Yesterday’s blog celebrated mothers, especially those who had a tough time with their pregnancy. And they are certainly deserving of a lot of appreciation, every day, not just Mother’s Day.
But what about some other very special mothers? The ones who find out they’re pregnant, and are many times in a situation in which they just cannot care for a baby right now, or they know they’re just not ready to take on the responsibility of motherhood. They also believe, as I do, that abortion is not an answer. Once a baby is conceived it is just that: a baby. It is a living human being that is living inside his or her mother until he or she can be born and begin life outside of the mother.
In that case, what does the mother decide to do? It’s not an easy situation, an easy decision. But it’s one that is a life and death matter for that child who was conceived.
Many women, and sadly, not nearly as many as there used to be, make a very difficult decision to have their baby and then let a family adopt their child to raise and it becomes their own.
After carrying a child for nine months I cannot even begin to comprehend how very difficult such a decision is. But I admire each and every one of the birth mothers out there who make that totally unselfish and loving decision, when it would have been so much easier to simply abort the child and move on with their life plans. But they knew that wasn’t the answer.
When my husband and I could not have another child, we began trying to find a child to adopt so that our daughter could have a sibling. Some thirty years ago we were considered too old to adopt, and because we already had a child, we were further deemed to be disqualified. No, it wasn’t right, but those were the rules.
So we tried to find a child through private adoption, searching for a birth mother who wasn’t ready for that baby, but didn’t want to abort it. And that was a very difficult process as well. We finally found one, and met with her. We were hopeful. She already had a five month old daughter and just couldn’t imagine having another child so soon. We were hopeful, but when she and her boyfriend found out it was a boy, they changed their minds. And yes, that was hard on us as well. And I still wonder off and on about that child, now grown into a man.
But to all the birth mothers out there who have had children and unselfishly given them to other families to raise as their adopted children, who know they most likely will never see those children again or know anything about them, please know how very much I admire you. How thankful I am for your gift of life and your gift to parents who otherwise would not be parents. I have some very good friends who benefited from someone like you, and I know they are thankful to you for your gift every day of their lives.
These birth mothers aren’t able to celebrate Mother’s Day in the traditional ways. Even if they’re now married and have other children, there’s still a missing place in their heart for that child they gave up to someone they didn’t know in order to give that child the life he or she deserved.
They may or may not be lucky enough to one day meet the child they placed to be raised with someone else. They may or may not be lucky enough to be welcomed into that now-grown child and his/her family’s lives.
But I can almost guarantee that every one of those birth mothers still remembers the day and time that she gave birth. She remembers seeing that child at the moment of birth, and she remembers how she felt when she made the decision that changed all of their lives forever.
And for the majority of them, it’s not something they tell anyone about, many times their husband doesn’t even know for many years, if ever. It’s just too personal a decision to discuss.
And for those reasons, we celebrate all of the birth mothers on this Mother’s Day, along with all the adoptive mothers who were blessed with that most special gift…the gift of becoming a mom!
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you!
Please don’t miss Celebrating Moms, Part Three, to be published May 10.