Making a List and Checking it….??

Posted on April 8, 2014 by Deborah Newell

We’ve all seen those signs on Pinterest that say something like “Today two families become one, so pick a seat, not a side!”

Well, in theory that’s certainly true. However, sometimes in reality that’s not quite the way it works! (But wouldn’t it be nice if it did?!)

And if only it was just dealing with where someone is going to sit at the ceremony and the reception. More on that in another post!

One of the first (and sometimes most stressful) parts of planning the wedding for the bride and groom is writing out the guest list. Because it’s not usually just the two of you putting it together! Oh, no. Your families are going to want to include their invitees, and rightfully so if they’re paying for the wedding, or even a portion of it. That’s just how it works.

But the guest list can become a real point of contention, sometimes to the point of total “knock down, drag out” arguments in which you don’t speak to each other for days! And that is something you need to avoid.

The hard truth is, #1, there is a budget. Each guest costs $XX. And #2, unless you’re holding your wedding and reception somewhere with 3-4 moveable walls to accommodate half of a small town, you’re not going to have enough room for your second cousin twice removed and his whole family, or your great aunt Martha who you haven’t seen in twenty years!

So where do you start?

Tradition says that each side should have an equal number of people invited. However, that tradition is not always strictly adhered to any more, since the couple usually counts their friends as THEIR friends, not his or her friends. Some families and extended families aren’t as large as others. And there are always some out of town family members who need to be invited and almost certainly won’t be able to come. At least so you think! Until they get their invitation! And guess what…they’re coming!

So have your fiancé and his family write out their list of “must invite” and “would like to invite” and “should invite”. You and your family do the same. (This sounds better than an “A” list and a “B” list, even though that’s sort of what you’re doing.) Go ahead and include family, friends, and anyone from your offices that you might think you should ask. But be careful here! Unless you’re really, really close to some of your co-workers, it’s usually best to leave them off the list!

After you have these lists, then ALL of you talk it over. And yes, you do need to agree, at least for the most part, on who you’re inviting. So who’s on the lists? Immediate family, well hopefully you already know each other’s immediate family. If not, you will really soon! Sort-of-distant family. Ok, we got that. And those people who will get really mad at you if they’re not invited, but someone else is. Family Feud may be a game show on TV, but it can really rear its scary head during the preparing of the wedding guest list! Aunt Sylvia is invited but Cousin Harold isn’t? You’ll never hear the end of it! Or your mom and her cousin haven’t spoken to each other in years because of some family incident no one can even remember, but you’re still not sure an invitation should be sent…..

Then you have your friends. And their “significant other”. You really shouldn’t invite someone to come to a wedding by themselves. You’re going to have to try to include “and guest” on the invitation. After all, if you were in that position, wouldn’t you be upset? And remember to include the spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend in the guest count for the bridal party, too.

Now here’s another sticky area. What if one of your really good friends is now dating one of your “ex’s”? And wants to bring him/her. That could be quite interesting. For everyone. As well as uncomfortable, depending on how the relationship ended. (And whether your future spouse knows about him/her!) Hopefully you and your friend can talk it out rationally and come to a solution. Because there’s really no cookie cutter answer for this one.

And no, you shouldn’t invite your ex’s brother/sister/mom/dad, etc. no matter how much you still like them.

Then you have the acquaintances who may just assume they’re going to be invited. And keep trying to find out details about your wedding, and then they start telling you how they can’t wait until your big day! Well, neither can you! But they’re not invited. What do you do? Well, just mention you’re still working on your guest list and how big a task it’s turning out to be. Then change the subject! And don’t think that just because someone invited you and your fiancé to their wedding that you HAVE to invite them. Or if someone gives you an engagement gift without being invited to a party or shower, that doesn’t mean they have to be invited either. If you hadn’t planned on inviting them, don’t do it! That’s your decision, not theirs!

