Every Day Is….

A fresh page of your own book with nothing written on it yet.

And it’s up to you to decide what is written on that next page. 

Some days you may want to stay on that page forever.

And some days you’re ready to turn the page to the next day and try again…before the day is even half over.

Sometimes you’re lucky enough to find someone who’ll help write those pages with you, even if it’s only for a short time.

Sometimes you find someone who’s ready to help you write those pages for a long time…maybe even write some of them for you as a surprise.

What was the page you wrote yesterday? You know it’s not going to be the same as yesterday. There are always differences, sometimes dramatic, and sometimes subtle.

Combine all of those pages…and what a book of your life you’ll end up with! 

Amazing characters…adventure after adventure…easy times, hard times.

And the best part? The story doesn’t end, because there’s always a new blank page the next day, ready to be filled!

What will you fill your page with today?

Do IT Afraid

“Fear is a funny thing. We need it to keep us safe. If there is something real that is threatening our life, we need to be afraid so that we can adjust accordingly to protect ourselves. The problem isn’t being afraid. It’s letting fear get out of hand and control our lives when there is only something we perceive as frightening. Sometimes that means we end up being afraid of nothing more than a paper tiger”

I read this recently in Captiva Memories” by Anne Cabot and it made me think.  How many things have we decided not to do because we were afraid?

And how many times have we regretted it? Wondered what would’ve happened if we’d taken that chance?

But we didn’t because we were afraid. We didn’t believe in ourselves, even though everyone else did. So we didn’t  take the chance, because that paper tiger growled too loud, and that mouthful of sharp teeth scared us away.

But someone else wasn’t intimidated by that same paper tiger, and took the chance. And they were very successful. 

You’re offered a great opportunity to buy a business that’s already successful. You know it’s a great deal and you’re seriously considering it. But all of a sudden that paper tiger runs up to you, growls, and tries to swat you with that big paw!

And again you’re too scared to take the chance.

But then you come across another opportunity, and instead of waiting for that paper tiger to appear, you sign on the dotted line, and go for it! You’re still afraid, but this time there’s no turning back. The paper tiger slinks into the room, but this time you swat it away, and discover it really is made of paper after all. And it can’t hurt you.

You were afraid for no reason! You had it in you all the time. You just didn’t realize it.

And suddenly, you aren’t afraid of that paper tiger any more, because you discovered those claws couldn’t scratch and those teeth couldn’t bite. You were too busy letting your fear get the best of you instead of believing in yourself. This time you did it afraid. 

And you succeeded.

When Opportunity Knocks

You don’t leave it standing on the doorstep. You invite it in and feed it chocolate cake.

I read that in a book recently by Carolyn Brown, and it really made me smile. Such a great southern way to make a statement. But it sure makes sense.

Think about it. I picture a well dressed man, most likely in his early 40’s, holding a briefcase and knocking on a front door while standing on the porch, with blue hydrangeas in full bloom in the background.

He carefully taps on the brass door knocker as he’s smiling, waiting for the door to open, ready to present an unexpected opportunity to one of the unsuspecting people inside.

He’s invited in, and presents the opportunity while sitting at the table in a sunny kitchen, with a cup of coffee and a slice of fresh baked chocolate cake.

Personally, I would have offered wine and a fruit and cheese board, but that’s just me.

Now of course we’re not really talking about a literal chocolate cake, or cheese board, but it makes a great visual.

The point is, when an opportunity comes your way, don’t immediately dismiss it. Don’t form an instant negative opinion because it’s not exactly what you had in mind.

Don’t think of all the reasons you shouldn’t take a chance, or sometimes even think seriously about that opportunity.

So it isn’t exactly what you thought you’d like to do, or where you’d like to live.

It may even seem like it’s a step backward, although there’s a real potential to advance a lot farther than you are now. And probably quicker than it took you in your current situation.

So what do you do? Ignore it totally? Agree to think about it? Talk it over with a few others? Or jump in and decide to take a chance?

