Monthly Archives: February 2024

When Heaven’s Gain is Our Loss

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As it usually is. We lose a loved one but Heaven gains another angel.

We grieve our loss. We cry. We mourn. We reflect. We ask why. 

But we really don’t get answers. Because those answers to those questions are not ours to know. And we will only get the answers when we get to our forever home ourselves. 

Just this last week a dear friend lost her great nephew, along with one of his friends, in a senseless drunk driving accident. Being only 26, he had his entire life ahead of him, which was cut short by a senseless act of selfishness which destroyed three families, not counting his own. Two other friends were hospitalized and one is still in a wheelchair.

Also last week, a beloved family member of mine passed away at the age of 97. Yes, she’d lived a full life, a happy life, even though she’d lost her husband to cancer some forty years before. But she is still greatly missed by all of us, even though we know she’s had a wonder reunion with her husband as well as her brothers and sisters and countless friends.

No matter what age, or what the circumstances are, any time a person dies, a family is left behind to grieve. To mourn. To pick up the pieces. And continue on while a part of themselves is forever gone from this life.

And for those of us who are left behind it is our responsibility to carry on their legacy in whatever way we choose. In whatever way we believe would best honor them.

There are countless families every day who go through this. And there are countless more to follow. Whether such a loss is expected or sudden, no matter whether the person is older or young, or very young, it’s still a loss, and it’s still difficult for those who are left behind.

In the time it takes to read this, Heaven has most likely already gained another angel from somewhere in the world. 

We don’t know when the time will be. But it will happen. 

And we all need to be prepared. Somehow. And it’s never easy, no matter how prepared we think we may be.

Grief is a part of life, and there comes a time in each of our lives that we go through it.

Heaven’s gain becomes our loss far too many times. Until that one day we are all reunited again. And we will know the joy they’ve been experiencing while waiting for us.

To those who are grief stricken now, be encouraged knowing that one day…that grief will end.

Rethinking Valentine’s Day 2024

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Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. Just a day away.

The card shops are overflowing with red and pink; there are hearts everywhere, and an entire store-length row of cards, from mushy to funny, for spouses, sweethearts, kids…even the dog and cat! There are singing stuffed animals everywhere, boxes of candy and all kinds of cute figurines that scream “I love you!” Tuesday evening the shops will be full of guys who leave everything to the last minute, and then realize their wife or girlfriend is going to be really upset if they’re empty-handed Wednesday morning.

The florist shops are full of red and pink roses, whose prices are inflated (of course!) for the weekend. After all, roses are in high demand right now, especially red ones! Mylar balloons are appropriately displayed, and deliveries are impossible to schedule, because there just isn’t enough time.

The candy stores are equally busy, making all manner of chocolate goodies, and as quickly as they’re made, they’re walking out the door. Chocolate covered strawberries are a hugely popular item this year, and of course, extremely pricey!

And the restaurants have been advertising their special romantic “dinner for two” packages, with special menus, special wines, and decadent desserts. And for an extra $5 or $10, they’ll include a rose or two. You’d better already have your reservations at the really popular places, because there aren’t any reservations left!

Everywhere you go, you’re bombarded with reminders of Valentine’s Day. You’re even hit with them at the grocery store!

You’re supposed to show him/her how much you REALLY love them on this day. But what about the day before, and the day after? The week after? Don’t those days count as well? Why should we limit showing someone we love them to just one particular day?

But there are many people out there for which Valentine’s Day is just another reminder of what they’ve lost. Like Thanksgiving and Christmas, it can also be a very difficult day.

What about those individuals whose spouses have died, and they’re alone, perhaps for the first time, on Valentine’s Day. They may pass by a card display in a store and see those cards reading “To My Husband/Wife on Valentine’s Day” and suddenly the pain they’ve put away for months comes back as they remember last year’s celebration, and even the cards they may have exchanged.

What about those people whose spouses have deserted them for someone else? They, too, remember previous years, and are now thinking how he/she is with that other person having a wonderful time, while they’re sitting home alone, or perhaps wondering if during last year’s Valentine celebration their now “ex” was actually dreaming about someone else.

Then there’s the young woman who was happily planning her wedding until her fiancé told her just a month ago that he’s changed his mind and calling it off.

What about the young woman or young man who is still searching for that special person to share their life with, and year after year Valentine’s Day is the same? A constant reminder that there’s no one out there for them yet, while all their friends seem to have already found the love of their life. Why not them?

And there’s the couple who just got a devastating diagnosis from the doctor. Now they’re wondering if there’ll even be another Valentine’s Day together next year.

Don’t get me wrong. I like Valentine’s Day; I always have. I enjoy getting a card or two from my husband, and I won’t turn down a box of candy, although now I ask him not to spend money on cut flowers (give me a rosebush I can plant!). But over the past few years we’ve had so many friends going through so much, it has really caused me to reflect on how we think about our loved ones, and how often we actually tell them how important they are to us; how much we appreciate them. Especially the older we get. Because there may not be enough time.

If you’re like me, you don’t do it nearly enough. It’s easy to get so entrenched in our day to day activities that we don’t always take the time we should to let them know we love them, and how much we appreciate those little things they do. And I’m just as guilty as the next person.

