Yearly Archives: 2018

Now that the Election is Over

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What now?

Your candidates either won or lost. You’re either ecstatically happy, or angry and discouraged. You may have stayed up late listening to election results, hoping your candidate could pull off a win, or went to bed early because you didn’t want to hear the same things over and over.

So what now? After all the hoopla, the name calling, the predictions of gloom and doom if the “other side” wins…

I was so very pleased to see the number of people on social media bragging that they’d voted! I was pleased there were long lines at polling places. People actually went out and made their opinions count! Whether their candidates won or not.

But now…what next?

Even though the House will now be one majority party and the Senate another, don’t look for a lot of changes. That’s right. Because none of them got along before the election, and I certainly don’t expect them to now.

I’m afraid we’re going to have a lot more of the same old, same old. In fact, I’m afraid it may even be worse. I’m afraid each side will start blasting the other for the things they’re going to attempt to do, before the newly elected representatives even have a chance to take office. Before the first legislation is even proposed.

I’m afraid there will be more bottlenecks with legislation that’s needed, because neither side really wants to get along with the other. They’re both too busy being on one side or the other, rather than trying to figure out how to come together for the good of our country. They may claim they want bipartisanship, but I don’t see it happening.

We’re already hearing people talking about how “this one person” who just got elected is one of the most stupid people they’ve ever seen. Nice! That’s coming together. We’re hearing people say that “this person” will be impeached before they even have a chance to take their seat. Seriously? Before they’re sworn in? That’s not even legally possible.

And let’s not forget how one person being the new Speaker of the House will single-handedly destroy our country, so all is lost forever. Yeah…one person has that power.

And of course there are all the people already saying the votes were “fixed”. That certain people’s votes weren’t counted because they were cast for a certain candidate. That the voting machines registered their vote the opposite of what they selected. There were more votes in certain districts than registered voters. Illegal immigrants voted but registered voters couldn’t. Their voices weren’t heard.

I’m sure lawsuits are already being filed because this or that candidate didn’t win. So we’ll keep hearing this same old story for months to come. I’m thrilled. Not. I’ve heard this story too many times. I’m sure there are some problems out there, but enough to change the election results? I seriously doubt it.

And once the new representatives and senators take their seats in January, I’m expecting nothing to really change. Each side will paint the other as bad for the country. Each side will try to stop legislation the other side introduces and introduce their own which will then be stopped by the other side. And very little will get accomplished except more bickering and arguing. Because they’re more concerned about politics than what’s good for the country. Sure, some of the newcomers truly want to make a difference, but once they’re seated, once they see how it all works, they will probably become like everyone else in their particular party, their ideals put aside for the sake of re-election.

Cynical? Probably. But I’m tired of the same old, same old.

Who’s to blame? Both sides. Yes. Both. Sides.

I hope I’m wrong. I really do. But all I see happening is more division; wider gaps between sides, with each side claiming it’s the other side’s fault.

And can we please stop already with the “fake news” claims on an hourly basis? Sure, there are stories out there which are purposely slanted one way or another, and it’s been that way for years, but I do believe the majority of our news outlets and their reporters are honest, hardworking people who try to accurately report the truth. Continually calling certain new stories “fake news” tells me there’s a lot more to the story that hasn’t been uncovered yet.

At least the political ads are gone for awhile.

Or are they….? The next election is coming, and it’s never too early to start slinging accusations at the other side.

Can we all just try to come together for the sake of our country? Try to find common ground? Try to act respectful and professional? Set a good example for others? Maybe show our children and grandchildren that adults can respect each other like we tell them to do?

No, it’s not “I will if you will.” It’s “I’m going to make the decision to respect others, to stop name-calling, and to act civil and dignified. Whether I’m the only one or not. Whether I get re-elected or not.”

What a novel idea.

Can we please see how that works for a change?

I’m Not Asking You to Agree With Me…

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This is certainly a blog that I’ve put off writing for several reasons. One, because it’s difficult to convey my thoughts properly in an essay. Two, because I know it’ll be taken totally out of context by lots of people.

And three, because many of our friends will be offended and instead of respecting my opinion and my thoughts, as I do theirs, they’ll simply choose to be mad, and offended, and say then we’re not friends anymore because you’re wrong (and they’re right).

It’s a scary step to take, but the longer this festers inside of me, the more I know I have to get it out.

I am entitled to my opinions as everyone else is to theirs. Whether we agree or not.

So to all of my friends…before you get mad and say we can’t be friends any more, just read and think about what I say. It’s not aimed at any one in particular. Just because we don’t agree on certain points doesn’t mean I don’t love you as my friend. And if you think I’m talking about someone specific, well, as I’ve heard said before, “if this gets your goat, then you had a goat to get!”

Deep breath…..here it comes…

Over the past months I’ve seen and heard so much on social media, and in conversations about how God told me to do this. God told me you have to do this (or stop doing this). God said He made sure this or that happened to teach people a lesson.

God caused the destruction in the Caribbean from the hurricane because the people were being punished for being nonbelievers.

God allowed the massacre at the Pulse nightclub because He hates gay people.

God hand-picked the president we have now and made sure he got elected because he was chosen to be there. I didn’t know God was that active in our politics. And if He’s that active in our country’s politics, why not the other countries? Why just ours?

God allowed this or that because we aren’t praying enough.

And the one that really gets me, God hates a collective of certain individuals because of certain beliefs or lifestyles. So that means I do, too!

Really? When did God start hating people? My God is a God of love. He may not always agree with things we do, but I can guarantee he doesn’t HATE anyone. He may be disappointed in choices we all make, but turn our backs on us? No.

Then there’s the exact opposite of others putting down people for their religious views, making fun of them, publicly calling for resignations or boycotts because that person professes a certain faith. That person has that right to believe, just as you do.

What’s happened to us?

Why is it so important to put others down, to dissolve friendships, even families, because you don’t agree with the other person’s faith? And please don’t tell me God told you to, because my God doesn’t do that. Yes, He wants us to love Him as well as each other, which is sometimes hard to do. But as a Christian that’s what we’re called to do.

