When Grief Steals Your Merry from Your Christmas

Posted on December 16, 2016 by Deborah Newell

No matter how long our loved ones have been gone it seems we especially miss them at Christmas time. There are triggers everywhere which bring back memories to us of happier times, brighter times. A part of us longs for those happier days when we had those special people with this. And, oh, how we would so love to have them back with us, even for just an hour, to celebrate part of Christmas with us.

But what about those who lose their loved ones during the season? A friend of mine, whose story is told in my book, “Memories in a Daughter’s Heart”, lost her mother to a drunk driver just two days before Christmas. My friend was a newly married young woman looking forward to the best Christmas of her life. Instead, it became the worst.

Just a year ago during this holiday season two friends of ours suddenly lost their mothers within a 24 hour period. One of these friends’ mothers had only been sick for a few weeks. It appeared she had a stroke, was briefly hospitalized, and sent home. She had appeared to be somewhat recovering, and then took a turn for the worst, not being able to walk, feed herself, or see out of one eye.

Her condition deteriorated, and she was sent back to the hospital, unable to eat or drink without aspirating food into her lungs. Our friend and his wife, along with his father, went through a grueling week of stress and concern for his mother. Because she was unable to eat or drink, and her heart was quickly weakening, the decision was made to take her back to her own home with hospice care. She had only been at home for two days when she went home to be with the Lord. This woman and her husband had been married for 63 years, and the entire time she was in the hospital, her husband would not leave her side.

Our other friend had spent a great Saturday with her mother. They went shopping and were most likely finalizing family Christmas plans, and probably making arrangements for baking Christmas cookies for the annual church cookie exchange. When my friend left her mother that night she was fine. I can imagine in my mind them telling each other good night, and saying, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

But when my friend went to pick up her mother to take her to church the next morning, her mother was already gone. She had left sometime during the night to be with the Lord and her beloved husband of many years who had passed away several months before.

I can not in any way imagine how my friend felt when she knocked on the door, got no answer, and let herself in, calling out “Mom? I’m here. Are you ready?” And then finding her. I’m sure it was a total and devastating shock; something she will never, ever be able to put out of her mind. I cannot imagine the despair and helplessness she felt. How do you confront something like that?

And just this year, a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, another good friend very unexpectedly lost her mother. She had talked to her on the phone one night, planned their weekend together, said their normal “good night, I love you’s”, and two days later, after my friend, as well as her mother’s friends, had been unable to reach her mother, Catherine received that dreaded phone call…her mom had been found unresponsive in her bedroom. She’d most likely passed away a few hours after Catherine had last told her “I love you.” Her mom hadn’t been sick; she hadn’t complained of any strange pains or ailments. We have no idea what caused her sudden demise, which left Catherine, her brother, and their families to try and put together the pieces and recover from a loss almost more devastating than losing their father several years ago had been. Because his death had been anticipated; their mother’s had not. None of them had in any way been prepared for this sudden event. But then again, are we every truly, TRULY prepared?

All of these families are very strong in their faith. But in these circumstances, no matter how strong, our spirits are shaken to the very core of our being, and as strong as our faith is, we scream out “WHY??” to the Lord. And during this Christmas season…”Why now???”

I have no answers. No one here does. Platitudes and statements like “It was her time”, “God wanted another angel”, “She’s in a better place”, “She’s with her husband and happy again” just don’t do it. We know all of that in our heads. But our hearts are shattered and crushed. Our spirits are destroyed. We don’t know how we’re going to be able to go on, and especially how we can get through this Christmas season. Because we aren’t happy or joyous. We’re miserable, devastated, and just don’t know how we’re going to get through the next day, let alone Christmas.

At times it seems we hear of more tragedies, more unexpected deaths, during the Christmas season than at other times. Or perhaps we just notice it more, because during this special season of joy and love, we want to dwell on the happiness, the joy and magic of the season, and only see the beauty and goodness that is supposed to be all around us. But when you’re hurting, when someone you dearly love is no longer here to help celebrate this special time with you, the tragedy and the grief are magnified, and finding the Merry in Christmas is almost impossible. You just want it to be over.

I cannot give you answers to make it better, because, as I said previously, I have none.

I can tell you that you will all survive. You will mourn. You will cry more tears than you realized you had inside of you. You will question God. Scream at Him. Perhaps even tell Him you don’t believe He’s even there any more. And He’s not surprised at any of these reactions. I had many of those same reactions. But He’s heard them all before. From lots of us. And He will continue to hear these cries from others in similar circumstances until we all join Him in eternity. Where we will have answers to all of our questions before we even ask them.

For my friends, I can only offer our love, our prayers, our shoulders to cry on, our arms to hug them, and our ears and hearts to listen as they pour out their grief.

For anyone who has lost a loved one at Christmas, it’s a grief that’s magnified even more because of the season. Everyone is supposed to be happy. But you’re not, and with good reason. Let me tell you, it’s ok to be sad, and it’s ok to cry; you’re not the only one in this situation. You may think you will never enjoy another Christmas, but you will. Time is a great healer, and with the Lord’s help, you will get through this.

You will make new traditions, and remembrances to honor your loved one. There will be new memories. It will be different, and uncomfortable, for the first year especially, and for several years to come. But the reason for the Christmas season will always remain the same. And because of that, we will one day be re-united with our loved ones for all of eternity. And eternity is so much longer than our stay here on earth.