And maybe have another piece of chocolate cake?

Or maybe that cheese board with a glass of wine!

Don’t be afraid to take a chance. And don’t take too long to decide. It may not come again.

Or opportunity may go somewhere else where he/she’s wanted and open to taking a chance. And they’ll be the ones enjoying that chocolate cake, and maybe even the wine and cheese board!

If You Can’t Push Through Your Wall of Problems

Climb over them. Tunnel under them. Or go around them.  There’s more than one way to get to your goal.

If you don’t try to push through that wall of problems, you’re never going to be able to solve them. 

And if you don’t solve them, you’re going to be stuck behind a wall that does nothing but get bigger and thicker and taller. 

What’s stopping you?

Fear? Lack of self confidence? No motivation? Not wanting to step out of your comfort zone?

Those aren’t good reasons. They’re excuses. And excuses get you nowhere.

If that’s where you want to be, then you’ll be stuck behind that wall of problems for the rest of your life.

And you’ll always wonder what you’re doing wrong.

How Do You See the Glass in 2024?

Half empty?

Half full?

Or maybe it’s leaking and there’s no plug to stop it.

That’s a decision you need to make. Now. The new year is only a few days old, but already you’re complaining that it’s just a repeat of last year.

The same problems, the same situations that you were stuck in last year. It’s a new year and you’re still miserable. What’s the point?

So the glass is half empty? Or is it leaking like a sieve and you can’t find anything to plug the hole?

Are you going to waste this entire new year ahead of you concentrating on everything that’s still wrong in your life? Complaining, feeling depressed, and concentrating on everything that you think is wrong in your life instead of looking at what’s good in your life, and finalizing and working those plans to change what’s still wrong?

If you continue to see the glass as half empty, it’s only going to start draining down further, and eventually it’ll be empty all the way.

Then what do you do?

Sitting around and looking at things negatively isn’t going to make that glass fill up; it’s not going to plug the hole that allows what’s still inside to pour out and become wasted.

“But you don’t understand how I feel. You have a good job/a nice home/a boyfriend or girlfriend/husband or wife/you’re not in pain all the time and facing surgery/your kids aren’t in big trouble/you’re not down to your last few dollars and can’t pay your bills/you’re not stressed about your job/you’re not so busy you have no time for what you want to do….”

Sound familiar? Guess what? You have no idea what that other person is going through. Because you’re concentrating on how miserable your life is and comparing it to everyone else’s life when you have no idea what they’re going through.

They may be fine on the outside, but inside they may be going through just as many struggles, or more, than you. They just don’t share them and complain about them.

They look at things differently. They see the glass half full rather than almost empty. Sure, they want it fuller than it is, but they know things will improve. They’re working toward that goal by thinking positive, and doing things to reach that goal.

They know the glass is only half full right now, but they also know it’s eventually going to get more in it.

They’re out there working to make things happen. Sure, it’s not always easy, and there will certainly be setbacks, maybe even failures along the way. The glass will get a little fuller, but then it’ll drain out a bit. Again.

It’s never going to be completely full, because life isn’t always perfect. And if that’s what you’re looking for, your glass won’t even be half full; it’ll be almost empty.

There’s no quick, magic solution to fix your problems, and to make that glass fuller. When you turn on the faucet to fill your glass, it doesn’t instantly fill. It depends on how fast the water runs, and if you allow some to splash out because it’s running too fast.

Being miserable and telling yourself no matter what you do it’s not going to work becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You’ll stay miserable and unhappy and your glass will keep draining until there really is nothing left inside.

But doing something to make the situation better, and doing it daily, will eventually result in the glass becoming fuller. You may not notice it at first, but all if a sudden you’ll see it differently and realize, it is fuller…and by more than half.

How do I know? I’ve been there. I compared my life to everyone else’s and thought mine would never be better. And until I started to see the glass as half full instead of half empty, I didn’t think things could ever be better.

My life isn’t perfect; no one’s is. At least no one I know. But my glass is a lot more than half full. And I work on it every day because I don’t ever want to see it half empty, or worse, almost empty, ever again.