I’m also getting tired of being continually barraged with the “look how wonderful I am” type of posts from others bragging about what they did for the Lord today. Don’t get me wrong, I love hearing stories of redemption and miracles, but there are ways to say it to glorify the Lord rather than themselves. It’s getting a lot more prevalent these days. Why do so many believers feel they have to impress others with their own self worth in order to make their point?

How about “God told me to move to California, or Texas, or Florida, but we don’t have the money, so give me a contribution so we can be obedient?” I’m sorry. If God tells you to go, He’s going to make a way. Missionaries do it all the time through support of churches and other donors. If you’re supposed to do that, look into church sponsorship and fundraising by donor letters. Not constant begging.

“I need a car. God said someone was going to give me one so I can use my money for other things and superbly bless whoever does it. Who’s going to be the one who gets blessed by giving me one?” My God doesn’t make those type of deals.

There are those who adamantly preach against something…how wrong something is. (I’m not talking about anything dangerous or illegal, by the way…just every day life.) And then suddenly they want to do the same thing, and decide to research scripture and…oh my…they were wrong and that thing is suddenly ok now. Then why were you so adamantly against it before? You only researched what YOU wanted to believe?

There are those who preach about the evils of reading books by certain authors who write about sorcery, vampires, so-called horror and fantasy writers. That seeing certain movies will condemn you and your family because you saw something you shouldn’t…says “them”.

Harry Potter is an idea from the author’s imagination and reading the books and/or seeing the movies won’t condemn you to hell. By the way, I’ve never read the series nor seen the movies but it’s not a genre that appeals to me. But one of my favorite authors is Stephen King. And you know the types of novels he writes. They’re excellent, well written, and some of them really make you think about personal interaction.

Let’s not forget about all those who have a fit over Halloween. That you can’t “celebrate” it. Well we don’t “celebrate” it but we enjoy giving our candy to the dressed up kids, and going trick or treating with our granddaughter. We carved jack o’lanterns with our daughter for many years. Once in awhile we even dressed up for Halloween, and now we dress our dogs in costumesas well. And the Lord still loves us.

And then there are those who make a point to tell people who’ve just lost loved ones that because they didn’t “know the Lord”, they’ll never see them in heaven. Now yes, I know the teachings of Jesus and how He told us we need to believe in Him to be in heaven. However…how do we know what happens in those last few seconds of life? The God I know loves everyone, He loves them so much I truly believe He’s there waiting as each of us are departing this life, with His hand outstretched saying “Come to Me.” Who wouldn’t go with Him? Are they saying the Jews who were slaughtered during the Holocaust, the Jews who were massacred in Pittsburgh, were turned away from heaven? I’m sure my God welcomed each and every one into His kingdom.

And yes, now I’m getting ready to go somewhere that will really upset some people. But I have to…

There are many evangelicals, pastors as well as believers, who are quick to condemn those who are gay. Those people may be their friends, close friends even, but when it’s discovered they’re gay, suddenly that person is condemned, ostracized, ignored, and told they’re going straight to hell! From being a close friend to persona non grata in a matter of minutes. Yes, I know what the book of Leviticus states. But I also know that Jesus told us when He came we were no longer under the Law, but under grace. And that we are told to love each other as God loves the Church. Why is this command not being followed? Why do I hear pastors in particular going around and saying how much they can’t stand gay people? Yes. I’ve heard it. Obviously “love thy neighbor” only applies in certain situations.

And along those same lines, what happens if one of their family members suddenly announces he or she is gay? Will scriptures be researched again only to discover, “Oh my, I was wrong!” ?

Please don’t get me wrong. I am a believer. I love the Lord. But I have just had enough of religious hypocrisy and intolerance. When people are chastised and sometimes asked to leave their church or employment for drinking wine. That WAS the first miracle, right? Turning water into wine? When women are reminded that marriage is forever and in many cases even leaving a husband for domestic abuse or infidelity is wrong and it should’ve instead been dealt with by praying for him. Had I followed that guideline, I may not have lived through my short and disastrous second marriage. Leaving him wasn’t wrong. And I’ve been blessed with a long and happy marriage after that one.

I could go on but I’ve said enough for now. I’m sure I’ve made many people mad, but it’s time for us all to stop putting each other down, and care about others, even if we have different beliefs. I may not agree with all of my friends’ beliefs, or even my husband’s, but it’s my right to disagree as it is their right. I’m doesn’t mean I don’t still love them.

And I love my Lord, and He loves me. Just as I am. Yes I’m flawed. I’m not perfect. But I am who I am. And these are my thoughts. You’re entitled to yours as well.

Turning Back the Clocks…Turning Back Time

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It’s that weekend again. You know, the one where we turn the clocks back an hour to recapture that hour we lost back in the spring. We get to sleep an hour later on Sunday morning, and who among us won’t enjoy that!

Or maybe you’d rather look at it as an extra hour in which to do something you enjoy. Read a bit longer, watch a longer movie, indulge yourself in a relaxing bubble bath, or play with your dog an extra hour (and I’m sure he’d enjoy that!). Even though we’re only retrieving that hour we lost a few months ago when we set the clocks ahead, well, we just feel a bit different about this time change, like we’re enjoying one of those unearned rewards, a guilty indulgence just for us!

Now let’s take things a step further. Let your imagination go and think a little bit on this Saturday morning. What would you do if you could turn your clocks back more than an hour and actually travel back in time? How far back would you turn them? Would it be days? Weeks? More?

One of the characters in Mitch Albom’s novel “The Timekeeper” tells of a young boy praying “please make it yesterday” so that his father would still be alive. Is that what you would want to do? Perhaps turn back your clocks to right before you got that phone call? Right before the doctor’s appointment? Perhaps turn back your clocks to at least one day before a loved one died? Several days before? Would you want to use the time to change the outcome, or just tell them all the things you didn’t get the opportunity to say?

How many times do we say, if only I could go back and do things differently for just that one event, that one moment. If I could just take it all back, make it go away. I’d get it right this time…

But what would you be giving up if you did that?

