To all of you going through it, or who have gone through it, be assured you did the right thing. No matter how difficult it was.

Be comforted in that realization.

When the End Becomes the Beginning

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Sometimes we go thru trials so hard it’s gut wrenching. Our knees get weak and we fall. We feel like we have no one to turn to.

Our priorities change because of the “ends” in our life.

But an ending always brings a beginning of something else.

A marriage may end, but maybe you and your spouse weren’t really happy together. Maybe he/she was cheating, living a life you knew nothing about. Hiding it so well no one saw it coming.

It may be the end of that marriage but it’s the beginning of a whole new adventure. No, it’s not always easy, but instead of feeling sorry for yourself and wondering how you’ll get through it, look at it as the beginning of your next adventure.

Which doesn’t necessarily mean you need to find a new partner right away. Find yourself first. Find out who you are and who you want to be. It may surprise you.

The end of a job isn’t easy either, especially if you didn’t see it coming. Especially if you’re not financially prepared. You’re most likely angry, embarrassed, scared, and/or wondering what your next step needs to be. And how you’re going to pick up the pieces and start again.

You could be depressed to the point of doing nothing. You could trash the company you no longer work for. You could do the old “I never liked it there anyway. They never appreciated me” routine.

Or you could take the high road. Get in touch with all your business contacts and start networking.  Re-do your resume, updating and highlighting your skills. Determine what you want to do and start contacting the companies that fit your goals. And set your own goals to make it happen.

You may suddenly become empty nesters, it may feel like the end of being a parent. Suddenly you don’t have the same responsibilities. Suddenly it’s just the two (or sometimes one) of you in a big sort-of-empty house. How do you adjust to that? What do you do? Do you downsize and start over or rearrange your new lifestyle?

Or maybe you’re retiring, ending a lifelong work career. Beginning a totally new lifestyle. Where do you even start? What are you going to do to keep busy?

There are so many more types of endings in our life. Some anticipated and some that are not. Endings with closed doors that cannot be opened ever again. Endings that are seemingly impossible to turn into beginnings.

But time can do that. Even a death in the family introduces a new beginning. albeit a painful one. Not one that was ever wanted, but one that almost all of us experience sometime in our lives.

Painful as it may be, endings always turn into beginnings.  It’s up to us to take advantage of those beginnings, and select the right one.

Endings are not the beginning of the end. They’re a beginning of a new beginning.