Unexpected Encounters

Posted on December 14, 2016 by Deborah Newell

Over the past several months I haven’t been shopping that much. And for someone who began her career marketing and promoting shopping malls, that’s a bit unheard of. Those younger days were fun, and I still remember the very late 2:00 AM nights those few days before Thanksgiving that were spent with my maintenance and security crews installing the mall decorations so we’d be ready for the big shopping season.

And it was worth it all…so rewarding to see the looks on the faces of the children and their parents when the big day arrived and the beautifully decorated mall was unveiled! Along with Santa’s special welcoming center for all the children.

Now fast forward some 40+ years.

A different mall, in a different city. Professionally decorated by the decor company’s professional crew at least two, if not three, weeks before Thanksgiving to put shoppers in the mood to spend money as early as possible.

A different and older me…no longer a young woman just out of college, but a new grandmother with my first book being published….a five year dream come true.

Having not been to the mall in a while I hadn’t really noticed this new store there. It had actually opened back in April! It looked far too expensive for my shopping budget, but my husband said let’s just go in and take a look. The windows were beautifully decorated, so we went in, thinking we just might find something interesting in there.

Christmastime is full of stories and divine encounters. It’s a time when God puts us in certain places for the sole reason of helping someone we’ve never met before.

Yes, this was one of those times.

As I walked through the store enjoying the wonderful unique gift items and one-of-kind clothing items, I wandered back to the dressing rooms, which were also beautifully decorated. And there I saw it. And I knew my visit to that store was more than coincidence.

A prayer journal. Available for each customer to write in and request prayer for others, or themselves. And you can believe I added a prayer request for the father of a very dear friend, as well as prayed for one of the other requests in the book!

A young woman, probably not much older than our own daughter, had greeted us when we walked into the store. We’d talked briefly, just small talk between customer and sales associate, and she’d gone on to assist other customers while Ben and I looked around. Suddenly, there she was again, talking with another customer just a few feet away. When they’d finished their brief conversation, she turned to me and asked how we were enjoying the store.

Obviously I told her how impressed I was with the prayer request book, and how I’d written a request in there.

Then the God-ordained moment came, as I casually mentioned to her I was going to contact their home office to inquire about putting my new book in their stores, which had just been published that same day. She asked me what the book was about, and when I explained it dealt with losing my mother and surviving the grief afterwards, she started tearing up and trying not to cry.

“My best friend just lost her mother a month ago, and she’s going through an awful time. I don’t know how to help her. Where can I buy your book? I want to give it to her, and I want to read it as well. Maybe it’ll help….”

Of course I told her where to order it, and also gave her one of my new business cards that coincidentally I’d just received in the mail that afternoon. We talked for a few more minutes and I promised I’d pray for her friend, and that I’d contact the store’s home office and try to get some books in there. She added that she certainly hoped so, because she’d love to have a book signing there for me!

Coincidence? Absolutely not! This was one of those divine appointments that the Lord had orchestrated. He knew what this young woman and her friend needed, and He also knew I needed some encouragement that my book would be well-received and important to others.

I have no way of knowing whether she has ordered the book or not. I sincerely hope she has, or that she will. But I do know this. Visiting that store was not just a spur of the moment, “let’s go in here!” visit. It was a result of perfect timing, and following what that little inner nudge, that still small voice, said to do.

“In his heart man plots his course, but the Lord directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9) And that’s certainly what happened to us that night.

We never know whose lives we will impact when we follow the leading of the Holy Spirit: when we just do what we feel we’re led to do. Who knows what this one innocent encounter in a retail store just two weeks before Christmas will do in someone’s life?

I know how it impacted me. And I pray the repercussions in that young woman’s life, and her friend’s life, will not only make a difference in both of their lives, but the lives of others they come in contact with as well.

This Christmas season especially, be watchful, and be listening to that still small voice inside of you. If your heart leads you to do something, don’t hesitate; just do it. You have no idea what a difference one encouraging word can make on someone’s life.

Be blessed, and be a blessing to someone else this Christmas.

As a companion story to this one, read “Finding An Angel”, which can also be found in my book, “Memories in a Daughter’s Heart.”

Finding An Angel

Posted on December 12, 2016 by Deborah Newell

For anyone who’s gone through it already, you know the pain of going through that first Christmas without your loved one is unlike almost anything else. It was bad enough when you lost him or her. You didn’t think it could get any worse. Well, it really can’t….until you lose another loved one. But going through a holiday like Christmas for the first time without that special person, when so many memories are tied into that holiday, well, it can be one of the most emotional times of that first year.

For me, there were a lot of moments during that first December without my mother, which brought not only a rush of memories, but buckets of tears and a lot of streaked makeup running down my face. Even when you finally start to get into the Christmas spirit a little bit, those memories sneak in and hit you where it hurts the most.

But somehow the Lord always gives us certain “divine appointments” with others in similar situations who also need to know they’re not alone, and He sends them right into our path to make each of us feel a bit better.

