Yearly Archives: 2024

Reflections on the Season

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It’s been awhile since I’ve posted on here. Several months, in fact. I just didn’t feel like it. I was in a drought of creativity as far as writing, and there were times I never thought I’d pick it up again.

But today, as I look towards tomorrow and Thanksgiving, as well as the beginning of the Christmas season, I find myself looking at certain things in a whole new light. 

And I find myself looking backwards once again to times that were, and family celebrations that I miss so much. 

Many years ago, our family celebrated Thanksgiving together at my mother’s house. Her two sisters and their husbands would come, along with my cousins. Everyone brought a dish or two, and we all celebrated a special time of love and fellowship, enjoying just being together, as well as a bounty of homemade foods. There were no arguments, but there was a lot of laughter, and a lot of love.

As the years progressed, certain family members were no longer with us, while new members joined us, a result of marriages, children, and grandchildren. It was such a special time each year to celebrate together.

But as the years wore on, times changed. The family dynamics changed, with each family segment beginning to go their own separate ways and starting their own unique family Thanksgiving traditions. 

As for my side of the family, it became my mom and my husband and daughter celebrating together. When she left us, for several years we celebrated with friends and their families. But it really wasn’t the same. And I so missed that.

But now let’s fast forward to today. A lot has changed in those 18 years since we lost my mother.  And seriously, how can it be eighteen years? But lives go in circles. Young children grow up and start their own families, and their own traditions.

Tomorrow we will celebrate Thanksgiving together as a family of seven. Our daughter is now married and she and her husband are the proud parents of two daughters and an almost two year old son. We are so very proud of them, but I also cannot help but look back and wish that my mom and dad, and her sisters and brothers and their spouses could be with us as well, and know our special family. And that our grandchildren could have had the chance to meet the family that came before them. 

Yes, I’m feeling nostalgic, like I do every year at this time. And I’m sure so many of you feel that way as well. We all look back, especially at holidays, and wish so much that our loved ones who have gone before us could have just a few hours back here with us to see where we are now and meet the newest members of our family.

There will always be empty chairs at our Thanksgiving table for our loved ones, even though those chairs are not physically present. But they exist in our minds, and if we look really close, and close our eyes, we can see them sitting with us, enjoying conversations as well as a delicious dinner. We can see and feel the love surrounding us all. And in those few moments our families are reunited, if only in our minds, in truly magical ways.

It’s the joy and the sentiment we encounter every year at this time. And we must be careful to take the time to enjoy and savor every moment, because next year won’t be the same, nor the year after that, and the years after that.

It’s all right to be a bit sad at this time of year as we remember those who are no longer physically with us, just as it’s all right to celebrate those who have joined us, not to take the place of, but to become a new part of, the family traditions that we embrace each year. 

My wish to each and every one of you is to have a happy and joyous Thanksgiving day, to appreciate the blessings you have, and to put aside any disagreements for this time together, and to just spend that time loving each other’s company while you’re still able to do it. Because we don’t know what the tomorrows that follow will bring.

Won’t Ever Have to Vote Again?

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What in the name of freedom does that even mean?

And why would any political candidate ever say anything like that? Because it makes absolutely no sense at all.

“You have to get out and vote. you won’t have to do it anymore. Four years it will be fixed, it will be fine. You won’t have to vote anymore. In four years, you won’t have to vote again…..”

Talk about a foolish statement…. 

Our founding fathers fought hard to give us the right to vote for our leaders. They put a series of checks and balances in place to assure that future Americans would have the right. Yes, we had to make changes along the way to ensure everyone eventually got that same right, but at no time was that right ever talked about being done away with.

It’s too important. It’s one of the most vital rights afforded us in a free nation; the right to have a say in the leaders we select for the country. It is a right that many other countries do not have. It is a right to cherish.

And it is a responsibility that we should never take lightly. Or take for granted.

I remember how excited I was to turn 21 and finally be able to vote. I proudly registered and voted in my first presidential election for Richard Nixon. 