Keep that in perspective. Write down the good things in your life. Not just the big things, but the little ones, too. Then do the same with the things you need to change. And then…write down how you’re going to change them for the better. And don’t stop until you have at least one idea on how to change each bad thing to better.

It’s all up to you, you know. It’s your glass you’re seeing. And you’re the only one who can change how you see it.

There’s a whole lot of new year left. Start filling that glass!

In a World Where You Can Be Anything

Sometimes the hardest thing to be is yourself.  

Yes, I did write about this earlier, but I think this topic deserves a bit more investigation.

You certainly start out your life with hopes and dreams of what you want to do. What you want to be.

But sometimes we don’t always have the talent or the skills to be exactly what we want to be.

For instance, I could never be a singer. I love listening to country music and I admire so many of the new female artists out there. But I couldn’t do it. Because my voice isn’t their voice. Even with training, I couldn’t begin to sing like they do. But I can appreciate that art and enjoy the music. And sing their songs to myself as I work or relax.

An early dream for me was to maybe become a doctor. But that took a lot of education, and I didn’t have that motivation. Plus, the thought of drawing blood didn’t really appeal to me either.

A teacher? Like my mom? A lot of my classmates decided on that, and they were excellent at it. The found their true calling. I thought about it, and even tried it out two days in a classroom filling in for one of my mother’s friends. After that, I knew there was no way I had the patience for that either.

I actually had no idea what I wanted to do, which is why I majored in business. I figured it would give me a good background to get a job doing something.

And it did. I worked in radio and television for a short time and then found my calling as a marketing manager for a shopping mall. One thing led to another as I learned about shopping center management, and then on to a career in commercial real estate, which I’m continuing in today.

But fortunately I’m still the same person I was many years ago. I still love to read, to do craft projects, and obviously there’s writing. I just haven’t quite decided where I want to take that yet. But I have time.

Are there things I regret not doing? Of course.

Things I still want to do? Still want to try? Absolutely.

But one thing I’ve learned is that no matter what new adventure I try, what new craft or skill I put my hands to, I’m always going to be myself.

And that’s what and who I am and really want to be.

What Have You Always Wanted to Do?

Or you tried it once or twice and weren’t pleased with the results so you never tried it again?

When I was growing up, I liked to try my hand at making things, just like all kids do. Since my mother was a very talented seamstress, I guess I took after her and learned to sew. I actually was pretty good at it, and in my early teens I was actually making a lot of my own clothes. I even won a few awards for my skills.

But that desire to sew faded when I went to college, partly because I couldn’t take my sewing machine with me, and partly because it wasn’t the “cool” thing to do.

After college, and when I joined the working world, I didn’t have a lot of time for such hobbies. But as my mom started picking up new interests along with sewing, I tried my hand at crocheting and then needlepoint and hooking rugs and pillows. That was fun for awhile, but I just wanted to create more unique items. You know, my own designs rather than just buying a kit and following directions. So gradually I gave that up.

Then I discovered cake decorating. That looked like lots of fun, but there was one problem. Unfortunately I had no talent for even frosting a cake, or even cupcakes, let alone all the fancy flowers and designs the really talented bakers came up with. All I could do was look at pictures and just imagine all the work it took to do that, and realized it just wasn’t for me. Plus I really wouldn’t want to destroy my creation by eating it. That ended that endeavor before I even started it.

Cookie decorating maybe, because I do love to bake cookies? But the talent for decorating ended with applying sprinkles, because cookie decorating with icing required some talent for drawing, and well, it just wasn’t me. I’ll buy them from a bake shop.

I’ve always wanted to be able to draw and paint, but I never really seemed to have much talent for it. Sure, I did a few watercolors after starting the design by laboriously staring at other pictures and trying to make the flowers look like that picture, but I was never really happy with the results.