He certainly did that for me that first Christmas without my mom. Shopping that year was extremely difficult. There were so many happy faces, heading out to buy gifts for loved ones. I was missing my mother terribly, and the last thing I felt was happy. Although I’d always had trouble deciding what to buy for my mother, there were certain items I could always get her that I knew she’d like. And of course, in every store I went in that first year, there was something I started to pick up, thinking I’d get it for her. Then I’d remember, she isn’t here anymore, and it stayed on the shelf.

One evening when I was trying to shop, I overheard a lady in a gift shop talking to a friend on her cell phone about some of the Willow Tree angels she was thinking about buying. (I also collect them and had given several to my mother.) She’d made a comment to the store’s manager about how she could find the gifts she needed for her friends, but she just couldn’t get into Christmas this year. The Lord prompted me to speak up, and I said, “Neither can I.” She asked why, and I told her about my mom.

Then she told me her husband had died two months ago, about the same time as my mother, and how much she was missing him. We talked about how we each felt for several minutes, and in that time, I knew I was ministering to someone who needed comfort more than I did. She tearfully made a comment about coming in the store to look for angels, and I told her we’d both found one. Both of us cried and ended up hugging each other, like old friends. I guess the people in the store thought we were a bit crazy, but I really didn’t care.

We’d never seen each other before in our lives. Obviously we both needed to share our grief with someone we didn’t know, because Christmas is meant to be shared with loved ones more than any other holiday. Why I didn’t exchange information with her I don’t know. But I pray she has found her peace as well.

How do we make it through one of the most difficult holidays during our first year of grief? Unfortunately there are no easy answers, no right or wrong ways to survive the season. Even now, after nine years, when I stand in the kitchen making cookies, or planning Christmas dinner, or writing out a Christmas shopping list my mother’s name isn’t on anymore, or hearing “Little Drummer Boy” or “Silent Night”, it still brings back bittersweet memories, as well as a few tears.

May I never reach the point of not remembering.

And may I always find someone new to share a bit of Christmas hope and love with, just at the moment they need it the most.

The Magic…and Miracles…of Christmas

Posted on December 9, 2016 by Deborah Newell

Christmas is a magical time. You can feel it in the air, see it on the faces of children as they visit Santa. You can sense it in the softly lit decorations placed in strategic places in restaurants, storefront windows, in our homes, and yes, in the images we see on line.

You can almost feel the hope, the sense that something miraculous could actually happen. That sense of a peaceful quiet that ushers in something incredibly beautiful…something more special than you’ve ever experienced before.

You can hear it in a favorite Christmas song, the words penetrating your heart and your spirit, bringing a tear to your eye as you realize you truly do believe in Christmas miracles. And you know that one is coming for either you or someone you love. You don’t know what, or how, but you believe it’s coming.

Because on that very first Christmas something miraculous did indeed happen. The world received the gift of salvation, hope, and everlasting love. In the form of a tiny baby.

So take heart. And be of good cheer, as the angels said to the shepherds a little over 2,000 years ago. Because there are still Christmas miracles to come this year.

They come in many forms. A kind or loving word from a stranger to someone who’s hurting. A surprise phone call from a loved one far away. A stranger unexpectedly buying your coffee as you struggle to find your wallet at the checkout register. An unexpected bonus or promotion at your job. An anonymous gift left on your doorstep, or in your mailbox, and it’s something you really needed.

Or you may be the one who causes a Christmas miracle without even realizing it. A smile to someone in a store who feels totally lost and alone. A “thank you” to someone who isn’t expecting it. Holding a door open for a young mother struggling with a baby stroller and arms full of packages. Giving a gift to a stranger from an angel tree or Christmas shoebox sent overseas.

Yes, miracles still abound, and it seems we’re more aware of them at the Christmas season than at any other time of year, because we need them more at this season than at any other time. It’s the season of love…and loneliness. The season of giving…and sadness because you think you have nothing to give. It’s the season of hope…and wondering when you’ll ever have any again.

But somewhere out there your miracle is coming. In a way you least expect and may not even recognize, even when it happens.

The magic of Christmas is also the miracle of Christmas. It’s not the gifts, or lack of gifts, under the tree. It’s how you feel in your heart, how your feelings toward others suddenly change, and how you see the world around you in a new way, even if only for a few days.

Let’s all enjoy the magic…and the miracle…of Christmas this year. And let’s share it with as many people as possible.

A smile. A kind word. A loving gesture. A handwritten note to say “I love you.” A prayer for those who are hurting.

The miracle of Christmas is within each of us, if we only let it come forth.

What’s on Your Christmas List?

Posted on December 7, 2016 by Deborah Newell

When I was a child my list for Santa went on forever and ever. I couldn’t wait for the toy catalogs to arrive in the mail, and when they did, I’d look through those catalogs from Sears and Montgomery Ward for days and days, just dreaming about what I wanted. I marked page after page of all the wonders of childhood favorites I just HAD to have!

Up until I was probably ten years old a doll, or two, was at the top of the list. I can still remember the excitement of dolls that you could feed and they’d actually wet their doll diaper for the little girl mommy to change! They were advertised as “lifelike” but looking back, and remembering the discarded dolls I found in my mother’s attic when I was cleaning it out, well, they didn’t look too lifelike. Their hair was painted on, and their bodies were made of hard rubber, not feeling in any way like a real baby. But as children, we thought those dolls were amazing, because we saw them with different eyes.