Stepfamilies are always another bit of a touchy area. If you’re in that position, and unless everyone really does get along well with each other, it’s going to take a bit of diplomacy to get through this one. And we’re only talking the inviting right now, not the seating at the ceremony and reception. That’s a whole other blog for another day!

There’s also another tricky question, and that’s whether or not you invite children. But it’s also something you’re going to have to sit down and discuss (and possibly with those who have kids that aren’t going to be allowed to bring them) because you’re always going to have someone who gets mad if they can’t bring their children. Just bear in mind that when you have a flower girl and/or ring bearer, there are children at the wedding! And you have to be careful where you draw the line! Again, that’s a whole other blog to follow shortly.

And when you’re doing the food count, you should also include your pastor and his/her spouse (who may or may not attend the reception), as well as vendor meals to feed your photographer and DJ’s/band members. And the wedding planner, too! If we have time to eat anything, that is.

Sound like you’re getting ready to walk through a mine field? Well, in some cases that’s exactly what can happen! Just remember, you only have so much in your budget, and your venue only holds so many people. If you have to, use that as an excuse if someone actually has the nerve to ask why they aren’t invited. Which they might.

This is also good training for your married life ahead, because there’s going to be lots of times where you and your spouse are going to disagree and you’re going to have to compromise, and sometimes those disagreements are going to be involving both of your families!

Remember it’s YOUR wedding! The final choice is yours!

(And if all else fails, you can always elope! Then just have a big party!)

Photo Sources: 1st Row: iloveswmag.com; via etsy – 2nd Row: telegraph.co.uk – 3rd Row: source unknown- 4th Row: bridalguide.com – 5th Row: thebettermom.com – 6th Row: backthird.com – 7th Row: girlsofwisdom blog –8th Row: James Thomas Long Photography – 9th Row: lilysbridal.net

How to Hide the Dress

Posted on April 4, 2014 by Deborah Newell

A lot of grooms WANT to be surprised when they first see their bride in her wedding gown as she walks down the aisle. You’ve all seen those “first look” photos, and we just LOVE them! The expressions on his face are usually priceless. Several of our grooms have cried when they saw the love of their life walking down the aisle.

Some brides have even threatened their fiancé that “If you don’t cry when you see me, I’m turning around and going back out until you do!” No one has tried it yet, but there’s always a first time.

katekylejoeelariophotography via huffington post

Some grooms, though, want to see the dress as soon as she buys it. They’re just excited. They’re curious. They’ve heard her talking about wedding gown shopping with her friends, and as much as she’s said about how much fun it was, and how perfect the dress is on her, well, they just want to see what it looks like! Especially if the wedding is several months, or even a year, away. Curiosity, and all that….! Some grooms actually go wedding gown shopping with their bride-to-be, and help pick out the dress. We saw just such a couple at the bridal salon when we were shopping a few months ago. And if that’s what they both want, that’s fine!

Personally, we still subscribe to the idea that the groom isn’t supposed to see his bride until she walks down the aisle in her wedding gown. Which means he’s not supposed to see the DRESS until then, either! We’re not saying it’s bad luck like the old superstition, which actually grew out of the time of arranged marriages and trying to prevent the groom from seeing the girl he was marrying until the last minute, so he wouldn’t try to run! We just like the idea of keeping him in suspense! That may sound like a simple matter to accomplish, but it’s not always as easy as you think. With all the camera phones around today, everyone is taking at least two pictures of every dress the bride-to-be tries on! (Sometimes covertly, because some of the bridal salons don’t allow pictures to be taken! Like that stops the girls!) And sending them to friends to get their opinions, who probably send them to their friends as well!

