You Can’t Force Love

Once again he thought he’d finally met the right girl. So pretty. Great personality. They liked the same things; the same music, same type of movies. The same types of food. She enjoyed cooking and he liked helping her in the kitchen. They had similar life goals.

But there was a problem. Every time he approached the subject of making their relationship more permanent, more serious, she pulled away, changed the subject. Then he wouldn’t see her for days.

But each time they finally saw each again after such an absence she seemed fine; happy to be with him again…until he brought that subject up and he wouldn’t see her again for a while.

But he didn’t give up. He continued to call and they’d talk, and then get together. But when he eventually brought up the subject again, after each of those conversations it seemed she had excuses why she couldn’t see him for a while. They were good reasons though, and he believed her…wanted to believe her.

Until he saw her one night having dinner with another guy, sitting really close to him, smiling and laughing like he’d never seen her do, and a huge diamond sparkling on her left hand.

This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened to him.

But why???? He had no idea. What was he doing wrong? Too much too quickly? Too desperate? Too pushy?

All he wanted was for someone to love him….

She kept thinking of every man she met as a potential husband, thinking he was going to be The One. She was lonely and tired of being by herself.

After one or two dates, she always thought she was falling in love.

Even though in their conversations they’d tell her things that she really had issues with. One told her he left both of his wives because they hit him. Really? Could be, but what are the chances?

Another said he left his wife because she gained weight and wouldn’t lose it. She stopped wearing the type of clothes he liked, and let her hair go to its natural gray. “She just wasn’t attractive like she used to be. I couldn’t deal with it.” Really? How a woman looks is the most important thing in a relationship? How shallow is that?

Another kept telling her about all the other women he’d dated, and what was wrong with each of them, and warning her if she did this or that, he’d stop seeing her, too. Another told her he liked her and they had fun together, but he didn’t want a long term relationship again, and if she did, well, she’d better look elsewhere.

Another told her she was exactly what he’d been looking for…on the first date. He pushed and pushed for her to commit. Until she did. And then found out all he was looking for was someone to take care of him, do everything HE wanted, WHEN he wanted, and HOW he wanted. Suddenly her opinions didn’t matter at all, Thankfully, she was able to get away before they got married.

And so it went.

“I just want to be loved….”

But at what price?

Love is not settling. Love is not overlooking and ignoring someone’s warning signs just because you’re lonesome and don’t think you can get anyone else.

Love does not require you or the other person to change your thoughts, ideas, values, appearance, or your total way of life in order to be loved. You are both who you are, complete with your faults. It’s a package deal.

Love is not conditional. It cannot be turned on and off because of someone’s physical appearance. True love looks at the heart, the whole person; not just the outward appearance.

Love doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t happen because you want it to. It happens because it’s right. For both people. And it’s not in YOUR timing.

You cannot force someone to love you, any more than you can force yourself to fall in love with someone you’re not attracted to, just because you’re alone. You should never mistake curing your loneliness for love. Because eventually you’ll realize that’s not what it was, and by then it may be too late.

Love is always worth waiting for. Even if we don’t like having to do it.

Because when that right one comes along, you won’t have to force it to happen.

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