Another fitful, restless night, waking up almost every hour, tossing and turning, strange dreams rolling around in my head.
Even the dogs were restless. Were they sharing my restlessness and my weird dreams? Or do they have their own weird dreams in which cats or squirrels are chasing them instead of the other way around?
It happens to all of us at one time or another. Some of us more than others. And some of us at very unexpected times. And for no reason at all, at least not one I can come up with.
Like last night when I heard the doorbell in the middle of the night. Fortunately Ben got up to answer it. Then when I heard loud voices outside I got up and looked out the window, where I saw him arguing with two horses who wanted to come in and visit. Actually they were asking if they could rent a room from us for a few months until they could find an apartment! Really? I don’t know what he was telling them, because I woke up about that time.
They were really pretty horses, though, and probably would’ve been a lot of fun to have around. And I bet they’d have loved swimming in the pool in the summer.
The the next thing I knew I found myself attending a party. Not just any party, mind you. But a very special one, held in my mother’s unfinished attic, with a doll table I’d never seen before set with a quilt my grandmother had made, my old china (yes, china, not plastic) toy dishes I hadn’t seen in years, and my old dolls and teddy bears seated around that table waiting for the goodies that I was preparing. In an “oven” that was actually a small chest of drawers, and one of those drawers was actually an oven. I guess it was a magical oven, because it produced a beautiful little cake, fully decorated as I pulled it out and set it in front of the guests.
I hope they enjoyed it. I have no idea, because that’s when I woke up, wondering how that party happened, because I’d sold my mother’s house over ten years ago, and I daresay that attic doesn’t look anywhere near what it looked like when my mother owned it. And come to think of it, it didn’t quite look the same in my dream, either, as when she’d owned the house.
Then one last time I finally drifted back to sleep, and probably right before it was time to get up.
This time it was another of those dreams in which my mom was still alive. You know, the ones in which I can see her so clearly, hear her voice as if she was really here; the ones in which she looked exactly the same as before she passed away. This time we were talking about her dog (who passed away 3 years ago) and how she was going to maybe get little Angel a playmate because she didn’t want her to be lonesome when she left. I told her she wasn’t going anywhere, and reached over to hug her, keep her close, but just as I went to touch her, I woke up. Without getting that reassuring hug I so desperately wanted.
It seems whenever I have these vivid dreams of my mother, I never get to touch her, hug her, kiss her…I come close and the dream ends. But I still have them, and at the time they’re so real I sometimes still look for her when I wake up. And I’m still disappointed when she’s not there, even after 12 years.
Dreams are funny things. We all have them, even if we don’t remember them. They can be serious, funny, or frightening. They can be related to events in our life, or totally disconnected to anything we know. We dream about our past, sometimes changing the outcome of a particular event. We dream about events that are coming up, and it seems they always go wrong, messing with our brain and putting us in a perpetual state of worry. Sometimes they’re so outrageous we find ourselves waking up, shaking our heads and just thinking, “where did THAT come from?!” Or we wake up scared out of our wits because we were in a horribly bad situation that we’d barely escaped from.
For those of you who, like me, have those nights where you just can’t sleep well, keep waking up and laying there trying so hard to go back to sleep before you have to get up, you’re not alone. It may not make you feel better, but as the saying goes, misery loves company. And it seems the older we get, the more often it happens!
Hopefully tonight will be a better night.
But in the meantime, what kind of crazy dreams do you have? We can at least share if we can’t sleep!