Then when she finds the perfect dress, well, the cameras are going even crazier, and so are the text messages back and forth with pictures! Hopefully Instagram and Facebook and Twitter won’t be included, because if they are, well…..the secret isn’t a secret any more, and the world has seen her in her dress before she even gets it fitted!
And then there are the pictures on those cell phones! Very easy for someone, including your fiancé, to pick up the phone before you’ve even thought about deleting the pictures, and he “accidentally” sees them (especially since he knew you were going wedding gown shopping!). Or he picks up your best friend’s phone, and there’s your picture in your dress, as her wallpaper! Oops….. Guess it’s back to the store to pick out a new one?!
A lot of the bridal shops aren’t storing the wedding gowns for their brides once they arrive at the shop. There just isn’t room. So what’s a bride to do? She has to bring it home and store it in her closet. After she finds the room in her closet where it’ll be safe. We’re talking precious and valuable one-of-a-kind clothing here! It can’t just be stuffed in the back of a closet, even in an opaque garment bag! It has to have its place of honor! You don’t want it wrinkled and smushed up!
Or even worse, you DON’T want your fiancé to find it! Because if he does, more than likely, even though he says not, he’s going to want to open that bag and take a look! Locking the bag won’t help either, because it’s really easy to cut open a garment bag if you really want to! Unfortunately the dress might be cut as well…. And then….what if he sees it and he doesn’t like it!? And he tells you? All the wedding insurance in the world isn’t going to fix that one easily! So what’s the best way to handle this situation?

Before we give our suggestion, we have to share a story (yes a true story) about our favorite father-of-the-bride when our daughter brought her wedding dress home a few weeks ago. He was very concerned about where to store it. Not only because he didn’t want it to get wrinkled, but he and a friend of his were also concerned about what they could do to keep the moths away from it! Fortunately I set him straight before he started buying mothballs and stuffing them in the garment bag…. It’s going to be a long year until her wedding…..

But the easiest thing to do for your dress, besides not worrying about moths, is to store your dress at a friend’s or family member’s house, if possible. If they want to take the responsibility, that is. Chances are, they’ll be glad to help. Just don’t tell him what you did! Then….have a little fun. After all, if you can’t have fun planning your wedding….. Go out to the nearest thrift store, and pick up an inexpensive wedding dress…something you’d never wear, that doesn’t even look like your style! Maybe even add some gaudy bling or huge fabric flowers to it. You know, really make it look, well, as tacky as possible! It doesn’t even have to fit, in fact, if it doesn’t that’s even better!

Then hang it in your closet in a garment bag from the bridal shop. In plain view, of course. Of course, since you’ve been talking about your dress shopping, and how much fun it was, and how your dress has already come in and you have to pick it up, he’s naturally going to know there’s one around somewhere! Not that he’d ever go searching, but at some point, either by accident or by snooping, he’s going to see that garment bag, and he’s going to open it! Don’t you wish you could have a picture of that moment! When you think he’s actually seen it, and of course you’re going to make sure to give him every opportunity, start talking about how excited you are about your dress, and how you really wish you could show it to him, but you just can’t…. Really lay it on thick, and watch him get nervous! And the closer it gets to the wedding, the more you play it up, and see what happens! Oh, we can just imagine. Think he’ll let on what he did?

And just imagine the look of relief on his face when he sees you in your real dress on your wedding day! That will be a “first look” photo that will be absolutely more than priceless!

Photo Sources: 1st Row: kernphoto.com; wanieeey,blogspot.com – 2nd Row: girlywedding.com; katekylejoeelario photography via huffington post – 3rd Row: bbc.co.uk – 4th Row: personal files – 5th Row: glamour.com – 6th Row: newstalkkit.com – 7th Row: source unknown – 8th Row: personal files – 9th Row: greenhousegypsy4lifestyle via bostonglobe.com – 10th Row:styleunveiled.com; PatchworkPhotography.com – 11th Row: Patchwork Photography.com

Something About the Shoes – and Socks!