We shouldn’t wait til Valentine’s Day to send a message of love, give a card or a box of candy, or take someone out to a special dinner. If we wait, how do we know there’ll be another opportunity? And if there’s no one special in your life right now, call a friend and go somewhere with them; who knows who you may meet because of that particular “date”?

Our daughter has never been one to look to a boyfriend, and now her husband, to shower her with gifts on Valentine’s Day. In fact, she told us many times in high school and college that it wasn’t important to her. “Why should we spend all that money for one day to impress someone? We should do it every day if we really care. It’s just a way for the stores to make money.” I used to worry about her sentiments being a bit misplaced, but looking back a few years, I believe she taught us a thing or two. Sure, she and Chris usually go out on that day, and she did actually decorate a big Valentine cookie for him one year, but her attitude has remained the same. We should show our loved ones each day how much we care about them. While we still can. Because we may not be able to a few days from now.

How about buying a few extra valentine cards to have around all year, just to surprise someone when they least expect it? It could brighten someone’s day more than you know! Let’s extend Valentine’s Day into a lot more than just one day. After all, true love is not limited to just one day each year.

There’s Really A Galentine’s Day?

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Actually, yes. There is. I looked it up.

It’s like Valentines Day, except for girls. It may not be an official “holiday” but for millions of gals (women, ladies, girls, whatever you prefer to call you and your female friends), it really is a thing.

Now over the years, many single women used to dread Valentine’s Day because it reminded a lot of them that weren’t in a relationship, whether through no fault of their own, or they’d just had a terrible breakup or worse, their husband had passed away, or they just weren’t interested in a relationship at that point in time.

Right now the “official” Galentines Day is February 13. It’s a day for celebrating the platonic love between women, and friends of all genders. It can be with mothers, daughters, sisters, friends. Many women actually schedule Galentines Day and go out with their female friends while leaving their own husbands or significant others to fend for themselves.

It’s actually got some traditions already started. Like getting a bunch of friends lined up to go out and then drawing names to get that person a special gift to open that night from their “galentine”. I sort of like that idea.  It’s sort of like a secret Santa,only a “Secret Cupid”.

You can have the Galentines celebration at a restaurant or at someone’s home. With special indulgent sweet treats, like brownie heart cupcakes, pink champagne truffles, raspberry velvet cake, etc., forget the main course and go straight to the dessert.

After some special cocktails or champagne, of course. Or with those yummy desserts. Who cares? It’s a celebration!

In fact, you can make it an all day celebration, with a spa day, including mani-pedis, hair color and styling, massages, wine tasting…you name it.

So what do you think? Are you ready for something different this year? 

Let your imagination take flight, and let us know what you come up with!

Actually it sounds like a lot of fun!

Leaving Everything Behind. why?

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Several months ago I read yet another sad, or better said, gut-wrenching, story of a young man who decided life would be easier if he just gave up and left it behind for something else.

His mother is naturally grief stricken and almost beyond comfort. “My heart is broken beyond repair and I can not fathom how to go on…but I have to believe he is at peace with the Lord and that God will get us through.”

His brothers and sisters and countless other family members as well as his friends are devastated.

Suicide is unfortunately a choice of last resort for many, many people suffering from depression. Or facing a devastating  diagnosis. Or being bullied and taunted by selfish and uncaring people until they can’t take it any more.

This particular young man was suffering from depression. He was being treated and counseled by professionals. He was greatly loved. But for him, it just wasn’t enough.

And we’re hearing so many more stories like this, and far too often.

Just ten days ago a car drove off a privately owned pier here in Virginia Beach very early on a Saturday morning. A couple of joggers were out on the boardwalk that morning taking pictures of the sunrise and happened to videotape the car as it drove along the pier, smashing through barricades and gates, pausing only once, and then plowing through the last barricade before it plunged into the ocean below, quickly disappearing into the seventeen foot seas below.

Police were on the scene within 4 minutes, but there was no sign of the car or anyone in the water. Divers had to wait several days to safely go down to see about the car which was resting upside down in the water, and try to get some evidence to at least identify the vehicle, since it was too dangerous to try to go close enough to look inside the car and determine how many people had been inside.

All I could think of was surely, somewhere there’s someone who’s trying to find a friend or a loved one who’s missing, and wondering if that person or persons could be inside that car. But no one came forward. Maybe they were from out of town and no one knew they were missing. Or maybe they had no one to care enough about them to check on their whereabouts.

Finally three days later there was a report of a missing person that could be the driver. But we still don’t know. Even now that the car was finally pulled out of the water almost a week later. There was a body of a male inside, but still no idea who it was since the license plate on the car was gone. Most likely the police have a good idea, but haven’t said anything yet until the family has been told.

A memorial has started on the pier, growing daily, with cards, signs, flowers and the like, posthumously letting the world know that this one person’s life will not be forgotten.

But what could possibly cause someone to be so depressed, so downtrodden, and feeling so hopeless and alone that they just felt there was no way out except to end their life? How could they leave behind people who love them and care about them? What went so wrong in their life that they just couldn’t face it anymore?

I have no answers. They will hopefully be coming soon, and I’m sure the answers won’t be the answers that any of us want to hear.

Nothing can be so bad that there is no way out except ending your life.

Nothing.

If you or someone you know is suicidal or suffering from severe emotional distress, there are resources out there. One is the 988 suicide and crisis hotline.  It’s a national network of local crisis centers that provide free and confidential support. They are available to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can learn more at 988lifeline.org.