A woman who recently went through a horrible divorce told me, “I wish I’d never met that man! That I hadn’t married him! I had a few doubts, and should’ve listened to them. But I thought we loved each other, and I never imagined he’d do this to me….”

Ahhh….but just remember if you went back in time and changed that moment, it would change everything in your life from that moment on, and in the lives of everyone around you. You wouldn’t have the children you love so much; they wouldn’t exist, because they are uniquely yours and your ex-husband’s. And those grandchildren that you adore…no, they wouldn’t be here either.

So that’s not a good idea.

But what about those tragedies that we could possibly stop if we went back in time. Surely that would be worth it? Like the bombing of the Marine Corps barracks. 9-11. All the school shootings. Those are great thoughts, and wouldn’t it mean all those people would have been able to live out their lives happily and peacefully? Most likely. But…what would the perpetrators of those tragedies have done if their original plans had been prevented? Would they have tried something else and succeeded? Something much worse?

For every action there is an opposite reaction.

Author Stephen King wrote a novel a few years ago called “11.22.63” about a man who tries to go back in time to stop the Kennedy assassination. It’s an excellent read, and really makes you think about the “what if?” Especially the ending. What if you could go back in time and alter history?

Even if you could do that, time continues on, and we cannot stop it. You would still experience much of whatever it was that happened a few hours, or a few days or even weeks, after the clocks were turned back. Your today would still be your today, but a bit different from the one you’re living though right now. The concept of changing the past to affect the future makes for an interesting book or movie plot, but in reality, we all know that is not possible.

Perfect endings only exist in our dreams, in our imagination. Changing just one part of history, of one person’s story, would impact far more lives than we can imagine; not just one person. Because every day our actions can affect hundreds of other lives, in many different ways.

So when you turn that clock back tonight, just change the time and enjoy that extra hour. It won’t change your life, or the past, or anyone else’s, but you’ll still get an extra hour of sleep in the morning!

And by the way, that extra hour of sleep is to prepare you for it suddenly getting dark by 5:00 at night. And that’s a whole other topic….

To Vote or Not to Vote…Here are the Options

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Tuesday is Election Day across this nation. A day when millions of people will go to their polling places and cast their vote for the candidates of their choice, exercising a right we are assured of in a free country. To vote for the people we want to represent us in our houses of government.

I have not missed voting in a state or national election since I was old enough to vote, some 45+ years ago. I have voted for winning candidates as well as losing candidates. I have voted Republican, Democrat, and third party. I have been overjoyed at some election results, and deeply disappointed by others. I have voted the same way as friends and family, and I have voted the exact opposite, where my vote canceled theirs.

In my younger days I even volunteered on a few political campaigns. I made phone calls and passed out literature. Right now that feels like a lifetime ago.

But I was proud to be able to cast my vote, to exercise my constitutional right. Far too many citizens of other countries do not have that right. Our forefathers fought for that right, many of them dying for that right. Voting is my constitutional right; it’s a privilege. And to me, it’s my duty as a U.S. citizen.

Sadly, millions of people will NOT go and vote on Election Day, for a variety of reasons. They say their vote doesn’t count. That’s just not true. Every vote counts. Elections have been won by one or two votes as well as by hundreds or thousands. EVERY vote counts. Every vote is important.

Many of these non-voters say it’s not important. It doesn’t impact their lives at all. They obviously don’t realize that the individuals who win elections are the ones who make the laws that dictate so many things in our life. Taxes. Health insurance. Gun laws and gun control. Immigration. Housing. Discrimination. Human rights. Keeping our country and its citizens safe. And let me add that word TAXES one more time…

Other non-voters, as well as voters, are simply tired of and disgusted by the rhetoric of the majority of the current political ads in which both parties do nothing but spew forth angry and accusatory statements about their opponents, most of which cannot possibly be true, and never bother to say a word about what they stand for and what they would try to do if elected. I refuse to vote for any candidate that does that, because all it tells me is that they are running on nothing but their own dislike of the other candidate and have no desire to really take a stand on anything.

I may be wrong, but that is how I feel, and I daresay many others feel that way as well. And before you start accusing me of partisanship, both sides are equally guilty. Whatever happened to running on issues instead of a smear campaign against an opponent? No wonder potential voters are turned off and refuse to cast a ballot. I’m turned off as well, but I WILL vote, but not for candidates who use those tactics. Whether the candidate I vote for wins or not.

This election, as with all elections, is important. It affects not only national government, but state governments and local jurisdictions as well. I have heard many people say they only vote for national issues; how foolish a statement that is, because local governments can impact your daily existence much more than the national issues. It’s all important.

If you don’t vote, you have no right to criticize or complain about what our government is doing. You have no right to complain about who’s in which office if you didn’t voice your opinion by voting. Don’t complain about high taxes or other issues you don’t agree with if you don’t vote; those of us who do vote will do it for you, and if we don’t like it, we will vote in new people, and it would be nice if you helped us do that. Otherwise, you still will have no right to complain.

I very rarely tell anyone about my political views, which have certainly changed over the years. It’s my business. And I am not going to try to convince people to vote my way, or chastise them when I find out they didn’t. That’s their business as well. At least they voted! Whether I agree with their choice or not.
This is your country as well as mine. We each have an equal say in what happens, BUT only if we all vote.

I vote. I hope you will, too. Your country, as well as future generations, including your grandchildren and mine, are counting on you.

On a Saturday Morning

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Saturday morning in the Pittsburgh suburb of Squirrel Hill started like any other. Families prepared breakfast, read parts of the newspaper, got themselves and their family dressed, talked about what their day was probably going to be like, the plans they had for later, and then headed to their place of worship.

Some probably squabbled over trivial matters. Some probably even said they’d rather have stayed in bed because they’d stayed up too late the night before.

Many were extra excited about the morning, because they were attending a baby naming ceremony, and kept talking about that little baby and what the future held for the family…

And then just a few short hours later, 11 of those people…3 women, 8 men…including a 97 year old man and a married couple in their 80’s…lay dead in their beloved synagogue, along with many other injured who were screaming for help, crying for their family members, already mourning those who had already died, praying, and asking “why”??? A special holy day had been destroyed in that massacre, along with many families who would never be the same again.