I have not missed voting in a presidential election since that time, and will surely vote in this upcoming election as well.

So why would a presidential, or any other, candidate tell me I’ll not have to do it again because in four years he’ll fix it? And why would he address such a statement only to the Christians who follow him? Does that mean people of other faiths will still need to vote but Christians won’t? 

What’s wrong with our system that someone running for the highest office in the land would make such a statement? To one select group of people? Obviously he doesn’t respect our system of government that is in place. Obviously to him it’s not working right, maybe because he lost the last election? 

And don’t tell me the last election was rigged because we all know that just isn’t true. Think of the thousands and thousands of things that would have to happen to cause election fraud on such a massive scale. The thousands and thousands of dishonest people that would have to have been involved in order to pull off such a thing. And then keep silent about it.

It just didn’t happen.

Our last presidential election was fair and honest. One candidate won and the other lost. It’s how it works. That’s how the Constitution was written.

It doesn’t say if you don’t agree with the results you can claim it was rigged and start over. It provides for checks and balances and the means to dispute the results. And there were lawsuits upon lawsuits claiming election fraud. And none of them held up in court because there was no proof. 

And now saying you’ll only have to vote this one time and never again? What in the world is this empty, useless rhetoric that we’ll not have to ever vote again? Or that a select group of people will never have to vote again?

To me it says someone wants to take away our future right to vote. And that is not how this country was built. That is not how we operate. And it’s nonsensical, to say the least.

I proudly look forward to voting in this election as well as in many more. It’s important, and it’s my duty AND my privilege as an American citizen. 

Sorry, but I don’t want someone telling me I’ll never have to vote again as long as I vote this time. That to me is a clear violation of our Constitution, and a threat to every voter in this country who values our rights as American citizens.

So I say to you, vote in this election. One vote can make all the difference in the world when combined with thousands of other single votes. It all adds up. And together we can assure that our right to vote will continue for many more years to come.

The Times We Live In

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I’ve been taking a break from writing this summer as I enjoy the pool, time with the grandkids, learning pickleball with my husband, working on my jewelry and painting creations, and of course holding down a full time job that I am so fortunate to be able to do from my home. 

Wow, that was a long sentence.

I hadn’t planned on taking a hiatus, but it just sort of happened. Until now, that is.

Now, I feel compelled to write about what’s on my mind now, because if I don’t, who will say what I want to say in the way I feel it needs to be said?

I used to be a political person back many years ago. I thought it was fascinating. I liked the statesmanship. Watching our political leaders act like professionals in their chosen careers. Or so I thought.

I remember when these men and women spoke with dignity, addressing their colleagues and opponents alike with respect. They were role models. People we could be proud of.

What happened? And why?

The political climate today is anything but dignified, except for a select few individuals who still remember their manners and professionalism. But sadly most of those people are out of the picture now.

And they have been replaced by some of the most obnoxious, arrogant, and self serving individuals I’ve ever seen. Political clowns who take pride in spewing forth venom, putting their opponents down by name calling, lying, bullying, and spewing forth unproven innuendos and conspiracy theories to a public who’s heard it so much it’s become commonplace and acceptable.

Which it should never be. 

Many of them seem to do this because everybody else does, which doesn’t make it right. It’s not right to make fun of people, call them names, insult the differently abled in our society, or profess hate because of someone’s skin color, religious views, country of origin, age, or who they love or what gender they are. If they don’t agree with that person, then that person is evil and deserving of all the nastiness that can be thrown at them.

This isn’t right. It’s not who we are as Americans, or at least it didn’t use to be. It’s not who we should ever aspire to be.

We should be better than that. Some are. Many more are not.

 Like millions of Americans I watched and listened to the political news over the past two days. I was saddened to hear about President Biden’s decision to not seek re-election. I’m sure it was a very difficult decision for a man with his decades of service who loves his country and the American people, but it was his decision and we should respect the reasons he did it, which were not because he’s too old, or senile as many love to say (how derogatory is that!?), but that he determined it was time to pass the baton, and maybe, just maybe, he’d decided he’d had enough of this rat race and wanted to enjoy this time of his life in peace with his family, relaxing and writing his memoirs. 