Posted on April 1, 2014 by Deborah Newell

You spent a lot of money (or maybe not!) on your wedding dress. In most cases it’s long, and unless you’re really kicking up your heels on the dance floor, who’s going to see your shoes!? Right? You might not think anyone will see them, but what about all those really cool pictures you’ve seen of the rings on the heels of those awesome wedding shoes? Or the pictures of the groomsmen holding the bride sideways…there’s usually a pair of fancy shoes peeking out from under the hem of that dress! If you do the garter toss, when you’re sitting down, your groom is going to raise at least PART of the skirt of your dress up, and there’s going to be some kind of shoe that needs to be seen! And if your dress has a slit in the front or on the side, well, there has to be a fancy sparkly shoe making an appearance at the bottom!

It’s part of the tradition! Right?

Now you know you’re never going to wear that wedding dress again, right? But there’s a really good chance you can find other occasions to wear a great pair of sparkly shoes. Shoot, make the opportunity! And even if you don’t like shoes, there’s just something about finding a perfect pair of shoes to go with your fabulous wedding dress! After all, you’re the bride. You’re entitled! And even though I’m not really a shoe person (I know–horrors!) I absolutely adore all those gorgeous fancy shoes designed to be worn with a wedding gown! And they’re in all colors and designs! Your wedding day shoes don’t have to be white, as you’ll see below.

How do you walk in them, though? I’m one for comfort as well as style. And on your wedding day, the last thing you need is for your feet to be hurting. After all, you not only have to walk down the aisle, and stand still for some 20-30 minutes, then walk/run back up the aisle, stand for zillions of pictures, be introduced at your reception, dance at your reception…your feet are going through a huge workout! If you get to the point you can’t walk in those gorgeous shoes any more, what do you do? Besides hope that someone has a spare comfortable, but elegant, pair around to let you wear!

Rachael Foster Photography Borrowed and Bleu

You can’t forget all those cute little gimmicks you see on Pinterest, either. You know, the ones where you put decals on the bottoms of the shoes, or write cute notes on them, or have the bridesmaids sign their names, or you write a note to the groom… What a fabulous photo op! The heck with comfort! Just be sure to have your photographer take pictures BEFORE the ceremony, because afterwards, those shoes are bound to not look near as good…at least not without some photo editing!

And as we mentioned before, there are those pictures with the rings on the heels of the bride’s shoes, or of her shoes in really beautiful positions and poses. Who can resist? Why, it’s worth the cost of the shoes alone for those pictures! Right?? So what if your feet are screaming by the time the dancing starts?

A word of advice, or maybe six words. Make sure your shoes are comfortable. Break them in before you wear them on your wedding day. Buy them well in advance and practice walking (on carpet!) in them. Dance in them. Stand in them. Wear them while you’re seated. And if you just can’t get them to be comfortable, well you have two choices. Either exchange them, or if you really, really want them for your pictures, buy another COMFORTABLE pair to change into when your feet start screaming. You can always decorate them with a bit of bling as well. Be creative. Involve your bridesmaids, even. After all, aren’t two pairs of shoes better than one!? And your flower girl can always wear a pair of leftover shoes!

Or if you’re having a beach wedding, there are all kinds of decorative wedding flip flops. You can either buy them already decorated, or buy your own and be creative! You can even have a party with your bridesmaids, and all of you decorate your flip flops to coordinate with your dresses! Some brides even opt for the non-shoe flip flops, which are basically just jewelry for your feet with no soles. You’ll collect a lot of sand on your feet and between your toes, but your feet will look elegant!

Or you can even go a little crazy with something like these! Or not…. You do know…it’s your wedding, and just about anything goes when we’re talking shoes!

And don’t forget your guests….many of them may end up with sore feet halfway towards the end of the night and what better way to combine comfort with wedding favors and offer up a bucket of dancing shoes for the ladies?

How about the bridesmaids wearing all different colors of shoes with their dresses? Or the bride wearing another color? And what about the trend for wearing cowboy boots with your wedding gown? And having your bridesmaids do the same? (Personally…I love cowboy boots…but for a wedding, I’m not too sure. But it’s your wedding!)

Stephanie Hogue Photography via StyleMePretty

And there are other options besides the boots…..