Why, indeed?

One man, filled with anger and hate, had decided these worshippers had no right to live any more. They had no right to worship their God, no right to exist in his world. Not remembering or even caring that it was their world, too.

And he screamed “All Jews must die!” as he opened fire on a synagogue of innocents. Who had done nothing more than gather to worship the Lord.

It could have been any of us in our own houses of worship on any given Saturday or Sunday morning.

Because hate does not discriminate. Hate is an evil monster who consumes everyone and everything in its path that does not agree with its twisted way of thinking. Hate is rational only to itself.

This is a national and humanitarian tragedy. It has destroyed families and relationships that will never be mended because there are missing souls who will only be reunited in heaven. All because one person decided these individuals that he had never even met didn’t deserve to live because of their religious beliefs.

Those of us who have compassion and a sense of love for our fellow man grieve this senseless tragedy. We feel tremendous sorrow and sympathy for families we cannot begin to comfort; families we don’t even know.

We are thankful for the first responders who rushed in to try and stop this senseless massacre, and pray for the officers who were wounded as well. Who knows how many lives were saved because of their response?

And who can begin to imagine the fear and the horror in that synagogue Saturday morning? I can’t. I cannot even begin to imagine.

Many are already using this attack as a political tool. Never mind the devastating act of a cowardly and hate-filled, and yes, mentally ill man. Never mind the lives which are shattered, the families destroyed, and the faith of the worshippers that I’m sure has also been shattered.

Those who are using this event as a political tool are as bad in their own way as the shooter. This is not a political platform for either side to jump on to win an election. It’s not a basis for screaming once again for gun control, because the bad guys get them whether there are laws or not, because the laws in place aren’t being followed.

This is the act of a deranged person, and unfortunately there are many more out there who are not appalled by this act, but are secretly praising this man, possibly trying to get their courage up to do something similar.

This is the time to start realizing the hate and discord in this country has to end. Politicians cannot continue to use such acts to push their agenda. Their supporters on either side cannot continue the hate-filled, angry talk that we hear on a daily basis. Both sides condemn the other while they refuse to look at themselves and realize they can be just as bad as the other side.

Where is the tolerance for others who aren’t like us? Where is the love of our fellow man that we people of faith profess to have, but then rush to put down others who don’t believe as we do? Whose lifestyles don’t agree with ours?

I’ve even heard from the mouths of some so-called Christians that these murdered Jews didn’t make it to heaven because they didn’t know Jesus! I’m sorry but I cannot imagine our Lord turning these massacred people of faith away from His kingdom any more than He did during the Holocaust. Who are we to make that decision? And by saying such things, hurting those who are hurting even more.

None of these reactions, my friends, is love and compassion.

I am sickened by the events of Saturday in Squirrel Hill, and I am tired of seeing brother against brother and friends against friends because we have to be sure we are right and everyone who disagrees with us is wrong. There can be no place in our country for this, and it needs to stop now.

Before someone else decides he or she is the only one who is right and tries to take matters into their own hands. Again.

Unfortunately I have no answers that I’m sure will solve all of this. But I am sure of one thing.

Enough is enough.

But I Know He/She Loves Me

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“Why else would he keep telling me all the time? He tells me I’m perfect, I’m the best woman he’s ever met. That he knew it immediately. He’s even planned our family holidays, our wedding, where we’ll live. He says he can’t live without me. He wants me to be with him all the time. He doesn’t want me to talk to other guys, let alone date them. He says I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have found him. No man will ever love me more or treat me like he does. Wow….

I’ve known him for two weeks. But yet…. He has this way of making me uneasy. I think I love him, too, but something isn’t right.”

“She says she’s never felt this way before. That I’m the best looking, sexiest man she’s ever met. That she’s been wanting someone like me forever, and she’s the luckiest woman alive. She wants to cook for me every night. Clean my apartment. Meet my kids and my friends. She’s even said how much she’ll love living here after we’re married…and that she’ll even be happy moving in before that so we can plan our wedding better.

I’ve always thought I’d meet someone like her. I’ve looked for her a lot. But yet…why am I feeling smothered? Uncomfortable. I really like her, but this is too much too soon. It’s only been three weeks…I don’t know that I can do this any more.”

And a few days later…

“I told him it was too fast. Too much. I needed space; needed some time. And suddenly he was a different person. Yelling at me. Accusing me of all kinds of things, like lying to him. Making him think I loved him when I didn’t. He wouldn’t leave me alone. Called or texted me continually, berating me and telling me I’d be sorry I broke his heart. Then crying that I ruined his life and he couldn’t live without me.

I was scared. I didn’t know what he’d do. Either to me or himself. Friends told me to cut all ties with him but I was afraid it would cause him to do something to himself, and I’d be responsible.”

“I told her we needed time apart. I couldn’t do every night…every weekend. I had to have time for myself. My tennis pals and golf buddies were ready to replace me. She told me it was ok, that she’d just come over and stay at my place while I was out with my friends. She’d have dinner ready for me even. Maybe even redecorate a bit. That was bad enough, but then she started questioning me about who I was with; who I was talking to….

I couldn’t do it anymore. And I told her. Told her we needed some space. She cried. Said she’d done everything for me; had even given notice at her apartment so she could move in with me. I’d never even mentioned it. She kept calling and texting me afterwards, telling me she was sorry, she loved me, couldn’t live without me…I finally blocked her number. And hoped she wouldn’t come by my place to see what I was doing.”

It’s not just women who start dating people who aren’t right for them, and don’t know how to break it off. Or worse, are afraid to break it off because they don’t want to be alone. Or they’re scared no one else will be there, and being with someone is better than being alone.

Or is it?

We’ve all heard stories about people (usually women unfortunately) who stay with people because they think things will change; that the person really doesn’t mean it when he/she says those crazy statements meant to intimidate or threaten. When they try to be around all the time, smothering their supposed significant other to the point of making them run the other way.