One Christmas I wanted a rideable stuffed horse so bad I didn’t know what to do. I saw it in the toy catalog and fell in love! I think I’d even named it, in anticipation of having it under the tree on Christmas morning! Which of course it wasn’t. I don’t remember whether or not I was disappointed, but I’m sure there were plenty of other gifts under the tree that morning. After all, when we were children Santa didn’t usually disappoint us, no matter what he brought. We were too excited, and caught up in the moment!

But that was over fifty years ago.

Times change. Children grow up. We become parents, and eventually grandparents. And we experience real life with all of its ups and downs.

Our Christmas lists change dramatically as we get older. Our daughter even mentioned that to me as we started our Christmas shopping, telling me that ever since she’d had her daughter in May, her priorities have changed. She just wants her child to have gifts; she doesn’t really want anything for herself.

That’s true for me as well. I really haven’t had much on my Christmas list over the past few years. The things I want can’t really be bought. And like our daughter, I want things for others who are important in my life….

Continued health and happiness for our new granddaughter as she grows from a baby into a toddler, and eventually a beautiful young woman.

A continuing blessed and happy marriage for our daughter and son in law. (And more grandchildren to come when they’re ready!)

Continued good health for my husband, who’s certainly scared us all over the past few years with a number of cardiac issues.

Financial blessings for several friends who are going through tough times.

Peace and reconciliation in families of some of our other friends.

Healed relationships and/or the right new relationships for those who are hurting and lonely…for new beginnings in a new year.

Healing from serious illnesses for some of our friends and their family members.

The safe return of a loved one deployed overseas in a combat zone.

A cure for cancer and Alzheimer’s.

The gift of a child for friends who are struggling with infertility.

A roof over heads and food on the table for many who are wondering how they’ll be able to make ends meet, especially during the Christmas season.

A badly needed new job, and reliable transportation to get there.

And this list is only for our circle of friends and their loved ones. I’m not even going to address the list of what our country, as well as the world we live in, so badly need.

Twenty plus years ago Amy Grant recorded the song “My Grown Up Christmas List.” I remember the first time I heard it, and how it touched my heart so very much. “No more lives torn apart…wars would never start…Time would heal all hearts…everyone would have a friend…right would always win…and love would never end.” A wonderful sentiment…a wonderful list.

Yes, as a child I had all kinds of toys on my list…material things that wouldn’t last. That would only make me happy for the moment. Until something new and better came along.

Now I’m grown up, whether I like it or not, and at an age where my wants and needs have dramatically changed.

The things I really want cannot be bought. Neither for myself or for others.

What’s on my list this year? You just read it.

What’s on your Christmas list?

The Mystery of Santa Claus

Posted on December 5, 2016 by Deborah Newell

This was originally published in December, 2015, but I wanted to share it once again. Because the mystery of Santa Claus is still with us!

A big part of Christmas when I was growing up, like most of my friends in my hometown, was wondering what Santa Claus was going to bring us.

Sure, we all knew the real meaning of Christmas, because back then there were nativity scenes everywhere, not just at the churches, and no one complained at all. Almost of us went to church regularly with our families, and participated in Sunday School Christmas pageants as well, so we were quite familiar with the reason for the season.

But that didn’t stop us from believing in Santa Claus, and knowing that when we got up Christmas morning, he’d have been there and left presents for us under the tree! And we couldn’t wait to see what he’d brought!

I don’t remember the first time I saw Santa and told him what I wanted for Christmas, but I did find this photo several years ago, and that may well have been my first visit to see the man in the red suit. It was taken at Wanamaker’s Department Store in Philadelphia, most likely in 1954 or 1955. As you can see, I was all dressed up for this special visit, in a new hat and coat my mother had probably bought for me just for this important occasion! It wasn’t real commonplace back then to take pictures of kids with Santa Claus, so this picture is even more special, and the only one I’ve found of me with him.

And from the look on my face, I can’t tell if I was excited to give him my Christmas list, or just wondering who in the world this person in that furry red suit was, and why I was there!

Back in the 1950s Santa Claus was everywhere. We never questioned why. Because he was Santa, and he was, well, a bit magical. And we never questioned how he could be in two or even three places in town at one time; we never even thought about it. He just could. We never noticed that his beard didn’t look that real, and how it didn’t feel like our own hair, and how it didn’t even look like it was actually growing on his face.

Just like we never thought about how truly impossible it was for a sled to fly through the air pulled by reindeer, who certainly can’t fly, and even if they could, they could never pull a sled all across the world in just one night while their driver had them stop at each house, go down a chimney that he certainly wouldn’t fit in, and leave a bunch of toys under someone’s Christmas tree. All those toys would never even all fit in that sled! But we didn’t stop to think about any of that.

Of course we all left milk and cookies out for him. And we expectantly checked the next morning to see if they’d been eaten. Of course, all that was left were crumbs, and a few dregs of milk in the bottom of the glass. Reason tells us there’s no way someone can eat thousands of cookies and drink gallons and gallons of milk in one night and still function, let alone deliver toys! But that never occurred to us.