Who can blame him in this nasty political climate in which we find ourselves?

Like many others, I have mixed emotions about his decision, because I truly believe he is a good man, a good president, and worthy of the country’s respect.

I am also appalled by the comments from the opposition to him. Awful comments ranging from saying “wait til Joe finds out he resigned”, or “now all the ballots the Democrats had already printed and filled in have the wrong name on them” or conspiracy theories saying he’s really already dead and they’re hiding it from us. And then there are the lawsuits being threatened by the other side to prevent him from making his decision, and saying that the party can’t make this decision and change their minds. Is that because they don’t want to run against the woman who’s poised to be the nominee?

And the name calling against the new potential nominee has already started. Almost as soon as Joe Biden made his announcement. And I am absolutely appalled at the statement made by one of the candidates calling Ms. Harris a childless angry cat lady who has never had a child. Obviously this person has no idea what he is talking about and especially has no right to question why or why a woman did not have children. As a woman who struggled with infertility for years and was finally able to have a child with the help of medical science, I find this unconscionable, especially realizing that I would have been called the same thing had my situation been different. It is not any of our business why a woman has or does not have children; it is not our business to judge a woman on that basis, and I will also add that she has stepchildren that she loves. That does not make her less of a person; we should never judge women on how many children they have or do not have, because it is no one’s business but her own.

As an American, I am so tired of it all. And personally, I will never vote for someone who is constantly doing nothing but name calling, accusing, bullying,  lying to us, and promoting conspiracy theories until we can’t even keep up with the latest one. Because it’s not the way we’re supposed to do things. 

I may be in the minority, but that’s my decision. And I hope others agree. Let’s bring some dignity back to our political system before we lose it entirely.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

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It’s been over 17 years now since I’ve heard your voice. Seen your smile. Held your hand.

Seventeen long years that I haven’t been able to talk to you and tell you about my life. Seventeen years that I haven’t been able to call you and ask for advice, or tell you exciting things about your granddaughter Ashley and her life.

I now have three wonderful beautiful grandchildren. But you probably know that, because I do believe that even from heaven you’re still watching us and keeping an eye on what’s going on.

Ashley’s a great mom to the little ones. And she’s fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom so she can be with them, like you did with me until Daddy died. I’m glad they all have that opportunity, and I believe it’s really good for them all.

I know you’d just love your great grandchildren just as much as we love them. There are days that I can picture you with them, playing dolls, or playing school (which was Ashley’s favorite to play with you), helping them color, reading to them….. And I can just picture your delight in having a great grandson to spoil as well. 

I know you’re happy where you are now, especially now that your beloved sister and best friend has joined you. I can imagine all of the family get togethers you’re enjoying, and I’m sure you’re still making your special cinnamon buns for everyone in heaven to enjoy.

It’s never been the same here without you. hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about you, and wish I could just hear your voice and see your face again. But one day I will.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I sure miss you, and will love you forever. 

Learning to Paint

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A few weeks ago I wrote a blog about my trying to learn to paint, something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.

Now, right now I need to re-write that sentence. I’m not TRYING to learn to paint. Because trying means I may just end up giving up, instead of learning. 

And that’s not my plan.

I’m learning. Not trying to learn.

I have a lot of books about painting, and I’ve been following them and experimenting with techniques and ideas. Probably not as much experimenting or practice as I should, because I’m just anxious to get started.

I’ve found lots of reference photos on line that I’ve downloaded for future use, and really working on my sketching. I’d say I’m not great at it, but that’s a negative thought. I’m learning more and actually getting better at it. I still erase a lot, which I know I shouldn’t, but when I’m ready to put my brush to paper, I want something to paint that I’ll enjoy.

My first attempt was, of course, a flamingo. I have several favorite pictures I want to try, but the one I chose was one with a crown of flowers on her head, using a picture on a set of outdoor coasters.