Or worse, when that person starts threatening, berating, screaming, or in some cases, eventually resulting to physical violence. And afterwards, of course, apologizing, begging forgiveness, promising it won’t happen again. Until it does. Or even blaming the other person on his or her actions, saying “You made me do it!”

We’ve all either been there, or had friends who’ve been there.

That’s not love. That’s manipulation. Control. Self-centeredness. Selfishness. Intimidation. Jealousy.

And let me tell you, eventually very dangerous.

You say it won’t happen to you? Think again. It can. And if you stay in a relationship like that, it will. Trust me. I know.

You cannot change someone like this. And without professional help, neither can they. You may care for them, or think you do, even think you love them, but that kind of love isn’t healthy, and leads to nothing but disaster. The best thing to do in this situation is walk away. Run away. Don’t look back, because each time you do it opens the door for the cycle to start over again.

True love is not manipulative. It is not one sided. It is not smothering. It is not jealous. It does not force guilt on others. It is never violent.

True love is patient. It respects the other person. True love requires each person in the relationship to think more of the other person’s feelings than their own.

The actions of true love speak louder than words ever can.

A relationship of love is built on mutual feelings. Mutual respect. It does not happen overnight. Yes, attraction certainly happens immediately, but true love requires a deep emotional bond with the other person that can only come with time. Time to get to know each other. And to develop a relationship that deepens as that time goes on.

He/she loves you? Maybe in their own sad way they do. But it’s not real love.

And it can only lead to broken hearts. And disaster.

Moms Are Special

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Even after almost 12 years I still find myself missing her so much. There are many, many times that I wake up just wanting to talk to her one more time.

That feeling is magnified when I talk to friends whose mothers are going through serious illnesses, and when I see the pain of worry in their eyes and hear the fear in their voices as they talk about the surgeries or the chemo their mom is facing. When they talk about her memory issues and how scared they are about what could be ahead.

It makes my heart hurt. For both of them.

Because I know all too well how they feel.

Moms are so special. Most of us have been blessed with wonderful loving mothers who would have given their lives for their children…and if they’re still around, they still would.

When we’re very young, our moms are the ones who are always there for us; who encourage us; guide us; and yes, tell us when we’re wrong, even though we may not want to hear it at the time. As we get older our relationship evolves into not only a deeper love, but a friendship that only another mother and daughter can understand.

And when that relationship is threatened because Mom is seriously ill, we just want to return to that easier time, when we were kids and Mom was younger and healthy, and our biggest problem was what to eat for dinner or wear to school for picture day.

Because our moms are special. Whether we’re lucky enough to see or talk to them every day, or only see them once or twice a year, they’re still our moms, and just knowing they’re at least only a phone call away gives us a sense of comfort. A sense of comfort we don’t totally appreciate until it’s gone.

It seems like forever since I’ve been able to talk to my mother. But I still remember the sound of her voice, and I can still hear her say my name in my mind, almost as clearly as if she were standing behind me. I hope I never lose that sound. There are so many times I need to hear it.

I never really had a fear of losing her. Not until the last year or so of her life when it suddenly became clear she wasn’t going to be with us forever. She’d been a part of my life for so long, I’d never even thought about that possibility. I just always accepted she’d be part of our lives forever. But no one lives on this earth forever.

I miss her. A lot. Even after so many years there are still times I find myself saying, “I need to tell Mom that!” Or, “Mom will love hearing about what Rachel (her great-granddaughter who’s named after her) did today!” Sometimes I even pick up my phone and start punching in her number (yes, I still remember it)…until I remember I can’t. She’s not there anymore. And I don’t know her phone number up in heaven.

Even at my age, I still miss her. There are so many times I still need to talk to her. To get her advice. To share special moments of happiness. And be comforted when things go wrong as only my mother could do.

Mom taught me well, although I didn’t know it at the time. She taught me what it means to be a mother, and passed a very special and important baton to me when she left. You see, now I’m the mother that’s the head of our family. The matriarch. I’m the one our daughter looks to during those moments, those times a daughter just needs her mom. And even then, I find myself longing for my own mom’s advice, because I know I can never fill her shoes.

I wonder if she felt that way about her own mother. Somehow I believe she did. After all, Mother’s are special, especially to their daughters.

As we approach Mother’s Day, a holiday that’s still hard for me because she’s no longer here to enjoy it with, let me remind each of you to remember how special your mother is. If she’s still here, spend time with her, and if you’re not lucky enough to live nearby, call her, and talk to her as long as you can.

Even if your relationship with her isn’t good, for each of your sakes, make the call, or drop by for a short visit. At least she’s still around. One day she won’t be, and you won’t have the opportunity any more.

Mom, I miss you. I love you. I still need you here. But I can’t change things. I know you’re happy where you are, because you’re with my father again. But I still selfishly wish you were here.

Happy Mother’s Day. I hope it’s wonderful up in Heaven. And I hope you can get a glimpse of us as we’re celebrating three generations of women in our family. We love you. And miss you terribly.

Because you’re special. And always will be.

A Letter to a Mother to Be

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You just found out you were pregnant. This isn’t your first baby. You’ve had several.

You know all of the symptoms. All the feelings. That excitement and wonder of new life growing inside you. You may be almost 40 years old, but the excitement is as strong as it was with your first one, some 17 years ago.

The problem is, you’re no longer married. You already have five children, the youngest just starting school. You’re excited, but you’re also scared. Not only of what other people will say or think, including your children and family, but what the baby’s father will think. He has no children. He’s never even been married.

You love this man, and want to spend the rest of your life with him. But you don’t know where the baby fits in with these plans. You’ve never thought about it; never discussed it. You never had reason to. You don’t know how he’ll react, but

because you love him so much and he loves you, it’s going to be all right.

Or is it?

And it’s almost Mother’s Day. The day you’ve always enjoyed because it means so much to you to be “Mom” to those five wonderful children. Sure they’re a handful, and it’s been challenging, to say the least. Especially since the divorce. You’re not sure you’re doing everything the way you should now. In fact, you’re a huge bundle of nerves and emotions now, probably because you’re pregnant again, and probably because you know you’re going to have to tell tell the baby’s father.

