Tag Archives: Valentines Day

You Can’t Analyze Love

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It just happens.

Sometimes when you least expect it.

Sometimes it develops over time. It can also fade over time if it isn’t well cared for.

Sometimes it’s not reciprocated.

Sometimes we think it’s love when it’s not.

Sometimes we try to make love happen when it’s not supposed to.

Sometimes we want it to be love so much that we make more of it than it actually is. We imagine it is, and then discover it was all in our imagination.

Sometimes we look back and rethink everything that happened in the relationship to determine what went wrong, what we could have done differently, and what we could have done to prevent everything from falling apart. And we blame ourselves every time.

And that’s analyzing it. Which you just can’t do. Because you’ll never come up with an answer that will change a thing.

As I said in the beginning, love just happens. When it’s time.

And if you don’t have a special someone for Valentine’s Day, it’s not your time yet.

But it will be…when it’s time.

Stupid Cupid

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Those of us of a certain age remember that song by Connie Francis, released back in 1959.

All I really remembered about the song were the chorus lyrics “Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me!”

Now this is a song about teenage love, of course. A lovesick girl carrying her boyfriend’s books to school and who can’t concentrate on her homework because she’s thinking about the guy and blames it on Cupid?! And she wants to clip his wings so he can’t fly?

Ok, this was the fifties/sixties. And it was a really long time ago. Songs like this made sense back then.

But let me ask you. How often have you actually wanted to say “Cupid you’re really stupid! Why’d you do that?!” Or change it around to say “Cupid is Stupid!”

What’d he do this time? Surely this little curly haired cherub who flies around this time of year wearing a diaper and shooting heart-shaped arrows at people wouldn’t do anything wrong!

At this time of year, if you’re one of those people without a significant other in your life, you really don’t want to hear about Cupid. You don’t want to be reminded how that obnoxious little pudgy cherub is missing you with his arrows again. 

There were a lot of years I felt like that. Every time I saw a picture of that pink faced little guy with his arrows I wanted to scream. Every time I walked into a store with all the Valentine merchandise I wanted to run. I really didn’t want to be at the office that day either because I had no one to send me flowers or balloons. It really was an uncomfortable day.

Things have changed over the years, but I still remember those feelings. I felt left out, because it was only me, and no boyfriend or husband.

So I get it. And I have a suggestion.

This year, let’s show Cupid how it feels to be left out of the fun. No, we’re not going to hurt him, but we’re going to show him that not being included in the celebration isn’t exactly a good time.

This year we’re going to take those heart shaped arrows away from him. He’s going to have to actually go out and meet people, talk to people. And try to get a woman interested in HIM, without any help. And he’s certainly not going to be dressed up like himself (after all, if you were a woman and a guy came up to you dressed in a diaper carrying a bow and arrow, well, I don’t think the results would be too good!). He’ll have to wear regular clothes, and come up with a story about who he is, where he’s from, what he does, etc.

Keep in mind Cupid is shy. He only works about a few weeks or so every year, and doesn’t really understand what real people are like, how they feel, etc. So chances are he’s going to feel a bit uncomfortable trying to accomplish this. I can sort of imagine this whole thing as a Will Ferrell movie. How about you?

I’m sure Cupid won’t like being in this role. Not at all. But it will teach him that trying to play with people’s hearts, their emotions, isn’t cute. It isn’t fun. And it can hurt when you’re on the outside looking in. 

Of course, if it were a movie, it would either end up with Cupid actually finding the right woman for him, or better yet, waking up and realizing he’d been dreaming it all, and promising himself that next year, things would be different! How, I don’t know yet. What do you think? How would you end it?

Now this may not have solved your problems with Cupid for this Valentine’s Day, but isn’t it nice to just think about it in a lighthearted way for once? And maybe poke a little fun at it all?

So go out and buy yourself some flowers, or balloons, or even a big box of candy. And write a card to yourself telling you how wonderful you are. 

Because you are wonderful, and special, and one day you will find what you’re looking for.

It’s February 14

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What does that mean to you?

Notice I didn’t call it Valentine’s Day. 

Or Galentine’s Day. 

Or Single Awareness Day. 

Or International Quirkyalone Day (Yes, that’s real. I saw it online. It’s been around since 2003 and is for singles and those in platonic relationships.)

Or Let’s Make This Day Go Away Day.

Tell Someone You Love Them and Forget Them the Rest of the Year Day.

Pretend You’re Still in Love Day

Try to Impress Her Because You Really Screwed Up Day. 