I was determined to end up with something art worthy, and actually it’s not that bad for a first attempt. The proportions aren’t entirely right, and I’m not totally pleased with her neck, but she’s not bad.

Here’s the progression of my first work. Amateurish, yes, but I’m learning! And I’m practicing. Better yet, I’m keeping at it, and though I don’t have time to do a little every day, I’m not giving up.

I even started a new piece of art yesterday, and I’m working on the final touches. It’s a step up from this one, and I’ll show that off when it’s done.

The main thing is, I’m following through and not giving up.

Is there something new you want to learn? But not sure how good you’ll be at it? There’s only one way to find out.

Get in there and start trying. Then keep up with it and work on your skills. In whatever we do, the more we practice, the more we work on those skills, the better we’ll become.

Giving up after a few tries because our skills aren’t immediately perfect isn’t the way to improve them. Practice, practice, and a bit more practice and then see what happens!

Thats what I’m doing.

Every Day Is….

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A fresh page of your own book with nothing written on it yet.

And it’s up to you to decide what is written on that next page. 

Some days you may want to stay on that page forever.

And some days you’re ready to turn the page to the next day and try again…before the day is even half over.

Sometimes you’re lucky enough to find someone who’ll help write those pages with you, even if it’s only for a short time.

Sometimes you find someone who’s ready to help you write those pages for a long time…maybe even write some of them for you as a surprise.

What was the page you wrote yesterday? You know it’s not going to be the same as yesterday. There are always differences, sometimes dramatic, and sometimes subtle.

Combine all of those pages…and what a book of your life you’ll end up with! 

Amazing characters…adventure after adventure…easy times, hard times.

And the best part? The story doesn’t end, because there’s always a new blank page the next day, ready to be filled!

What will you fill your page with today?

It’s Still Not About the Bunnies

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For the last several weeks, all I’ve seen are these cute little bunnies, colored eggs, decorative Easter baskets, tiered tray designs with marshmallow peeps and chocolate eggs, and all kinds of other decorative items. All my favorite craft stores are full of bunnies and baby chicks, colored plastic eggs, garland and all manner of craft ideas. Then there are the grocery stores and candy stores with all the chocolate bunnies and chocolate eggs and more marshmallow peeps, you know, that colorful nothing-but-sugar concoction that’s been around since we were kids! I didn’t like them, then, either.  But I do like those Cadbury eggs!

And you can even buy or make Easter ornaments and decorate your own Easter tree, sort of like a Christmas tree. Two years ago I decided to make styrofoam Easter trees with mini Easter eggs and decorative grass. They turned out great, and I even made two for our grandchildren.

Then there’s the Easter Bunny. Our granddaughters haven’t been real fond of having their pictures taken with him in the past, but this year was finally different. Both of the girls were all smiles when they saw him, and didn’t mind having their pictures taken with him. But the biggest surprise was that our 15 month old grandson wasn’t afraid of him at all! He didn’t cry when he saw him, and he even let the Easter Bunny hold him for pictures! Things are looking up!

Yes, it’s Easter. And EVERYONE associates bunnies with Easter, right? Along with the colored Easter eggs, of course. And those previously mentioned marshmallow peeps. In all the colors. And now there are now new flavors. Not in this household!

But, as I like to remind us all every year at this time…it’s not about the bunnies. Or the colored eggs. Or the Easter egg hunts.

From what I’ve been able to determine, the legend of the Easter Bunny bringing eggs seems to have been brought to our country by settlers from southwestern Germany in the 1800’s. Since that time the Easter Bunny has gradually become the commercially recognized symbol of Easter.

Folklore tells us the Easter Bunny brings baskets filled with colored eggs, candy, and sometimes even toys to children the night before Easter. Sometimes the baskets might be hidden, and the children have to go and find them. Most likely, that’s how the tradition of the Easter egg hunt began.