Tonight. You’re going to break the news tonight. And you don’t know how he’s going to react. You don’t want to lose him. But you also know that you don’t want to lose this new little life already growing inside you. The life you two created together, just like the five other lives you created with your ex-husband. You wouldn’t trade them for anything.

You wouldn’t trade away one sleepless night, one of those rushed trips to the doctor for stitches, fevers, and ear infections. You’d not give up any of those precious good night kisses, middle of the night snuggles, handmade Mother’s Day cards, the little bunches of dandelions lovingly presented by your three year old who couldn’t wait to tell you, “I picked these for you all by myself.”

No, you wouldn’t trade any of it away, and you wouldn’t give up any opportunity to have those wonderful moments just one more time.

So tonight, what are you going to do if he isn’t happy? If he tells you it’s him or the baby? Sure you’ve thought about it. But in your heart, you know what the right thing to do will be. And you’ll do it.

I can’t tell you what will happen tonight. But I can tell you not to be afraid of any decision you have to make, because I know you’ll make the right one. The unselfish one.

You may end up having this baby without the support of its father. You may end up broken hearted because he decides to leave. Or you might find the beginning of what you hope will be “happily ever after.”

It’s hard to predict this particular outcome. But no matter what happens, what he says or does, I know you’ll make the right decision. You’ll hold your head up. You won’t be embarrassed or ashamed. Your children will be excited. Your real friends will be supportive and help you as much as they can. The ones that talk about you, whisper behind your back…they aren’t your real friends.

And you will make a wonderful life with your soon to be six children. A life you would never have ever imagined…..

It’s almost Mother’s Day. Celebrate that new life and all it means, because a new life is always precious, and should never be taken for granted or discarded.

Are You Drowning or Swimming?

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No, this isn’t about water safety. Most of us know the do’s and don’ts about being around the water. How to stay out of the deep end if you can’t swim; when to wear a life jacket; that you shouldn’t go in the ocean when there are rip tides, etc.

But sometimes we can be drowning in our lives without even being near a body of water. And even the best swimmers can forget how to swim when that begins to happen.

Life tosses a lot of things at us. Health issues, relationship issues, problems at work or difficulty finding or keeping a job. Financial issues, loneliness, legal problems….

And before you know it, you feel like you’re drowning. There’s too much swirling around you, knocking against you, pushing you under the waves of life until you don’t think you can breathe any more.

You try to tread water while you cry out for help, waiting for someone to come along and save you from all of this; to give you a hand you can take and instantly pull you out of the maelstrom swirling around you, as all of your problems drop to the bottom of the ocean you’re in. And suddenly everything is perfect again.

That would be nice, and in a perfect world, or the ending of a children’s movie, that would happen. And everyone would be living happily ever after.

But in life there are no magic potions, no knights in shining armor, and no super heroes to suddenly appear and whisk you away from all the problems of your life and make them disappear.

Because it’s up to you. Someone else cannot solve all of your problems. Others can certainly give advice, but you have to be sure the advice is from a trusted source, someone who’s giving you good advice rather than telling you what you want to hear.

Someone who comes alongside of you and helps you swim, rather than pulling you out from drowning. Because when you’re constantly being rescued, you never learn how to swim on your own.

Yes, that’s certainly easier. But life isn’t easy. And you don’t grow into the person you need to become if you’re always looking to be rescued from the things that come against you in life.

Health problems don’t disappear overnight; you usually need a doctor’s care.

Financial problems don’t disappear overnight either; not unless you win the lottery or inherit money from someone. And what are the chances of that?

Unfortunately relationships don’t always work out, and when that happens, jumping immediately into another one isn’t the answer, and doesn’t make everything perfect again. Finding someone to be your “significant other” because you’re lonesome doesn’t mean all your problems will go away either. In fact, sometimes that causes even more problems.

Treading water doesn’t work for long. It exhausts you and gets you nowhere. Treading water is only doing nothing, because you just don’t have the energy to do anything else.

You have to start swimming. And if that’s not something you’re good at, you need to learn, and learn quickly. You may not be very good at it at first, but the more you do it, the better you become.

Swimming is something that has to be learned, and some of us have an easier time than others. But it’s necessary in order to be able to function in our daily lives…both personally and professionally.

The best way to learn to swim? Well, in most cases there’s no time for swimming lessons; you just have to jump in and do it. Take one issue at a time and swim into it. It may take some extra time, because you’ll most likely be fighting against the current, but eventually you’ll get the hang of it, and you’ll end up pushing that problem aside as you solve it, and taking on the next one.

If you let all of the problems come at you at one time they’ll overwhelm you, and you’ll never be able to solve any of them. You’ll drown in the mixture as you try to solve everything at once.

Remember, a successful swimmer requires skill, but also requires determination as well as concentration. Concentrate on one thing at a time, and you’ll end up swimming like a champion.

A successful swimmer also needs a coach, so you might want to look for someone who can act as your coach, a trusted friend who can advise you on what you should do. But coaches require you to listen to them, and take their coaching seriously. You have to be ready to do this, and do what they say.

You’re the only one who can decide when you’re ready to start swimming instead of drowning in a sea of problems that threaten to overwhelm your entire life.
You can do this. Truly you can. You can swim out of everything that’s overwhelming you.

Just give yourself the chance.

Dive in! The water’s great, and before you know it, you’ll be out of that sea of problems and into the clearest and most beautiful water you’ve ever seen!

Counting Chickens Backwards

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Another wonderful (not) night of not sleeping well. This time, waking up at 2:30 in the morning. Tossing and turning, growling at the alarm clock displaying the time in its glowing red numbers, almost mocking me that I’m awake when I shouldn’t be!

This not sleeping business is getting old. Not meaning I’m old, because I’m not. It’s just that this insomnia stuff needs to be old news!

It’s especially irritating when your husband asks you why you can’t sleep. Actually, if I knew the answer, don’t you think I’d fix it!!??? Don’t ask me dumb questions! Please!

