Before You Say I Do

He had it all planned. He’d already bought the ring. He’d asked her father. Now all he had to do was put his plan into action; make all the arrangements; and then get down on one knee and say those words. Ask THE question. And hold his breath until she answered. He knew she’d say yes, at least he thought he was sure she would.

And her…well, she was just waiting. They’d looked at a few perfect engagement rings, so she knew it was on his mind, and they’d talked about it a lot, but she just didn’t know when he’d be ready to finally officially ask her. And she knew that’s what she wanted. She just didn’t know for sure if he was ready.

Young love. It’s always a great story. How you met, when you started dating, when you really thought you knew he/she was “the one”. You’d talk about your future together for hours at a time. And you wondered…what would marriage be like? What would it be like to be together all the time?

So he finally found the perfect time to ask. Maybe it was at the place where you’d had your first date. Maybe your favorite restaurant with the waiter bringing the ring out nestled in whipped cream on an ice cream sundae. Maybe during a walk along the beach in the moonlight, or at an ice skating rink with “your song” playing in the background. But you really were surprised. You’d really had no idea. And of course you said YES!!!

And so then the excitement began. Setting the date. Planning the engagement party, selecting bridesmaids and groomsmen, dresses, flowers, cake, food, bridal showers, planning a honeymoon. It was a whirlwind.

Plus deciding where you’d live, picking out furniture, dishes, linens, signing up for the bridal registry and adding things you’ll probably never use!

So much to do. It was so easy to get caught up in all of the plans and details, that at times you wondered if it was all worth it.

Yes, you really did wonder that at times.

Because there’s a lot more to plan for than the wedding details.

There’s a life together to plan as well. And that’s the hardest part. Because wedding planners don’t help you with that part. That you have to do yourselves.

And no amount of planning can ever prepare you for what marriage is actually like. Each one is different, because each person is different; each personality is different. Each of you has set ideas about what marriage will be like. And you’d better discuss them together before you say “I do!” Because discussing them afterwards and finding out your ideas are different is not the right time.

Too often couples neglect the most important part of the planning process: pre marriage counseling with a pastor or other professional who knows the questions to ask, as well what the answers to those questions should be. And if your answers are totally different, the counselor can help you figure out compromises before those differences cause major problems later on. There’s nothing wrong with having pre-marriage counseling. It’s a necessary step in the wedding

Because a wedding lasts less than a day. The marriage that follows should last a lifetime. Are you ready for that lifetime together, because it’s not all wedding cake and flowers.

Each married day brings a new challenge to a husband and wife. Some are tiny, and some are big. Some start out tiny and become huge before you know it. And before you know it, in the shadow of your favorite wedding photo, you’re sitting in the same room not speaking to each other because you’re so angry.

Yes, it happens. And it happens to every couple. You’re not alone. Marriage is a process and a daily work in progress. Not all days will be picture perfect. Not all weeks will be easy. There will be disagreements, arguments, disappointments, and accusations.

It’s how you handle them. Together. It’s not always blaming him or her, but looking at the part each of you played in causing the problem. And then sitting down and talking it over. And solving your problems together.

So…are you sure you’re ready to do this?

The wedding will be much easier compared to the actual marriage. But when you really love each other, it’s all worth it. No one said it would be easy.

But the rewards of a happy marriage far outweigh all the rough parts along the way.

1 thought on “Before You Say I Do

  1. No body can ever anticipate the daily life of being married. There will always be challenges along the way that will make the marriage either weak or strong. Just have faith in each other and always try to remember it’s not about you it’s about how you can make your partner happy which in turn you will reap the rewards.

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