Melissa Biador Photography via Loverly_ly

Caitlin Thomas Photography via Wedding Chicks

So we have all these fantastic shoes for the bride and her bridesmaids. All these photo ops! How fun!

Wait. We forgot something. Or should we say…someone! What about the guys? Don’t they get to have a little fun with this, too?

Unfortunately they don’t have too many choices. They can wear the standard rental shoes that go with their tuxes, as most of them do. If it’s casual, I mean really casual, they can wear some funky sneakers. Or they can go with cowboy boots if that’s what the ladies decide!

And there’s always flip flops or bare feet if you’re on the beach. But really, who looks at the guys’ shoes?

But….there’s also a trend that we like that gives the guys their time to have fun, too! How about the socks!? At least they can have a little fun with them! And those picture of the guys raising their pant legs and showing off their colorful socks are almost as fun as the ones with the ladies and their shoes!

How about these socks especially made for the groom with these funny little sayings on them? No one sees them, but at least the wedding party knows they’re there. And again, pictures before the ceremony are always good for a laugh later on! And sometimes there are even sayings that can be put on HIS shoes!

In fact, special socks for the guys can even solve a bit of a dilemma that you may be having. So what happens when the groom wants something special to wear with his tux, or suit, or whatever he’s going to be attired in, and the bride says forget it!

Like the groom wanting a camouflage vest for his guys. And it just doesn’t go with a beach themed wedding. Well, here’s the perfect solution, and let me say right now, we had to search for this one!

Problem solved. The socks win it! And we know just the wedding where you’ll find them…..

Photo Sources: 1st Row: eddyk.com; via Pinterest – 2nd Row: everythingsparklywhite via tumbler; obsessedwithshoes.com; bumpinghanger.com; blog.theknot.com – 3rd Row: iloveswmag.com; obaz.com; sistarshoes.com; via Jaliah Henderson.com; Rachael Foster Photography via BorrowedandBleu.com 4th Row: wedingdaypin.com; theknot.com; vinyl decals via Etsy; lovewedbliss.com; amandahedgepethphotography.com; via tumblr – 5th Row: onewed.com; onewed.com; bespokebride.com; apositivelybeautifulblog via tumblr – 6th Row: inspirationlane via tumblr – 7th Row: source unknown; lovewedbliss.com; loveitsomuch.com; abouther.net; Etsy Priceless Princess Bows – 8th Row: lilacchiffon via tumblr; marthastewartweddings.com – 9th Row: EstateWeddingsandEvents.com – 10th Row:weddingthingz.com; Stephanie Hogue Photography via StyleMePretty; budgetdreamweddings.com; personal files – 11th Row: Melissa Biador Photography via Lovely.ly; Caitlin Thomas Photography via Wedding Chicks; Benfield Photography – 12th Row: AshleyGillett.com – 13th Row: Destinationweddingmag.com- 14th Row: source unknown; PrettyChicky mainstreetav.com; ahurstphotography.com – 15th Row: arabiaweddings.com; stylemepretty; stylemeprettyforgrooms – 16th Row: ColoradoVisions.com

Asking Dad First…It’s Still the Thing to Do

Posted on March 28, 2014 by Deborah Newell

Call us old fashioned…but the tradition of the guy coming to his girlfriend’s dad and asking for her hand in marriage, well, as outdated as you may think that sounds…we still like the idea! After all, this is a big step. It’s more than just dating. It’s a commitment. A lifetime commitment. And no matter how close your future husband is to your parents, and/or your dad in particular, we can guarantee, that almost always, the guy is going to be nervous!

Sure, dad always tries to put forth that “no guy is ever going to be good enough for MY daughter” attitude. He jokes around that he’s always got the shotgun ready. He talks about buying a t-shirt that has some saying on it about “50 reasons for not dating my daughter”. He probably even has one of the humorous “application to date my daughter” papers that someone gave him when his little girl was old enough to start dating…you know, the one that asks the guy if he has life insurance, if he’s ever been arrested, if he plans on getting her home every night at 8:00, and ends with “I’ll let you know if your application has been approved in ten years or so!”