But it’s still not about the bunnies. And it’s certainly not about a politician trying to sell autographed Bibles with a copy of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, etc. added to it. That, my friends, is all about making money for the person that is selling them; nothing more!

To those of us who are believers, Easter is about one thing. Not the bunnies or the chocolate eggs. It’s about the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The very name of the holiday may have come from an ancient holiday depicting the rites of spring, or rebirth from the bleakness of winter, but to us, it represents much more than a rebirth of the world. Easter is a celebration of the eternal life we have waiting for us when we leave this earth. In fact, our belief in the resurrection is the very foundation of our faith.

John 11:25-26 “Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?”

While Jesus was conducting his ministry on earth, He told His disciples what would happen to Him in order to fulfill the ancient scriptures, but of course, they really didn’t believe Him, and even tried to prevent it. Until they saw the truth for themselves.

We have read about the agony of the crucifixion. We have seen it depicted in countless movies and plays, sometimes in such a gruesome manner we have to look away. But the real crucifixion was much more gruesome than can be portrayed in a movie or a play. And our Lord suffered the most horrific pain, so we will be eternally with Him in heaven, along with all of our friends and family who also believe.

What a wonderful, unselfish, beautiful story. As wonderful as the Christmas story is, the Easter message is so much better. Because in this story, death is defeated for all time. The baby that was born at Christmas has grown up, became a man who is the son of God himself, and gave His very life to save ours, and has now defeated death itself.

Just imagine…the loved ones we have lost we will see again, and be reunited with them. We will know them, and they will know us, and we will be together. We will be eternal beings along with the Lord. And what a glorious day that will be! And just think of all the catching up there will be; and all the family members we will meet that we never knew before.

Many of us have lost family members and friends over the past couple of years, as well as many years ago. And I admit there are still times that I think about those loved ones, and how wonderful it will be to one day be with them again. To enjoy the serenity and peace of that heavenly home with those that I love the most. Because the Lord has said it, and I believe it.

You may choose to believe, or not. That is your choice, But I do believe, and I know in my heart there is so much more to come that we cannot imagine, because of what happened during this Easter season. No, it’s not about the bunnies. Yes, they’re cute and cuddly. But the true Easter story isn’t cute and cuddly. It’s real, and it’s not pretty. But it’s also the greatest love story that ever took place.

Matters of the Heart, Part 37

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After three heart valve replacements. numerous ablations, catheterizations, and cardioversions, two pacemaker installations, and the insertion of a watchman device to prevent blood clots from forming in the heart…what’s one more pacemaker insertion?

Actually, it seems visits to his cardiologists are actually becoming routine visits, rather than worrisome appointments that tend to make us think something could really be wrong.

Fortunately Ben has two excellent cardiologists, and the one who was scheduled to do this pacemaker replacement has done several procedures on him. He’s an excellent physician and a really great person.

Such procedures are of course scheduled for early mornings, but fortunately we didn’t have to be at the hospital until 8 am, rather than the crack of dawn. That certainly made it easier, at least for me. As I’ve said before, I’m not an early morning person. 

And after he got registered and we arrived at the cath lab where the procedure would be done, the whole team was waiting for us, ready to get him prepared for surgery.

I must say this was one of the most pleasant pre-op surgery experiences we’ve had. The nurses and technicians were fun to be around, and made everything enjoyable. Well, as enjoyable as it could be when facing surgery.

Ben was his usual upbeat self, joking around with them when they asked if he needed anything. And of course he said “a mimosa”, which promptly started a barrage of jokes about what kind of mimosa would be most appropriate for heart surgery, and if everyone could join in with him!

A small glitch took place when one of the nurses was unable to get the IV line in his vein. I guess he’s had so many surgeries and IV’s, his veins have had enough.

After several unsuccessful attempts, they had to call in a specialist to use an ultrasound machine to guide the needle in. Ben asked if the guy was experienced with such things, and they told him not to worry. It was his first day in the job, but he’d be fine! 