We never questioned. Because that was the mystery and the magic of Santa Claus. Eventually, though, we all figured out there wasn’t really a Santa Claus. Our parents had made it all up, just like their parents before us, and probably their parents’ parents as well. But it was a huge part of our Christmas tradition. And we never got upset that he didn’t really exist when our parents told us he did. We accepted it just as one of those rites of passage of childhood into adulthood. And we made sure we didn’t let on to our friends’ younger brothers and sisters and spoil it for them!

Today some of my friends don’t believe in telling their children about Santa Claus. They’re worried that if they tell them about Santa, when they discover later on it wasn’t true, they’re afraid they won’t believe other things they’ve told them. They don’t want them to miss the true meaning of Christmas. And that’s their choice; they have a right to believe that way if they wish. But personally, I can’t imagine not growing up without my dreams of Santa!

For all of us who grew up with him, the love and mystery of Santa Claus is always going to be alive and well in our hearts, whether we’re four years old, forty years old, or even eighty-four years old.

And do you know, to this day, I’ve never figured out where my mother hid those presents that were marked “From Santa”, and how she managed to get them all under the tree to surprise me without somehow waking me up!

I wonder…….??? Is it somehow possible……..???

Christmas Fudge

Posted on December 3, 2016 by Deborah Newell

One of my mother’s favorites to make for Christmas was chocolate fudge. Along with her Christmas cookies, of course. And she made it every year. It was devoured within a few days.

There’s just something about that smooth, chocolatey sweetness that just screams Christmas! Especially if you add a few shopped candy canes on top of it for decoration. My mother didn’t do that, but if I’m going to cook, I have to put my own touch on whatever I make.

I remember my mom standing in the kitchen, patiently stirring and testing the consistency to make sure it didn’t get grainy or scalded. There is a trick to good fudge making, you know. And with the recipes I have, you really need to use a candy thermometer.

And you also have to remember NOT to try to taste the chocolate mixture as you’re putting it in the pan, because it’s hot and will DEFINITELY burn your mouth! No, I didn’t try it, but just don’t ask who did…..

So I’m happy to share my mother’s fudge recipe with you, as well as a couple others that you may want to try. Yes, you can buy fudge already made, cut apart, and boxed, but this time of year, there’s just something about making real homemade candy and cookies.

Even for someone like me who doesn’t really cook that much!

So here is my mother’s fudge recipe. Feel free to try it, and see how you like it!

Rachel’s Chocolate Fudge:
3 c sugar
1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1 c milk
1 c. light syrup (she used Karo syrup)
3 squares unsweetened chocolate
1 1/4 c butter (real butter, not margarine)

Combine ingredients and cook on low-medium heat until it reaches soft ball stage. Use a candy thermometer unless you want to drip a little bit of candy in a cup of cold water to see if it forms a soft ball. Personally, to be safe, use the candy thermometer!

Remove mixture from heat and stir in 2 tsp of vanilla. Cool for 25 minutes, then beat with a large spoon (not electric mixer) until it thickens.

Spread into lightly buttered 8x8x2 glass baking pan. Let cool, and then cut into squares.
Mom always made two batches; one with nuts, and one without, since I’m not a fan of nuts in cookies or fudge. Try it whatever way you like!

I’ve also included two other recipes here that I’m going to make this year. Please note they are not original creations, and the creators are noted. Please also feel free to visit their websites for more yummy creations!

Red Velvet Candy Cane Fudge – Taste of Home (recipe created by Crystal Schlueter)
(I love red velvet cake, and I have a red velvet cookie recipe, so I am SO going to try this one!)

2 pkg white baking chips, divided
2/3 c semisweet chocolate chips
3 tsp shortening, divided
14 oz can sweetened condensed milk
1 ½ tsp red paste food coloring
4 c confectioners sugar, divided
6 oz cream cheese, softened
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp peppermint extract
3 tbl crushed peppermint candies

Line a 13×9″ pan with foil; grease foil with butter.

In large microwave safe bowl combine 3 ¼ c white baking chips, chocolate chips, and tsp shortening. Microwave on high, uncovered, 1 minute. Stir. Microwave at additional 15 sec intervals until smooth. Stir in milk and food coloring. Gradually add 1 c confectioners sugar. Spread into prepared pan. [Sounds easy so far! – Deb]

In another large microwave safe bowl, me; remaining white baking chips and shortening. Stir until smooth. Beat in cream cheese and extracts. Gradually beat in remaining confectioners sugar until smooth. Spread over red layer; sprinkle with crushed candies. Refrigerate 2 hours or until firm.

Using foil, lift fudge out of pan. Remove foil; cut fudge into 1” squares. Store between layers of waxed paper in an airtight container.

Visit Taste of Home for more recipes!

Mint Chocolate Chip Fudge – Chocolate, Chocolate and More©
(Since I really like chocolate mint chip ice cream, this one really looks good!)

3 ¼ c white baking chips
2 tbl butter
14 oz can sweetened condensed milk
2-3 tsp mint extract (not peppermint)
Green food coloring as needed
3/4 c mini chocolate chips, divided

Line an 8x8x2″ pan with foil and lightly spray with cooking spray. Set aside.

In a microwave safe bowl, microwave white chips and butter on high for 60 seconds. Let rest one minute and check to see if melted. If needed, microwave further at 15 second intervals. Stir until all lumps are gone.

Stir in milk, and extract. Add food coloring to desired color. Let cool for a few minutes and fold in ½ c mini chocolate chips.