Yeah. That’s her dad. And since you love her more than anything and want to marry her, well, you have to go to him and ask HIS permission. Asking her might be easier. Because you’re fairly sure she’ll say YES! Dad may be a different story.

Before we go any further, yes we know that times are different now. There are lots of cases where she lives with her mom, rather than her mom and dad. Dad may or may not be in her life. Or if he is, he may live out of town and you may never have even met him. (In which case, a trip out of town may definitely be in order! With your soon-to-be fiancée of course!) Or dad may have passed away, and her mom is the one you have to talk to. Or maybe an uncle or a stepdad.

Gets a bit complicated here, doesn’t it?

Bottom line is, unless there’s a really, REALLY good reason…there’s almost always someone that she looks up to whose permission you should get before you propose! Not only are you making the first of many public statements of how you feel about her by asking permission to marry her, you’re also showing your respect. And believe me, even though you may think it’s not that important, trust us…it is. And it also establishes the tone for your new relationship. You’re no longer going to be regarded as that boy who’s dating his daughter. You’re going to be a family member. A son-in-law as well as a husband! You’re taking on a whole new responsibility.

So what’s the best way and time to do this? Definitely BEFORE you propose to her. There’s that asking permission thing. Just be sure that she has the same feelings that you do! Because you don’t want to get her dad’s permission, and then find out SHE has no desire to marry you! But that situation is few and far between, as the saying goes.

Having recently gone through this, we do have some good advice for any young man who’s made up his mind that he’s going to propose. (And let me add one part here…our future son-in-law Chris did everything the right way – we were out of town on vacation, and he drove over an hour to get to where we were staying to ask Ben’s permission, even though we were coming back the next day! He’d made up his mind, and already had the ring, so he wanted to make sure all the pieces were in place, even though the actual proposal was some two weeks away!)

So you’re scared? Nervous? Don’t be. Well, if you haven’t been around her dad a lot, we can sort of understand your being a bit apprehensive, but still… And by all means, don’t do it over the phone or by text message or email! Don’t tweet it or post a message on Facebook to him! Unless you’re on two different continents, and there are no plans to be together any time soon, well, in that case you can hook up your Skype and do it that way!

You need to do this face to face. Eyeball to eyeball. In private. You don’t want an audience. This is one of the most important conversations you’re going to have. And guess what. You have to start the dialogue, because chances are, her dad is going to know immediately why you’re there! And he’s going to wait until YOU start talking, because he wants to maintain that last bit of control that he’s getting ready to lose.

You may have rehearsed what you’re going to say a hundred times in your own mind. But guess what…when it’s time to actually say those words to your future father-in-law, you may forget everything you’d planned to say. Which is fine. Because you really need to speak from your heart. This is the time to tell him how much you love his daughter, and how sure you are that you want to spend the rest of your life with her. And if you stumble over the words, well, that’s ok, too.

Your heart is what’s important. And trust me, he’s going to know where your heart is as soon as you start talking. And he’s going to keep picturing that little girl playing dress up, while you’re picturing your future wife walking down the aisle in her wedding dress! Two totally separate pictures!

Chances are by the time you’ve said all that, you’re finally going to be able to breathe again, because you probably won’t be breathing too well when you start the conversation.

Then you have to wait for his answer. And please be sure you actually ASK for his permission to marry his daughter. Because if you don’t ask the question, how can he give you his answer???!

Now you also have to remember there are a lot of things going through HIS mind as well! (And possibly one day you’ll be on the opposite end of this conversation!) He’s realizing that his baby isn’t a baby or a child any more. He automatically thinks about all the days with her when HE was her main guy! That’s sort of hard to take as a dad…or a mom. And there are a lot of thoughts in his head that he doesn’t know how to deal with either. And I don’t mean thinking about paying for a wedding, because that’s the last thing on his mind at that point!