Which of course wasn’t true (he was the leader of that team) but he played along with everyone, telling Ben he thought he could do it! We were all laughing by then, and as he started he asked if anyone had any good stories to tell so we wouldn’t get bored. Evidently some of the surgeons start out like that before the actual procedure begins, just to lighten the mood. It makes sense.

But the technician got the needle in the first try with the ultrasound machine, and Ben said he didn’t even feel it! Now if that had been me, I would’ve passed out! I don’t do needles well!

And of course there was the continued joking around about which pacemaker was going to be switched out, since he has two! We suggested they write it on his chest which one was to be changed. Which led to a story about a surgeon who used to draw a picture on the patient’s arm after surgery, and how the patients looked forward to seeing what he’d drawn when they woke up!

Unfortunately Ben’s doctor doesn’t do that. Because it would’ve been a great story. I thought how cool it would be for him to wake up with a drawing of a heart or a pacemaker on his arm, and tell him it was permanent. But no, that will have the wait til another surgery.

Time passed fairly quick, though, and soon the anesthesiologist came in to see him to discuss his role in the procedure, and Ben still continued his jokes about wanting a mimosa, which the anesthesiologist went along with as well.

We also talked about how great it would be if we didn’t have to go through this to take care of the battery, and wondered why someone hadn’t invented a way to simply charge the battery by placing some sort of charging device on his chest on top of the pacemaker, sort of like charging a cell phone. 

Good concept, and most likely one day that will actually happen. Who knows?

Soon it was time to take him back, so Ashley and I told him goodbye and went to the waiting area until everything was over.

I still had no worries or concerns this time, unlike during some of the previous such operations. I guess we’ve gone through so many, by now they all begin to feel routine, even though they really aren’t.

It wasn’t long before his doctor came out to let us know it was all done; the pacemaker replacement went smoothly, and we could see him shortly. He’d be able to go back home after about an hour.

Which he did. And now, a few days later, the only evidence of the procedure is a bandage over the incision which stays on for two weeks, and the limitation not to raise his right arm over his head for two weeks, or lift anything heavier than ten pounds.

Other than that, he’s back to normal activities, and even enjoying his two birthday celebrations, and telling people his most expensive birthday gift was a brand new pacemaker! And it actually was, since this took place three days before his birthday.

And in another two weeks he should be off restrictions and able to start practicing his new hobby of pickleball! He’s excited!

So right now, life is good. His pacemaker is doing what it should, his new heart valve is functioning perfectly, and his watchman which is designed to stop blood clots, is also working well. His blood sugar finally seems to be regulated, his oxygen levels are staying where they should be, and his glaucoma still seems to be under control. 

More to follow when necessary. But for now, everything is going well! And we are looking for it to stay that way!

Matters of the Heart, Part 36

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As I write this we are only a few days from another heart procedure for Ben. 

Last November we discovered there were only a few months of battery life on his pacemaker. You know, the device that’s keeping him alive.

And now on Thursday morning he will be undergoing a surgical procedure to remove one of his existing pacemakers and replace it with a brand new, and most likely updated, pacemaker with a brand new battery. His other one is non-functioning, but unable to be removed because of the way it was implanted ( and not by his current doctor).

The last time we went through this was around 5 years ago. We’d hoped the battery would last around 7 years or so, but obviously the pacemaker has been working a bit harder than we’d thought, so as of right now there’s probably only about a months’ worth of battery life on this existing one.

Therefore, the need for surgery to replace it just three days before his birthday. What a birthday present he’s getting!

I must say it’s a bit unnerving to think about how the device that’s keeping him alive is slowly losing its battery life. We all are used to seeing how quickly the battery life of our cell phones seems to go down, and we panic when we hit that 10% mark, because we just can’t live without our phones!

I would say that analogy has a different meaning when we think about a pacemaker implanted in the body of ourself or a loved one. There’s no way to hook that device up to a charger at night and receive a full or even half charge by morning.

Who knows, though? Maybe technology over the years will improve to the point that can actually be done.  

However, for now, we’re still waiting for Thursday, and another heart surgery, although this one promises to be a short outpatient procedure which should have him back home by noon.

