“I’m so tired of seeing couples together. Everyone seems to have someone and I’m all alone. It’s not fair.”
“I’m so tired of being by myself. All my friends have a husband or at least a boyfriend, and I have no one. I’m so tired of being alone.”
“I’m over 30 now and there’s no one in sight who I can love, much less want to marry. This is awful. I need someone to care about me. I’m tired of this single life.”
“I don’t like being alone. Before the divorce I had a husband and a home. Sure, it wasn’t always great, but at least I had someone. Now I’m by myself almost all the time and I hate it!”
“I finally met someone. Thank goodness. He’s not the guy I had in mind, but at least he seems to care about me. I’m not sure I’d really want him for a husband, but he’s all I’ve met so far, and at my age, I guess I’m lucky to just find anybody that wants me. And I don’t want to hurt his feelings by not seeing him any more. Maybe I can learn to like – or love – him. If I just ignore the things I’m not finding attractive with him…”
Hmmmmm. Not exactly how you want to feel, is it? Not how you pictured your life being.
And it’s not always women who feel this way. Loneliness can strike anyone. At any age. Particularly when you’re divorced. And you’re having a difficult time dealing with all the changes that happen all at once.
One day you have a home and someone you’re sharing it with. You have plans for the future. Dreams and goals. Things may not be perfect, but together you can do anything, work everything out.
Six months (or even less) later, your life is totally different. Your spouse is gone, and now referred to as “your Ex”. He/she has someone else. Maybe they’re even on their second or third “someone else.”
And you don’t.
You’re starting over. Totally. It’s not fair, no. But it’s also not all your fault. And spending your days thinking it is and wondering what you could’ve done different isn’t going to help either.
Quickly trying to find a new partner, a future husband or wife, won’t magically make it all better right away. It’s not a cure-all for everything in your life.
I know. From experience, and from friends’ experiences. There are worse things than being alone.
And that prolonged loneliness can cause someone to make bad mistakes.
“I thought he was wonderful. Just the perfect guy. He gave me flowers and little gifts all the time. I knew our life together was going to be everything I’d ever wanted. Unfortunately all he’d wanted was my money…what little I’d inherited from my father. I had no idea until it was too late. Now I’m not only alone…again. I’m totally broke. And he’s nowhere to be found.”
“She was so nice. So caring. She said all she wanted to do was take care of me. I’d had an awful divorce, so she was perfect. Or so I thought. But her jealousy was off the charts. As soon as we were married she started accusing me of sleeping with every woman I worked with; every friend’s wife; and even got mad at me for talking too much to our servers at restaurants. Why? Because she was doing exactly what she accused me of doing. I had no idea.”
“I thought it was really nice when he’d make suggestions to me about certain things. Like my clothes, my hair style, and suggested little changes here and there. He always said he liked the “new me”, whether I did or not. But then he tried to get me to stop going to my favorite places, stop seeing certain friends, saying they weren’t good for me. Like a fool I listened. Until I realized all he was doing was trying to change me into something I wasn’t, and make me totally dependent on him. Someone he wanted me to be. When I finally started trying to be myself again, he left me. And of course said it was all my fault….”
“I thought he was a good man. No, he wasn’t everything I’d dreamed of, but he seemed to love me, and I wasn’t getting any younger. And I figured it would work out. Well, it didn’t. How did I know I was marrying a violent man? There’d been no signs of it when we were dating. But after 9 months and a sprained wrist, a black eye, various pieces of furniture thrown at me, he pushed me down the stairs and broke my arm. He told me, as always, that I made him do it, and left me lying there while he went out with his friends.”
“My friends warned me about him. There’s something not right about him, they said. He makes me really uncomfortable, another said. He’s too smooth, another friend said; almost like he’s acting. I didn’t listen; I was too ready to get out of the dating game; I wanted to be married again. Until I found him cheating on me in our own bed! And telling me it was no big deal and asking me to join them!”
Yes, there are worse things than being alone.
The bottom line…before you even start a new relationship be sure you’re comfortable with who you are; with who you’ve become since your divorce. Know who you are now and what you want. Be sure you’re ready to take on another commitment, and that the other person is ready as well.
Don’t rush into a relationship because you think he/she is the only one out there, and you may not get another chance. Don’t settle. Because as soon as you do, you’re giving up, when that right one may be waiting just around the corner. You’re never too old to find happiness. And you have a lot to offer. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.
Or you may find yourself with a similar story to tell. And find yourself even lonelier than you were before that disastrous relationship.
There really are worse things than being alone.