But it is getting ridiculous. And a lot of my friends are experiencing the same thing. Maybe we’re just thinking too much…so much that we wake up in the middle of the night, our brains going 100 miles an hour while the rest of us says “please stop!”

Go back to sleep already!

Easier said than done. Unfortunately.

The other night when my husband and I were talking about how I was the one with the insomnia problem while he always slept thru the night, at least til 4:00, he decided to give me some ideas on getting back to sleep. Just what I needed…but I listened. Sort of.

It’s amazing how so many people have so many ideas about sleeping and going back to sleep in the middle of the night. If they were the ones having the problem, and they gave me ideas that worked, maybe I’d listen. However…do any of these suggestions seem to work for you?

Counting sheep, right. How ridiculous is that. Imagine a never ending line of fluffy white wooly creatures walking slowly along, baa-ing continually to the point where you want to yell at them to shut up so you can have peace and quiet. Yeah, that sure works!

Or recounting a past moment during the week or month where you were so relaxed you couldn’t help but fall asleep. Like being at the beach, lying on the sand with the warm sun shining on you. A wonderful feeling, until you hear the sea gulls squawking over you and suddenly one of them decides to drop love beads on your chest! Yep, wide awake again!

Or imaging yourself floating on a soft white cloud, high above the earth, just you and a few songbirds flying beside you. Just drifting around, peaceful and serene, until suddenly a huge black cloud appears over the top of you, and lets loose with a huge clap of thunder and a shot of lightning! So much for sleep!

My favorite had to be when my husband suggested I just lay there and “count chickens backwards.” Do shat?? Can you actually imagine a row of chickens, some white, some red, and a few black speckled ones mixed in, walking backwards in a crooked line to some rock song you don’t even like, or maybe doing their own version of the “Chicken Dance.” And suddenly you’re singing that song in your head, and it won’t go away, and you’re past ready to take one of those dancing chickens and perch it on top of someone’s head…and hope it lays an egg!

And then you’re really wide awake!

So what’s the trick to sleeping through the night? Without sleeping pills?

Unfortunately I have no idea. Some nights are like that. Some aren’t.

Cuddling up to a sleeping kitty or puppy is a great idea, but if you’re not careful you’ll wake them up, and they won’t thank you. If it’s your dog, they’ll make you take them outside, and I guarantee that won’t be fun! And you certainly won’t go back to sleep then. If it’s a cat they’ll demand to be fed, and in a very loud and annoying way!

Get up and work, or read, or watch tv? Well that’s an idea, but unfortunately you’ll end up falling back to sleep about half an hour before it’s time to get up. And be wasted for the rest of the day.

Get on Facebook and see who else is awake? That’s an idea. But all you do is share your misery. Misery may love company, but not at 3:00 in the morning!

Unfortunately I don’t have a solution. Just a problem I need to solve. And I don’t have any magic answers.

How about you? Are you in the same boat? If you are, let’s hear your solutions. We could all benefit from them, I imagine.

Even those chickens walking backwards in front of you, just waiting to be counted! They probably don’t sleep well either.

Let me know what works for you!

Night night…..

A Promise Kept

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Almost two years ago I had to make a tough decision, like many of you have had to do as well. And it wasn’t easy. It was a decision we’ve had to make several times before, and each time it’s awful.

For those of you who are pet lovers, you’ll understand what I’m talking about very quickly. Because our fur babies are part of our family, from the first moment we bring them home. They jump into our hearts and make their nest, and we quickly wonder what we ever did without them.

And all too soon, we end up saying a tearful good bye. Because their lifespans are much shorter than people’s, and even though we know that from the beginning, we still pour our hearts and our love into each one of our special pets.

And they do the same for us.

Over the years I’ve had both dogs and cats. I’ve loved each and every one of them, and cried buckets of tears when it was time to say goodbye.

It was really bad when just two weeks after our daughter’s wedding, we had to say goodbye to Angel dog, my mother’s Pekingese that we had cared for since my mom’s death ten years before. I felt like I was losing the last part of my mother I still had left.

As I was crying and sobbing, my dear husband told me he could just picture little Angel running on her now arthritis-free legs, right up to the door of my mom’s heavenly mansion and barking to be let in, and happily joining my mom’s other dogs she’d had over the years that had been waiting for her at the Rainbow Bridge. I can only imagine what a wonderful furry reunion that must have been!

But I was still heartbroken….

Then a year later I had to say a very teary goodbye to my very favorite cat, Princess, a beautiful black tortoiseshell Persian with curly whiskers and the most wonderful purr I’d ever heard. I put off the decision as long as I could, but sadly I finally had no choice but to let her go to the Rainbow Bridge.

Again, I was heartbroken, but before she left, Princess gave me a promise that she’d send me a new kitty that looked just like her. And she told me all about the Rainbow Bridge where pets go when they pass on to their next life, waiting for us to join them, or going to meet their owners who have already left them for their heavenly home.

And I held on to her promise.

I didn’t realize how it would turn out, though. And certainly it wasn’t like I’d thought.

You see, Princess had promised to send me a kitty just like her. I tried and tried, with no success, to find the one she’d promised me. She was nowhere to be found.

But what I didn’t know, was that all along Princess Kitty had had something better in mind, and she just didn’t want to spoil the surprise she had for me. And she knew I wouldn’t mind if she changed things around a bit.

About a year ago I was involved in an auto accident. It was a bad one, and it threw me into a depression I hadn’t expected. It affected me in ways I never expected. And I needed something to bring me out of my funk. But nothing seemed to be able to help.

And then, out of the blue, a friend of mine posted on her Facebook page that she needed a new home for her Yorkie, because she just couldn’t keep him any more. He needed a home where he could run outside and play, where he would have people who’d love him as much as she did, but could give him the attention he deserved.

Now I’ve always had a thing for Yorkies; I’ve always wanted one. For about 40 years, but who’s counting? What an opportunity! Of course I immediately contacted her!

Obviously Princess Kitty had planned a surprise for me I’d never expected. As much as I love our kitties, I also love Yorkies, and this was my chance!