But now, after several years, I’ve decided to try again. I’ve read a lot about other newbie artists who thought they had no talent but tried anyway, and after realizing that their work didn’t have to be perfect, didn’t have to be a masterpiece, and didn’t have to be something they could sell to others, and didn’t have to look like what they were copying it from, they actually started enjoying it. It was what THEY created to make them happy. They weren’t out to please anyone but themselves.

So I figure, if I can make jewelry and be happy with the results, even when some of the knots show in my stretch bracelets, and the closures in my necklaces aren’t always perfect, why should I be so critical of something I draw or paint? It’s for me. It’s my style. If I like it that’s what counts.

I’ve always wanted to do it, so there’s no time like the present to try. I have my supplies, a few books about beginner techniques, and I’ve even sketched my first project. And yes, it’s a flamingo! I’ll let you know how it turns out.

What have you always wanted to do? There’s no time like right now to step out of your comfort zone and try it. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder if you really could. So stop wondering and start trying. You may be really pleased with accomplishments.

A Gift of Sight, Part Two

As I said in A Gift of Sight, Part One, for most of us, our eyesight is something we take for granted. We open our eyes in the morning and see our bedroom, our alarm clock or phone, the sun streaming into our windows.

We may see our pets curled up beside us, or our spouse who’s beginning to awaken as well. We really don’t think that much about it because we’re used to our world of sight, our comfortable surroundings; things looking the same every day.

Until one day it doesn’t. Until our vision starts to gradually fade, blur, become fuzzy or dim. We don’t really notice it right away, because it’s a gradual process.

But then comes a day when someone comments on something they’re looking at, and you realize you don’t see it quite the same as they do. Or quite the same as you used to.

Now imagine being told that you have an eye disease that’s incurable. That’s not a pleasant thought. You may start thinking about what might or will happen eventually. And it’s scary.

Part One described the events leading up to my husband Ben’s eye surgery. But let me explain the reality of that surgery.

Cataract surgery by itself is easy. The recovery time is quick, even though you are limited to not lifting anything heavier than 20 lbs for a few weeks, doing nothing that could cause getting debris in your eye such as gardening or going in the pool or a hot tub, and using a series of eye drops every day for about 4 weeks.

But you can see well out of your surgical eye right away, or at best, the next day. However a combination of cataract surgery AND a cornea transplant along with a stint for drainage entails other issues, a few of which we didn’t expect.

We knew he had to lay flat on his back for 48 hours, which I will tell you is not easy. Or fun. He doesn’t like to read anything but his newspaper and of course he couldn’t even do that. He tried audio books but couldn’t find any he really liked. He found a few comedy podcasts to listen to, but that really didn’t do it either.

He could get up for 15 minutes every 4 hours to eat or take meds or use the bathroom. Other than that he was flat on his back. Laying on our bed was miserable and hurt his back so he ended up on the sofa downstairs which he said was more comfortable.

But he wasn’t able to sleep well, even with sleep aids, so he was exhausted.

Why flat on his back? Because with a cornea replacement an air bubble is inserted into the eye to help hold the graft material in place. The air bubble dissipates over a few days but it’s extremely important for the bubble to stay in place so the graft will heal properly. Which means not moving around or standing because gravity has a way of trying to move that bubble where it’s not supposed to be.

We went back for a post-op visit the next day after surgery. I drove of course with him lying down on the reclined front seat. Certainly not a comfortable position. While the eye looked good for the first day after surgery, the pressure in it was too high, and they had to give him more eye drops as well as a pill to hopefully reduce some of the pressure while we were there. If that didn’t work they would have to drain the eye somewhat, which I didn’t even want to think about.

Fortunately the meds helped, and his pressure went down enough so we could go back home and get him on his back again. And another night of sleeping on the sofa on his back. And another night of not sleeping well.

The next morning he did follow his instructions and waited (but not patiently) til 11:45 to get up since that was a full 48 hours. His eye was still blurry with a shadow in it, which was normal, but still not what we’d expected. He had a lot of trouble trying to read so we bought him the strongest pair of reading glasses they make, which fortunately allowed him to read the newspaper, albeit a little at a time. But that did make him quite happy!