A lot of people “celebrate” it that way, you know. As our daughter says, why the big fuss over Valentine’s Day? If you love someone you should tell them all the time. Not just one day a year. She’s always felt that way, even after being married for almost seven years with two kids. 

She does have a point, you know. We should tell those we love how we feel a lot more often than we do.

Of course, she makes sure her daughters have Valentine gifts, and helps them make cards for their friends and grandparents (us), and buys them valentine themed shirts for pictures. One year she even had a valentine photo shoot with them.

Don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy Valentine’s Day. My husband and I exchange cards, sometimes balloons or flowers, and go out for a great dinner. 

I’ve even started decorating a few areas in our house for Valentine’s Day; our kitchen table has a Valentine centerpiece collection, our foyer table has a few little valentine nuggets, and since I still work remotely, my home office has Valentine gnomes spread around. (I really don’t like gnomes but these are cute!) It’s fun and gives a bit of color and whimsy that’s so needed after all the glittery Christmas decor is put away.

A lot of women authors are beginning to recognize that Valentine’s Day is also a holiday that needs to be explored a bit more. I recently read a novel called “The Holiday Plan” by Emma Lynden about a woman who totally wanted to avoid Valentine’s Day and everything involved with it. She wanted to avoid it so much she booked a weeks’ vacation during Valentine’s week at a resort away from everyone. Except unbeknownst to her, there was a huge week-long event there for singles in honor of, you guessed it, Valentine’s Day. It’s a great read, and I highly recommend it. Whether you’re in a relationship or not.

The thing is, no matter how you feel about it, how you celebrate it, or not, it’s a day that’s here to stay. 

So if you’re not in a relationship spend the time with other friends in the same situation. Send each other flowers. Go out to dinner together, or arrange a private dinner at someone’s home. Or maybe even do a “chick flick” movie night/pajama party.

And if nothing else, just remember all that leftover valentine chocolate will be half price on February 15!

How Did Valentine’s Day Become a Thing? Part Two

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Yesterday I started writing about what I’d found on line about how Valentine’s Day started and became what it is today. If you haven’t read it yet, I’d actually suggest that you do before you continue.

From what I discovered, it certainly didn’t start out in a very romantic way. Not when people were being imprisoned and beheaded.

So let me continue the story.

I had mentioned Chaucer writing that poem “Parliament of Fowls” for King Richard II, which evidently caused romantic ideas to become more popular. And no, I haven’t read it. Chaucer and other writers of the time celebrated romance between knights and their ladies, many of noble lineage, who could never marry. (Which was usually because the lady was already married, but that’s a whole other subject.) And by the 1400’s these nobles had begun writing poems known as “valentines” to the ladies who were the subject of their attention.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had a guy write me a poem, and based on some of the writing I’ve seen from that era, I don’t think I’d want one. But that was a different time. Plus, since the literacy rate wasn’t real high then, could the subjects of their attentions even read them? And did those knights actually write them themselves or pay someone to do it for them? Food for another blog.

But the holiday slowly developed and evolved, with traditions that are still around today.

Exchanging cards didn’t become popular until the 1840’s when the first mass produced cards were made in the U.S.  Now, did you know that these first cards were sold by Esther A. Howland, known as the “Mother of the American Valentine”? She is evidently credited with commercializing Valentine’s Day cards here in the U.S. Although I’ve never heard of her, and probably you haven’t either, my source says she is remembered for her elaborate, crafty cards made with real lace, ribbons, and colorful pictures she called “scrap.” So, Hallmark, you have Ms. Esther to thank for a lot of your success! According to the last figures I saw, 145 million valentine cards are exchanged every year, not counting the homemade ones.

Which brings us to Cupid. I’d always wondered about that little guy and how he came to be associated with Valentine’s Day. After all, who goes around nearly naked with a bow and arrow shooting people, and that’s supposed to be a symbol of love?

Well, Cupid actually evolved from the Greek god of love named Eros, who was said to be a handsome immortal man with the power to make people fall in love, although I’m not sure it involved a bow and arrow. Sometime in the 4th century BC the Romans adopted Eros into their mythology, re-named him Cupid, and made him into the image of what we know today. And because he was originally known as the god of love, it sort of figured he’d become associated with Valentine’s Day, even though that didn’t happen until around the 19th century.

What about red roses? Giving flowers didn’t become a popular custom until the 17th century, It’s said that King Charles II of Sweden learned about flowers being paired with specific meanings on a trip to Persia, and when he returned home to England he introduced the tradition to Europe, and the act of giving flowers on special days, including Valentine’s Day became popular. And of course, red roses with their rich deep color, were sent to symbolize a deep love for the recipient.