Bottom line…this is the time you and your future father-in-law really start to connect. Forget all the stereotypes you see in the movies, like where the dad yells and throws the guy out of the house, or threatens to have him disappear, or says something sarcastic like “I hope this time she actually goes through with it, instead of dumping you at the last minute like she did the other guys, because I think I actually like you!”

As much as you imagine in your mind all the bad ways this could go…it won’t. You’ll be fine. Her dad will be fine. Just be sure you make him promise not to say anything to his daughter until you actually get up your nerve to ask her!

Photo Sources: 1st Row: ebay.com.au- 2nd Row: miabridalcouture.blogspot- 3rd Row: stgeorgeutah.com- 4th Row: manynamesofamandablogspot.com; tressugar.com – 5th Row: deeprootsathome.com via tumblr

Dad’s Idea of Buying a Wedding Gown

Posted on March 25, 2014 by Deborah Newell

Not to pick on poor ol’ dad, but let’s face it! Sometimes they don’t see things like moms and their daughters do. Especially when it comes to wedding gown shopping! Not that I’m picking on anyone in particular, you understand…..but if the shoe fits…!

As soon as our bride-to-be (I just like that term!) got her engagement ring, we started talking about wedding gown shopping. We’d look at all the stores here locally, then venture up to Williamsburg, and then on to Richmond, and then probably the Washington, DC and Baltimore areas….oh yeah, we were going to make this THE shopping trip of a lifetime!

We’d take some of the bridesmaids with us on each shopping trip. Of course! Part of their job is helping, isn’t it? And they also have to pick out some bridesmaid dress styles. Oh, yes, I envisioned all of these shopping excursions! Isn’t that a HUGE part of the fun of working with brides? Especially when it’s your own daughter!

Dad just didn’t understand all that. Or so he said.

His first suggestion…since one of our daughter’s best friends got married last year, and they’re the same size, he naturally figured that HER wedding dress would be perfect for Ashley to wear! After all, it’s only been worn once!

Really? Seriously here?

Yes, they’re the same size. Yes, her dress was beautiful. However….her friend is her Matron of Honor. Some of the same guests are attending Ashley’s wedding as attended Shadoe’s. And whether or not they remember the dress, well, it just wouldn’t be quite the same. That’s carrying “something borrowed” just a bit too far! (I do know there are brides who’ve happily done that, but this is not going to happen here.) We’ve actually heard for the past eight months or more about how she can wear her friend’s dress!

It’s not happening, Dad. Get over it! Move on!

Well, he did move on. Next idea was a consignment shop. “They’ve only been worn once. No one will know.” He may or may not have been serious. Then he went on to explain how she could get a $1,500 dress for probably a couple of hundred. And no one would recognize that one, because none of us would know where it came from!

“Really, dad? So you want me to wear someone else’s dress, who might have worn it and then gotten divorced so she’s selling it to make money? Maybe Chris should’ve gotten my ring at a consignment shop!”

Aha! Dad liked that idea and threatened to tell Chris, so he could exchange the ring he’d already given her. Not a wise move. (Dad just hasn’t learned the finer points of negotiating about wedding gowns. You’d think the husband of a wedding planner would MAYBE know a little better….?)

He even suggested that she could RENT a dress. After all, the groomsmen are renting their tuxes! (And up until a few weeks ago I didn’t know there was a place here locally where you could actually do that!) Then you can just return it afterwards. Sometimes he doesn’t know when to give up.

Then he saw a show on TV about a bride-to-be getting her dress at a pawn shop! There was this back room, and there were a bunch of wedding gowns on sale for $99. He was absolutely enthralled! And when the bride-to-be ended up getting her dress for only $49 because it was stained with beer and she had to get it cleaned, well…that just started him off again! Not to mention that the rest of the show dealt with having the ceremony on a basketball court and the reception dinner being twinkies and grilled cheese sandwiches. The whole wedding cost under $500. You could just see the wheels turning….