The next visit on Monday fortunately found the pressure lowered down to the teens! He was still restricted from driving so it meant another week at home and him not working. And did I mention he drives as a courier for a bank?

His vision slowly, and I mean slowly, improved daily, and the Thursday post-op visit found his pressure down to 10 in both eyes, which was fantastic news! His doctor was very pleased!

His vision was still somewhat hazy, though. However he ventured out on Friday to try driving and actually did ok. Enough for us to go out for a quick dinner that night to a restaurant not far from the house.

The next two days we went out shopping for flowers and plants for the yard, and he did well driving. In fact his biggest problem was not being able to lift any of the heavier plants into the cart or into the back of the car like he usually does. I had to stop him several times. 

Then Monday morning came, and it was the first day for him back to work. He was a bit nervous because his courier route takes him on a number of back roads in the area, with narrow shoulders as well as narrow roads. But he did fine, although he drove a bit slower than usual, and his vision is still not quite what we expected, although it’s legal vision for driving, but every day it gets a little better. And when it’s time he can get new glasses, and this will all be but a memory. 

We’re thankful, yes, for the doctors and nurses, and most importantly for the donor who made the transplant possible.

Take good care of your eyes, because you don’t want to have to rely on the gift of a second chance to see. Sometimes things happen, and if it does, get to a doctor right away. And if your eye doctor tells you you need to do something to improve your vision, listen to them. You’ll be forever glad you did.

And please, if you’re not already an organ donor, please consider it. For more information on becoming an organ/tissue donor, please go to organdonor.gov. 

A Gift of Sight, Part One

For the majority of us, the first thing we do when we wake up in the morning is open our eyes and look at our clock or phone to see what time it is. A simple thing, right?

But for many people it’s not that simple. Some can’t read the time without their glasses or contacts. Some can’t read it because of eye diseases…cataracts, glaucoma, macular degeneration.

Some can see but not very well due to those eye diseases, and may be considered legally blind. And some are unfortunately totally blind.

Those of us with minimal or no problems don’t stop to consider how truly fortunate we are to have the ability to see, either with or without the assistance of glasses or contact lenses. We usually take it for granted. 

Until something happens to change our situation.

In my case, a change in my vision started gradually. Which happens to almost everyone as we grow older. It got harder and harder to see my computer screen clearly and working on my jewelry projects was very difficult unless I took my contacts out and used reading glasses to see the holes in the beads because of my astigmatism.

Even though my eye doctor is fantastic, I was still scared to have the surgery and kept putting it off for several years.

Until my husband was diagnosed with glaucoma in both eyes.

Which forced me to have the cataract surgery, which was, yes, the best thing I’ve done in ages. 

But this isn’t about me.

It’s about my husband Ben.

Some 25 or so years ago he was on a business trip and woke up in a hotel room four hours from home with his left eye red and extremely swollen and sore. He said it looked like something in a horror movie. 

Fortunately he found a local eye doctor who was able to get it calmed down enough with eye drops so he could see well enough to drive home. He told him to get to an eye specialist as soon as possible because it looked like something called iritis, which could be serious if not treated properly. Luckily he did find a specialist when he got home and was able to get in to see him quickly.

And it was iritis, which is an inflammation of the iris. And according to the doctor, a bad case. So bad, in fact, that he had to have an injection in his eye to help calm it down. 

Iritis is something that cannot be cured. It is an autoimmune disease that in many cases is caused by the chicken pox virus, which is most likely what caused his. And it can also cause problems with vision, which of course it did.

His was a stubborn case, naturally, and over the course of several years he had to have two more injections in the eye. He’s been on daily steroid eye drops which eventually also cause vision problems, and a number of years ago he was put on a daily pill to hopefully help reduce flare ups. So far it has, but not before the eye damage was already done.

The steroid drops caused a cataract and surgery to remove the cataract was done probably at least 15 years ago in the left eye.