So we continue our daily life until then.  And prayerfully, Thursday will just be another routine doctor appointment, only one that lasts a little longer than normal, and has the patient sleeping through most of it! 

Stay tuned! We’ll let you know!

If I See a Picture in my Mind…

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Why can’t I draw/paint it? After all, it’s there in front of my eyes. I can see it. Clearly.

So what’s keeping me from taking a pen or pencil and sketching it on a piece of paper? What’s keeping my from painting it in the beautiful colors I see in my mind’s eye?

If it’s there where I can see it, why can’t I capture it so others can see it?

What’s stopping me? Actually it’s the fear that I can’t do it. My fear that it won’t be perfect. That it won’t look right. That it won’t be like what I see in my mind, because I keep telling myself I can’t do it.

What? Because I want it to be perfect as soon as I start. And that just isn’t going to happen. Because each of us has to start at the beginning of something…practice…keep at it; until we get to a point where we can say we’re pleased with what we created.

Like most of us, I don’t want to start out at the beginning and make mistake after mistake until I get it right. I want to be able to do it perfectly the first time.

And how many of us can say that we did that?  I daresay not many.

I know how to sew. I used to make most of my clothes a very long time ago. But I didn’t start out making tailored suits and such; I started out with aprons and simple skirts before I learned how to do the more complicated things.

I play the piano. Not a lot any more, although I’m starting to get back into it. When I first began, I could only play a few scales. I took weekly lessons and to practice daily. I had to learn how to read music, work at it, and that took time, and patience. I actually was very good at one time, and will be again, as long as I take the time to work at it again.

So why am I so frustrated when I try to do something else creative and I don’t do it right the first time? 

Most likely because the older I get, the less patience I have. I want to do it NOW, and not take the time to learn how to really make the most of the talents I have. I think I can draw and paint, but like the new music student I used to be, I couldn’t sit down that first day and play an entire song. I had to take my time and learn. And it didn’t happen overnight.

And now, although I have the desire, I finally realize I can’t just sit down and create a beautiful work of art without putting in the time it takes to learn how to do it. 

So what do you think? Is there something you want to do but don’t think you can? Try it. The only thing stopping you is yourself. 

Now I know I wrote about this last year, and I still haven’t really started my project. At least not like I wanted to. But I did try it, and finally finished my first piece. And yes, it’s a flamingo. And like my usual perfectionist self, I’m not totally happy with it.

But the thing is…I actually did it! It’s not great, but not what I thought it would be.

But it’s a start.

So now I’m going to stop beating myself up and resolve to learn to draw and paint the right way. I bought a couple of books, and THIS time I’m going to actually do all the exercises in them and practice my skills before I try another painting.

At least that’s my plan.  I may not ever sell a painting, but if I practice, and try it, and work at it, at least maybe I’ll create something frame worthy. For myself, if no one else.

And that’s what counts. So here I go….

Next time I write about my painting, I’m going to include a few pictures.

And hopefully in a few weeks!

Reflections on Another Generation

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We recently attended the celebration of life service for my almost 98 year old aunt. She was the youngest sibling of my mom and her sisters and brothers, born almost 14 years after my mother, who left this life 17 years ago.

Back in “those days”, in the 1920’s,  having a baby that late in life was embarrassing and almost unheard of. My mom was told her baby sister was found in the cabbage space, and my mom, who was about 13 at the time, went out to the fields and looked to see if she could find another baby. 

My aunt was born in the 1920’s. Her parents, my grandparents, didn’t even have electricity at the time, although they got it a few years later. They did have indoor plumbing, but still had an outhouse that we grandchildren who were born in the 50’s, did use on occasion.

My grandparents had a phone. They were one of the first families in the area who did. It was in the wall, and when it rang, the family members had to figure out whether it was for them, or other families because there were party lines and several families were on the same line, but had different rings for each family. There were actual operators who helped the families answer or place their calls. 