Then there’s chocolate. Everyone I know loves it, and it’s especially important for Valentine’s Day. But did you know the first heart-shaped box of chocolates was created by Richard Cadbury who was the son of Cadbury founder John Cadbury. How did he come up with the idea? To increase sales, of course. The first heart shaped box of chocolates was introduced for Valentine’s Day in 1861, and today more than 36 million heart-shaped boxes of chocolate are sold each year.

Guys, are you paying attention here?

Now one more important item to discuss; those cute colorful little valentine conversation hearts. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t either received them or given them for Valentine’s Day. But do you know their history? It’s not really romantic.

It all started when Boston pharmacist Oliver Chase invented a machine that simplified the way throat lozenges were made, which also resulted in America’s first candy-making machine when Chase decided to shift his focus to making candy instead of the lozenges. He founded the New England Confectionary Company, today known as Necco. Sound familiar? And in 1866 the first messages were printed on Necco sweetheart candies. Although those were bigger than the version we have today it sure started a trend, didn’t it?

And one of the first messages? “Married in white you have chosen right.” Well, it was 1866.

So now you have all the information you’ve possibly wondered about Valentine’s Day.

But you can also research all of this yourself as well, and if you find anything different, it’s most likely because you’re looking at a different website. Let us know if you find something else.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

How Did Valentine’s Day Become a Thing? Part One

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I’ve always sort of wondered about that, so this year I decided to do a little research on it. Nothing in depth, though, but I was able to find a lot of information on line.

The problem? A lot of seemingly conflicting articles that may or may not be that accurate. Or that romantic, for sure.

Now I’ve heard of St. Valentine, but really didn’t know much about him. I figured he probably was someone who spent his life bringing couples together, marrying them in romantic settings for a happily ever after. As a writer, I was hoping for a truly “A-hah!” moment that would tell the perfect story.

Well, I was wrong. Sort of. And I also discovered several different sites (Good Housekeeping, Wikipedia,  and History.com) that told different stories, so I’m going to try and condense what I came up with, but please don’t take my word for it. Do your own research. This is a blog, after all, not a history book! And I did at least name my sources,

Here’s some of what I found out.

There were actually three Saint Valentines, but the one seemingly associated with our V-Day was a 3rd century Roman priest and physician who secretly married young couples against the orders of the authorities. (Of course the marriages were illegal in the eyes of the state.) The reason? The authorities were afraid married soldiers would be distracted from their duties if they had a wife and family. He was caught and imprisoned, and eventually beheaded on, you guessed it, February 14. 

There’s also a story about another Saint Valentine during that same time period who was the Bishop of Terni. He also was said to have performed secret marriages and eventually beheaded. Then there’s possibly another Valentine who was imprisoned supposedly for attempting to help Christians escape Roman prisons where they were beaten and tortured. This Valentine was also imprisoned and supposedly sent the first valentine greeting to a young girl he’d fallen in love with (supposedly the jailer’s daughter) and signed it “from your Valentine”.

History.com says there isn’t necessarily a lot of proof to substantiate which story is true. Evidently Valentine was a popular name during those times. Real person? Three real persons? Or a myth? Your guess is as good as mine! Either way, it’s not very romantic, at least in today’s standards.

Evidently several centuries later the idea of putting romance into the St. Valentine’s feast day evolved through the writings of the English author Geoffrey Chaucer, who write a poem called “Parliament of Fowls” which contained the line “For this was on St. Valentine’s Day, when every bird comes there to choose his mate.” Wow, romantic sayings were sure different then! I’m not sure what that means or even has to do with love, but it was believed back then that lovebirds began mating on that day, so I guess that’s one reason. (And that’s also why we use the term “lovebirds”)

Chaucer’s poem was supposedly written to celebrate King Richard II’s engagement to Anne of Bohemia on that date. She was 16 and his second wife. It’s unclear if it was originally a love match because in those days, traditionally royal marriages were arranged for strategic purposes.

So far I’m not seeing a real romantic story here…at least nothing I’d use to suggest flowers, romantic dinners, and boxes of chocolates!

But I did find a few more less-gory tidbits in my research, that I think you’ll find interesting.

This somewhat fractured Valentine’s Day history continues tomorrow, including some interesting facts about the cards and candy we traditionally see at this time of year, with Part Two of “How Did Valentine’s Day Become a Thing?”