Press fudge into prepared pan. Sprinkle remaining mini chocolate chips on top and gently press into fudge. Refrigerate a minimum of 2 hours to set before cutting into squares. Store between layers of waxed paper in an airtight container.

Visit Chocolate, Chocolate and More© to view this recipe and more!

So are you ready for holiday candy making? Let the fun begin!

I Can’t Wait Til Next Year!

Posted on April 25, 2016 by Deborah Newell

Before God placed me inside of you, He had your grandmother tell me all kinds of wonderful things I had to look forward to when I was born.

Of course she told me all about you, and about my grandmother and grandfather, but since she never got to meet Daddy, she could only tell me what she saw on the day you two were married. God let her and your grandfather watch. Did you know that? And from what she said, it was a beautiful day for two special people who are now going to be my parents!

One of the stories she told me was all about Christmas, and how beautiful everything is with all the lights and the bright sparkly ornaments on the trees. And about all the presents, wrapped in pretty paper and bright red and green bows. She told me how Christmas is one of your favorite times of year, and I’m sure it’ll be mine, too!

She told me about the true meaning of Christmas, about how Jesus was born on Christmas Eve, just like I’m going to be born in the spring. By the way, she knows exactly what day I’m coming, but she said I can’t tell you! You’ll have to be surprised! She also told me how Santa Claus always comes on Christmas Eve and brings toys and other gifts for us kids, as long as we behave and listen to our parents. And I will, too. That’s going to be so much fun next year to see what he brought for me!

This year you and Daddy had a great Christmas, getting gifts for ME already!!! You also got some ornaments for your tree reminding you of me, and I can’t wait to see them! I also heard you talking about your stockings that Santa had filled. I wonder what he’ll put in mine next year!!! I hope mine has my name on it, and I hope it’s really big!!

I’ll be crawling by next Christmas, and I’m going to really enjoy crawling around all the presents that your grandmother told me will be there for me. I hope you’ll let me open them. You’ll have to help me, of course, but we are going to have such fun!! Maybe my doggie brothers will even help.

And I loved all those cookies you and my grandmother made! Especially the white meringue ones with the chocolate chips inside. And the buttery ones with the sugar sprinkles. I didn’t quite get enough of them, and I hope when I’m old enough you’ll let me help make them. That’ll be fun, won’t it, Mommy?!

And speaking of eating, at least I did get to have a taste of my grandmother’s Christmas dinner before you started feeling bad. I’m sorry I’m making you feel so sick, but I don’t have any control over that. I guess it’s just part of having me. But I promise you I’m going to be worth it. I really am! And I sure hope you feel better soon.

I guess I should say Merry Christmas to you and Daddy now. It’s really been fun, but all the excitement has made me really tired. I know we all had fun, and I can’t wait til next year, ‘cause it’s going to be even better!!!

Good night! I love you!

XOXOXOXOXO

Expecting the Baby

Posted on December 20, 2015 by Deborah Newell

“But the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus’.” Luke 1:30-31

Ashley and Chris are so excited about baby Rachel, and they still have five months to wait. They’ve ordered nursery furniture, picked out color themes, and everyone is already buying cute little clothes, diapers, and baby wipes.

They have baby ornaments on their Christmas tree and are counting the weeks until she’s here. Twenty three left right now!

There are baby showers being planned and some very excited grandparents and friends! It’s such an exciting time!

But the Lord impressed on my heart this morning…how do you think Mary went through while expecting her baby some 2,000+ years ago? What were she and Joseph doing to prepare?

In all the stories and messages I’ve heard about Mary and how she may have felt about being an unwed teenage mother at a time when that was probably almost the worst sin a woman could be in, I’ve never heard anyone speak on this particular subject.

How would Mary and Joseph have prepared for Jesus’ arrival?

Mary was engaged; not married yet. She should’ve been planning for her wedding, sewing her wedding garments and discussing food for the feast afterwards.

But then the news…an angel told her she was going to conceive by the power of the Holy Spirit and have a baby boy. Joseph had nothing to do with it, and since they weren’t even married yet, well…. There were no pregnancy tests needed; it just happened in the blink of an eye, and she was pregnant. No other confirmation had been needed.

There is no mention of Mary’s parents in the Bible. What did they say and think when she told them she was pregnant? Did they believe her story? Let’s face it, as parents, would you believe her story? Or did they blame Joseph for taking advantage of their daughter? Or even worse, think Mary had been with someone else? Can you even begin to imagine the conversations that probably went on for weeks in that household!?

Maybe that’s why she went away to visit her cousin Elizabeth for several months…to hide her condition along with her growing belly. And possibly allow her to come back and tell everyone she and Joseph had been quietly married during that time, even though traditional Jewish customs would probably never have allowed that. There would need to have been a formal celebration!

Scripture tells us Joseph didn’t believe her either, and was ready to walk away from her until an angel told him in a dream that Mary was telling him the truth. So he stayed with her, and I’m sure everyone was relieved. Suddenly Joseph had not only a bride-to-be, but a baby on the way! We aren’t told at what point Mary and Joseph were actually married; I’m sure they were, but most likely not in a formal public wedding celebration. I can’t help but wonder if Mary regretted not having the weddings all the other girls of that time had? She was a typical young girl; surely there were times she must have looked back and said “what if?”