And two days later, Benji joined our family. I don’t know who was happier, my husband or me. Because Benji’s an awesome dog, perfect for us, sweet and loving and loyal. Plus he’s willing to put up with my dressing him in doggie t shirts and bandanas, and taking his picture with Santa and the Easter Bunny!

I knew Princess had sent him to us. She knew how much I’d always wanted a Yorkie, and she took care of it. And maybe she just didn’t want us to have another kitty who looked like her. Because she really was one of a kind.

As much as we adore our Benji we felt guilty leaving him all by himself while we went to work. He needed a friend. So a few months ago the search began for a sister for Benji.

And it wasn’t easy. It had to be the right doggie, younger, but not too young. A little girl dog who needed a new home, and a big brother to show her around, to protect her. Someone to play with, and to go squirrel hunting with. A doggie who needed to be rescued.

That wasn’t easy either.

But suddenly after three months of searching, we had the opportunity to get Benji a sister. Someone had turned in a 4 month old little girl Yorkie-Shih tzu mix to a local animal shelter. She’d been spayed, and would be up for adoption the next day. As soon as we saw her picture I knew she was perfect! And that Benji would be really happy with her.

We just had to make it happen. Come on Princess Kitty, help us out here! You promised!

The shelter opened the next day at noon. My husband Ben was there by 11:45 and there were already 14 people ahead of him in line. Most of them wanting this particular dog. But one by one people started dropping out of line. Some didn’t want to wait until noon to go in, and some didn’t want to pay the $100 adoption fee!

And then there were only two people ahead of him. Both wanting the dog WE wanted…

When the shelter opened everyone went in and had an opportunity to look at the dog they wanted from a distance, and then fill out an application for adoption.

Afterwards everyone went in one on one to play with the dog for a few minutes. The first people came out a few minutes later and said they’d decided on a bigger dog.

So then there were two.

While Ben and the other lady were waiting for their turns they had been talking, and he’d told her he wanted to get the dog for his wife’s birthday gift, and how our other dog needed a playmate!

When the lady went in to play with the doggie, it seemed like she was in there forever. All this time I was waiting to hear from Ben, and…nothing. I just knew it wasn’t going to happen. I was a nervous wreck…and I’d not even seen this little one in person!

Then all of a sudden he texted me and said, “she’s ours!” Princess Kitty came through! The lady had come out after seeing the doggie and playing with her, walked up to Ben, and said, “I’ve decided to bless you and let you have her for your wife’s birthday present.”

An hour and a half later I finally met little Chloe in person. She was sitting in the front seat of Ben’s car, wagging her tail at us, and smiling like only a newly rescued puppy can smile! She knew she finally had her fur-ever home!

And now Benji has a little sister, who’s already following him everywhere, sleeping beside him, and yes, irritating him on occasion. Because that’s what little sisters do.

Princess Kitty kept her promise to me, and although she didn’t send me another kitty that looked like her, she sent us two wonderful furry friends that have already taken over our house, filling it with more love, assorted dog toys mixed among our granddaughter’s toys, and a jar of dog treats sitting on the counter beside the (human) cookie jar.

Princess Kitty kept her promise in her own way. After all, cats do their own thing, and make their own rules. They keep their promises, but sometimes in their own way. And I have to say. I’m thrilled at the way she kept her promise.

Benji and Chloe are the perfect pair of dogs for us. We couldn’t be happier at the way Princess worked things out!

And one day when we see Princess again, we’ll be able to thank her in person!

Note: If you’re looking for a fur-ever friend, whether it’s a dog or cat, please consider your local animal shelter, SPCA, or rescue organization. They have many animals looking for a loving, fur-ever home. You won’t be disappointed.

Artwork by Stella Violano…Fine Art America

Want to read the other stories in this series?
Meet Me at the Rainbow Bridge
The Bridge is Calling

Every Morning Starts with a Sunrise

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Why is that such a big deal, you may ask?

Because it’s a daily reminder that every day is a brand new day. A new start. A new opportunity to begin something you’ve always wanted to do; to take a chance. To step out of your comfort zone and grasp what’s ahead of you with total expectations of the best that’s yet to come.

Because each new day brings that same feeling of expectation. That feeling of newness. This new day ahead of you is like no other before it, and the one after it will be totally different as well.

This new day begins quite similar to a lot of other new days, but like snowflakes, no two sunrises are ever quite the same, just as no two days are ever the same.

Sure, the sun rises in the same place in the sky every morning. And even if you watch it from the exact same spot every time, it’s never going to be quite the same. The cloud formations will be a bit different, painting the colors around the sun and throughout the sky with streaks and splotches that will not be repeated again in any sunrise. The Master Artist who paints each sunrise paints each one slightly different every morning, just as an artist who paints on canvas can never paint exactly the same picture a second time.

It just reminds us that every sunrise brings a new day. A new hope. A new adventure.

A new beginning.

Some mornings it’s extremely difficult to see the sunrise. It may be totally obscured from our sight by thick clouds bringing rain or snow, and the prospect of gloomy, dreary weather. But the sunrise is still there, just as it is every morning; we just can’t see it, because the darkness keeps it away.

And we can’t truly appreciate the beauty of the light until we’ve been in the darkness. Just like the sunrise…if we could see it every morning no matter what, we’d eventually get complacent, and stop seeing and appreciating the wonder that comes with each bright, beautiful new beginning. We might not always appreciate the sunrise and what it means as much as we should if it were always clearly visible to us.

Similarly, how can we know real joy unless we’ve known sorrow? We’d have nothing to compare it to.

Did you watch this morning’s sunrise? Did its sheer beauty, its colorful display of bright light, speak to your heart? Did it make you feel loved? Did it remind you that no matter how the day before was, this is a new day…a new beginning. A new chance to do something better than yesterday.

It’s a new opportunity to start the rest of your life all over again, to change past mistakes, begin new relationships, and start to become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

That’s all in that sunrise you watched. And if you didn’t see it, just know it was there, and even if you missed it, the same opportunity awaits you. You can see another sunrise tomorrow morning.

But right now, it’s a new day. The sun has risen and brought you this new day. This new opportunity.

What are you going to do with it?