Love After Divorce

Lots of us have been through it. 

Some of us more than once.

It may be a divorce we wanted, or a divorce that was thrust upon us. But it still happened. 

Some of us were the ones who left the marriage, for various reasons. Falling out of love. An affair. Abuse. Growing apart. Legal issues, sometimes resulting in arrests and jail time. Alcoholism or drug or gambling addictions.

Some of us were left by a cheating spouse. Were left with huge debts by that spouse. Were abandoned along with our children. Were totally unaware of what was happening until it happened.

And these aren’t all the reasons. There are as many reasons for divorces as there are actual divorces. No two cases are ever the same.

The road back to normalcy after divorce isn’t easy. Those of us who think it will be, usually the ones who instigate the divorce, soon discover that it’s not necessarily that simple.

No matter which end of the divorce you’re on, life changes. It’s a difficult change. Sometimes it’s a relief; sometimes we feel it’s the end of our life as we know it.

Sometimes it’s hard to trust again after that. Adjusting to being newly single isn’t easy. At first we may be relieved, but eventually the loneliness sets in.

And we don’t know what to do about it.

Many newly divorced people think finding a new partner will be easy. After all, now you’re free, and there’s nothing to stop you.

Except you don’t know where to start. And quickly become discouraged, especially when your single friends find someone new, leaving you still alone.

That’s when you start trying too hard. And it’s usually obvious. You’re ready to go out with anyone who asks you. You try to be interested in them if they show even the least bit of interest in you. Whether you’re really interested or not. 

After all, isn’t someone better than no one?

Is it? Is it really?

Or the one you thought was really going to be a keeper gradually seems to start losing interest, doesn’t come around as often, or makes excuses for canceling dates.

Or maybe you start feeling that way, but either don’t want to hurt the other person, or don’t want to give up until you have someone else sort of waiting.

Love after divorce isn’t always what you think it should be.

But take these words of advice. Divorce is hard. But it’s sometimes necessary. It takes time to recover whether you wanted it or the other person wanted it.

You aren’t going to necessarily be ready for a relationship for a while, at least not a serious one. Why? You have to heal, whether you realize it or not. There’s a lot to come to terms with, and usually the longer the marriage, the longer the time for healing. 

And that healing can’t totally be accomplished when you’re in another relationship. Give yourself time. Rushing into something you know may not be right will only result in more heartbreak.

Where are you in this process? Are you really ready for love after that divorce, or are you trying to make something happen that shouldn’t be happening yet?

My personal advice? Don’t try to make something happen, don’t try to work things out every couple of months. When it’s time, and when it’s right, you’ll know it. You can’t make something happen that’s not supposed to happen.

And you’ll be glad you waited.

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