And physically, how did Mary feel during her pregnancy? Our daughter has been sick almost every day since she got pregnant. Very sick. Even the nausea medicines don’t always work. Back in Mary’s time, doctor visits didn’t happen for pregnant women. If they were sick during the pregnancy, there were natural remedies to try, but if they didn’t work, the mom had no choice but to bear it and continue on. There was no such thing as pre-natal care or regular exams to check on the baby’s progress.

They didn’t have to wonder about the sex of the baby at least. The angel had already told Mary, along with the name she was to give him! They didn’t have to spend weeks discussing who to name him after. And today’s popular gender reveals? Back then there was no way of knowing whether it was a boy or girl until the baby was born.

Ashley and Chris have already picked out their nursery furniture and color scheme. Mary and Joseph wouldn’t have planned a separate nursery for baby Jesus; they’d keep the baby near them. Usually there were no separate sleeping rooms for children until they were older, and there were certainly no baby monitors to check on him.

And Ashley and Chris are already collecting clothes for baby Rachel. Adorable little outfits…I wonder if she’ll ever be able to wear them all! But when Jesus was born, Mary dressed him in swaddling clothes, which were actually long strips of cloth babies were wrapped in; only the wealthy could afford clothes for their babies and very young children. They certainly had no collection of cute little outfits for him to wear!

Baby showers as we know them were non-existent. Perhaps a few women got together and brought things for her that she could use, but there were certainly no parties, no games, no party favors. No fancy decorations. And all the incidentals new parents need today…like car seats and strollers to keep the baby safe when traveling…after his birth, Mary carried Jesus in her arms while she rode on a donkey!

Her labor and delivery was without any pain killers; it wasn’t even in a hospital, and certainly not in sanitary conditions. She had no epidural; no doctors or nurses were anywhere in sight. Joseph had to deliver the baby by himself! He probably had no idea what to do. He was a carpenter. At least a shepherd would’ve delivered sheep, and would’ve known somewhat what to do. How scared do you think he was? As well as Mary, who had probably heard all manner of horror stories about giving birth. She had no idea what to expect. And I’m sure the pain was intense, with Mary screaming while Joseph could only wipe her brow, hold her hands, and pray.

And afterwards, this precious little baby was laid in a manger on a bed of straw, a dirty trough where animals fed. I’m sure Joseph cleaned it up as best he could, but it most certainly lacked basic cleanliness and comfort standards.

Today after the birth of a baby, family and friends are there immediately to visit and meet the little one. The hospital carefully monitors visitors for the baby’s safety and makes sure the baby and parents all have matching name bands. Jesus’ first visitors weren’t family, but total strangers….shepherds who were considered the lowest level of humanity, who had been out in the fields for probably several weeks, and most likely were in severe need of a bath! And when did the grandparents finally get to meet the child?

It’s difficult to imagine what Mary and Joseph went through to deliver the Savior of the World. But I am glad they were obedient, and I am thankful for their sacrifices. Any baby is a precious gift, a miracle…but this one, conceived by an unwed teenage girl and born under some of the harshest conditions we can envision, is truly the greatest miracle the world has ever known.

Thank you Mary, and Joseph, for all you endured to give us Jesus.

Anticipation…

Posted on December 18, 2015 by Deborah Newell

This morning I woke up to the radio announcer saying “Just think…Christmas is one week from today! Are you ready?”

Where has the time gone? It can’t possibly be that close! How did that happen anyway? I still have shopping to do; in fact I haven’t really started. There are friends we want to have over for dinners we haven’t even planned yet. I haven’t bought Christmas cards, and guess I won’t again this year. And I still have one more batch of Christmas cookies to make…

But then I realized I also haven’t had time to slow down and enjoy the beauty of my favorite season, because we’ve been so busy working, and by the time the day is over we’re too tired to stop and smell the Christmas candles, or take a drive and enjoy the beauty of all the brightly lit decorated homes in the neighborhood. The season is becoming a time of stress and exhaustion rather than anticipation and excitement. And that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. Not at all.

What happened? Where’d the time go? There’s one week left…just seven short days.

Sixty years ago my little five year old self woke up one week before Christmas. And asked my mother excitedly, “how much longer til it’s Christmas?” And that answer of one week sounded like a lifetime…and seven days sounded even longer!

Time is measured differently at Christmastime by children. Because life is so much simpler for them.

When I was a child, we always had a candle we’d burn every evening at dinner, starting December 1. It had markings on it for the 24 days leading up to Christmas Day, and it seemed like that candle would never burn all the way down to 24! I remember the anticipation of watching it, and actually wondering if I could hurry up the time by burning two numbers each night instead of one!

When Christmas started getting so close, I was so excited I just couldn’t contain myself. By the time it was just a couple of days away, I couldn’t even sleep at night. And Christmas morning, I was up at the crack of dawn, because I wanted to see what Santa Claus had brought!

So what’s happened to the anticipation we should still be having for Christmas? Have we lost some of the excitement by being caught up in the hustle and bustle of everything we’re expected to do, and having no time to do it? Or are we trying to do too much and not taking the time to think about and appreciate the event that’s coming? And to share that excitement with others?