My grandfather was a farmer, working some 200+ acres of farmland with a mule and a plow. He raised chickens, cows, and pigs, along with his crops of potatoes, corn, and soybeans.

My grandparents actually had two kitchens in their house. They were back to back. One with a sink and a wood stove, and one with a sink, refrigerator, and a gas stove. They thought they had one of the most modern homes in the area. And most likely they did.

This was the era my mom and aunts and uncles grew up in. I’d never really thought about it until one of my cousins’ spoke about it in my aunt’s eulogy.

Just think of all the things she and her sisters and brothers had to adjust to from the years they grew up in until they passed from this life.

And think about all of the things we’ve seen change during our years of life so far.

From the ascent of television, to 8 tracks and CD’s, to computers and cell phones, and all types of changes involving all manner of connectivity. 

My aunt who passed away at 97 a few weeks ago never really totally understood how to use her cell phone, and still relied on her old rotary dial phone in her kitchen. Neither she nor my mother ever used a computer. 

None of my aunts and uncles, my mom and her four siblings, had ever been on a plane. They all learned to drive on stick shift cars with the gearshift on the steering column. My cousins and our spouses know how to do that, but our kids, they have no idea.

The lives of my father, who died over 60 years ago, and my aunt’s husband, who died almost 40 years ago, could possibly have been saved if the medical advances of today had been around back then.

These are just some of the things we’ve thought about over the last weeks with the passing of our aunt, the last of the Lang family siblings.

It’s been a time of reflection as well as a time of grieving and celebration of a long life well lived.

It also sets in motion a time of reflection of our lives to date, as well as a time of contemplation of the years we have left. Longevity runs in my family, and I am hoping for another 15-20 years, hopefully with good health. Although, my aunts and uncles developed severe Alzheimer’s and dementia in their later years, and my mom was just in the beginning stages of dementia when we lost her.

But no matter what the circumstances, at some point we will all enter into those late years, and we have no idea what they will bring. Our generation is entering a new time, and no matter how young or old we feel, all we need to do is look at the reality of our actual ages to make us realize that we are now looking ahead and seeing a much shorter road ahead of us than in back of us.

The changes we’ve seen in the world are numerous; too many to really count. 

And for those of you who are much younger than I am, you really can’t even begin to imagine the changes you’ll see.

Gives you a new perspective on life, doesn’t it?

Do IT Afraid

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“Fear is a funny thing. We need it to keep us safe. If there is something real that is threatening our life, we need to be afraid so that we can adjust accordingly to protect ourselves. The problem isn’t being afraid. It’s letting fear get out of hand and control our lives when there is only something we perceive as frightening. Sometimes that means we end up being afraid of nothing more than a paper tiger”

I read this recently in Captiva Memories” by Anne Cabot and it made me think.  How many things have we decided not to do because we were afraid?

And how many times have we regretted it? Wondered what would’ve happened if we’d taken that chance?

But we didn’t because we were afraid. We didn’t believe in ourselves, even though everyone else did. So we didn’t  take the chance, because that paper tiger growled too loud, and that mouthful of sharp teeth scared us away.

But someone else wasn’t intimidated by that same paper tiger, and took the chance. And they were very successful. 

You’re offered a great opportunity to buy a business that’s already successful. You know it’s a great deal and you’re seriously considering it. But all of a sudden that paper tiger runs up to you, growls, and tries to swat you with that big paw!

And again you’re too scared to take the chance.

But then you come across another opportunity, and instead of waiting for that paper tiger to appear, you sign on the dotted line, and go for it! You’re still afraid, but this time there’s no turning back. The paper tiger slinks into the room, but this time you swat it away, and discover it really is made of paper after all. And it can’t hurt you.

You were afraid for no reason! You had it in you all the time. You just didn’t realize it.

And suddenly, you aren’t afraid of that paper tiger any more, because you discovered those claws couldn’t scratch and those teeth couldn’t bite. You were too busy letting your fear get the best of you instead of believing in yourself. This time you did it afraid. 

And you succeeded.