But as time went by, and even though the flare ups lessened, the eye damage continued, until he was told he needed a partial cornea transplant to save his eyesight in that eye. You can read more about this in the blog I wrote titled “The Expense of a Second Chance”.

That surgery was fortunately a success. 

That was almost ten years ago. 

Fast forward to now. 

As I said previously, Ben was diagnosed with glaucoma in both eyes last summer. Fortunately he has an excellent glaucoma specialist who’s doing everything he can to keep his sight from getting worse, using a number of eye drops to reduce the pressure. Of course he’s monitored frequently.

But his vision was slowly getting worse in his right eye. The pressure didn’t want to stabilize and he began having issues driving at night and especially in the rain. His peripheral vision on the right side wasn’t good either. And he also was having fuzzy vision in that eye from a cataract.

So both his glaucoma specialist and his cataract specialist recommended that along with the cataract removal he also needed a partial cornea replacement in his right eye, because the glaucoma was making the cornea thicken too much. Both procedures would be done at the same time. But before that he needed laser surgery in each eye to prepare for this next surgery.

Yes, that was a lot to take in. A lot to consider. And trust me, we had several discussions with both doctors, and among the two of us.

And there were a lot of “what if’s?” In those discussions. What happens if we don’t do it? And we knew the answer to that. Everything we do revolves around our ability to see, and see as clearly as possible.

The bottom line is, our eyesight is vital. And it’s a gift that many people don’t have. We take for granted that we can see and don’t really think about it until something starts to go wrong.

And then our whole perspective changes.

And in order for this procedure to take place, he had to have a cornea donor. Which meant someone had to die and give him the gift of their eye tissue. If you’ve read the previous blog I referenced you know how that affected my thoughts.

But he did have the surgery. And we are truly grateful for the person who cared enough about other people to decide to be an organ donor so others could have lifesaving or vision saving surgeries that were desperately needed.

The surgery was easy but recovery from the transplant surgery took longer than just cataract surgery, which basically takes a day.

More on that recovery process in “The Gift of Sight, Part Two”, hopefully to be published the week of May 8.

And for more information on becoming an organ/tissue donor, please go to organdonor.gov. Both Ben and I have been included in the registry for years.

To Make That Dream a Reality

First you have to wake up. No matter how comfortable you’re sleeping.

You have to wake up!

No more living in a “someday I’m going to do that” world.

Someday is now. It’s today. 

I know it’s a lot more comfortable to stay sleeping in your nice comfy bed, where you can just imagine all the great things you’re going to do in the future. But that’s not going to make it happen.

So stop dreaming about what you want to do, because if you don’t wake up and start doing it, it’ll never happen.

If dreams are a wish your heart makes when you’re asleep, what happens when you wake up? Does the dream just disappear, forgotten, until you dream it again?

Isn’t it time to make that dream come true?

Then wake up. Stay awake. Make your bed. And work on that dream!

Life Rules

If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. In fact, you’ll never even have a chance, because nothing is ever handed to you on a silver platter. No one is ever going to come up to you and say “You look like you deserve this……” and just give you something for nothing.

If you don’t ask, the answer will always be “no”. And you’ll forever wonder why you never get what you want. 

If you don’t step forward, you’ll always stay in the same place. And everyone else will end up in front of you. Because they stepped forward to accomplish what they wanted. 

If you always keep imagining yourself in another place, another job, another relationship, but you don’t do anything  to make it happen, it never will. Good things do come to those who wait, but you have to do your part to make them happen.

If you don’t follow these rules, you’re most likely going to miss out on what you’re waiting for.

So what are you waiting for?

If You Don’t…

If you don’t call me, I’ll understand…

If you don’t text me, I’ll understand…

If you don’t acknowledge me when you walk by, I’ll understand…

If you don’t respond to my invitation, I’ll understand…

If you ignore me in a restaurant, I’ll understand…

And if I forget about you, you’ll understand.

Because obviously I wasn’t important to you in the first place.

So why did I bother?