Let’s slow down a bit and enjoy the excitement of what Christmas really means…it’s not just what gifts we’re giving or getting. It’s a time of celebration of the birth of the Savior of the world. I think about how excited my husband and I are about the upcoming birth of our first grandchild, and that’s not until another five months! The celebration of Jesus’ birth is only seven days away! When it’s only seven more days til our granddaughter’s arrival date, I probably won’t be able to sleep either! Shouldn’t it still be that excitement for Christmas we had as a child?

I think it’s time to get excited again about what Christmas means, and anticipate the celebration that’s coming, instead of rushing around and worrying that we won’t have everything done. So smell the Christmas candles, take a ride and look at the lights, invite friends over for cake and egg nog, go Christmas caroling (even if you can’t sing that well), or take a plate of cookies to someone who may not have a lot of family or friends around this season. Call or visit someone who may be having a tough time with the season because of a recent loss, and give them a hug and a word of encouragement; you have no idea how much that will mean to them.

It’s not just about buying gifts, you know…..it’s about love and sharing that love with others. So start getting excited, not stressed! You’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel.

My Little Christmas Tree

Posted on December 9, 2015 by Deborah Newell

Sometimes it’s the little things we do that seem inconsequential to us. But to others, they make a huge impact on their lives.

Ben and I unknowingly did that last year when our dear friend Annette’s dad, whom we affectionately call Dad Warren, was taken to the hospital about two weeks before Christmas with pneumonia. He was in for almost a week, but he had to agree to go for physical therapy to get his strength back before he could go home. So instead of spending the Christmas holidays with his family in his own home of many years, he had no choice but to spend them in a local rehab center in unfamiliar surroundings.

But before I tell the entire story, let me relate a little bit about this wonderful man.

Rev. Warren Wilson set a goal for himself early in life…to become a minister and spread the word of the Lord. He studied hard, went to seminary, met the love of his life (and the only woman he ever dated) and married her. Together, over almost four decades, they pastored a number of churches, and raised five wonderful children. And as of this writing, at 94 years old, his mind is as sharp as that of a teenager, and although he lost his beloved wife Ruth last year, he still talks about her daily and wears her wedding ring on his hand. His body may not do what he wants it to, because he’s had several heart surgeries, a hip replacement, and a few years ago a stroke that left him with continual dizziness, which has since forced him to spend his days in a wheelchair.

But that wheelchair hasn’t stopped Dad Warren from being the same fun-loving, teasing, and sometimes mischievous man he has always been. He still spends several hours a day reading his Bible, and writing his thoughts about what he reads: essays and sermons that I pray we will one day get to transpose and publish to share with others.

Back to the story…

None of us wanted him to be without some type of decorations for Christmas. Annette brought him some decorations to hang on the wall, and someone brought him a Santa hat, which he wore every time he took his wheelchair for a spin around the facility, but he didn’t have a Christmas tree. And there wasn’t really a place for one in his room.

My mother had a little green ceramic Christmas tree she used the last several years of her life. Her sister had made it for her, and of course when we packed up her home after she left us, that was one of the items I couldn’t bear to get rid of, so it came home with us. Although I very seldom use it, its sentimental value cannot be measured.

It was perfect for Dad Warren’s room; it wasn’t very big, and would fit on his dresser, and it would even serve as a night light for him.

We had no idea what this simple act of loaning a little ceramic Christmas tree meant to this man. When we told him it had been my mother’s, and how her sister had made it for her, he was hesitant to use it, afraid it would get broken. We assured him we wanted him to have it in his room, and finally convinced him by telling him my mother would want to have someone enjoying her tree! He almost cried over it…

The next day, and for several days later, he called me to ask me specific questions about my mother, and finally told me he was writing a poem about her Christmas tree. He worked on it for a week or so, and when he was done, he made a point of reading it to everyone who came to visit him, and telling them the story of his tree. I was so touched. I typed up the poem and had it framed as a special treasure.

Thank you, Dad Warren, for being who you are and for being such a wonderful example of God’s love to everyone who knows you. We love you. I am honored to share your poem.

“My Little Christmas Tree”

‘Tis not very big, perhaps just one foot tall;
It looks so pretty sitting against the wall,
Dressed in green with variegated lights – perhaps 50 in all.

But what’s so special about my beautiful tree near the wall?
It’s not its luster or its eye-catching glow
Whose Christmas love gave birth to my little friend near the wall.

Its nativity birthed forth from love’s sacrifice of loss – yet gain;
When Deborah and Ben Newell spared naught to share its life,
And now eternal flame.

Its station and reflection on the wall
Bestows Christmas love and joy to all.

Even now Rachel Chapman’s voice enhances Heaven’s angelic choir
Singing, “Glory to God in the highest with peace on earth” to those who can sing:
Crown Him King of Kings, Crown Him Lord of Lords – Wonderful, Counselor,
The Mighty God. Emmanuel – God is with us, and He will reign,
He will reign, He will reign forevermore.”

And He gave a little Christmas tree to prove His love to you and me.

Scribe: Warren H. Wilson
December 25, 2014

Note: Rachel Chapman was my mother. And she never sang. But I truly believe Dad Warren heard her singing in God’s heavenly choir.

Just Living Life

A journal of advice, stories, and ideas from years of living

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