Should I even mention that he also suggested Ashley could wear the wedding gown I’ve had in storage since 1972? It’s not quite her style, since it’s long sleeves and lacy and heavy and well…a bit dated. But isn’t that why we have them preserved? For our daughters to wear for their weddings?

Fortunately, as you can imagine, our bride-to-be ended up going shopping with me and several of her bridesmaids and found her dress. Her never-worn NEW dress. Unfortunately for me, though, we only went to two stores before she found THE one!

Which has been ordered. And is now ready to be picked up. (But as one of dad’s friends told him…don’t worry, if it hasn’t been altered yet, you can still convince her to return it!)

Sorry, Dad. But I did like the look on your face when she tried it on when we went to pick it up. Aren’t you glad you let her get what SHE wanted?

And isn’t she going to be a beautiful bride?

NOTE: There’s nothing wrong with getting your dress at a consignment shop, borrowing from a friend, or even renting it! Lots of brides happily do that, for various reasons. It’s what YOU want to do. Because it’s YOUR wedding!

Photo Sources: 1st Row: Blackburn Bridal Couture – London – 2nd Row: Personal Files – 3rd Row: Kittyhaw.com- 4th Row: Tradesy.com – 5th Row: Personal Files

The Proposal

Posted on March 21, 2014 by Deborah Newell

March 20 was National Proposal Day. Somehow we missed it until it was a bit too late to get this written and posted on Proposal Day. But better late than never, right?

We’ve heard a lot of great proposal stories….at the ball park with the announcement on the big screen (what if she’d said NO???), in Disney World with Mickey Mouse in the background, on the beach while fireworks were shooting off on the 4th of July, dropping the ring in a glass of champagne (and worrying that she’d swallow it by accident!), etc. We particularly like one in which the guy had t-shirts made for a bunch of their friends, each with a word from the phrase “I love you. Will you marry me?” and everyone putting them on at the same time and lining up while he got down on one knee. These are actually all real stories we’ve heard from friends or actually been a part of.

weddingsonline ie claire durkin photography

There are as many stories about how he proposed as there are engaged couples. Think about it. To be engaged, someone has to ask someone else. And yes, it’s almost always the guy asking the girl.

Now the trend is for someone to secretly photograph the event. Which is usually a bit tricky, because if she sees a photographer or someone with a camera and all of a sudden her boyfriend starts acting a bit strange, well it’s almost a giveaway that there’s something getting ready to go down. And usually the next step is him going down on one knee, and well, you know the rest!

I love hearing stories of how our grooms proposed. It’s one of the first questions I ask. It helps to get to know the couple better, and really gives a lot of insight into how they want their wedding to be.

The trend today for getting engaged, is not just for the guy to buy a ring and present it to her at the right time. Today a lot of proposals are very well thought out and planned in advance. Lots of wedding planners even get involved in planning proposals! While we haven’t done that yet, there’s always a first time!

But back some thirty years ago when my husband and I got engaged, these special event proposals weren’t the trend. In any way, shape or form.

But then again, I do have to say, that my husband has always been very creative, and a bit on the cutting edge, shall we say. And his proposal to me was something I never, ever expected. Sure we’d done the customary looking at a few rings (after all, we’d met at a local mall, and there were a lot of jewelry stores there), but we’d not really talked much about getting married.

The “engagement day” started out like any other typical Monday morning at my office. I was working as a property manager in the Washington, DC area then, and Monday mornings were always office days to catch up on any disasters from the weekend! Monday morning meetings weren’t unusual, either, although I didn’t know there was one scheduled that morning. And I thought my boss was in an unusually good mood, not typical for a Monday morning at all!

But I thought nothing of it. So when he came over to my desk and said we were all getting together in the conference room for a quick meeting, I didn’t think anything about it.

Wrong.

Imagine my surprise when I walked in, and the ENTIRE office was in there. And I was pointed to a chair in the middle of the room full of people and told to sit. Uh oh….what have I done now? Then I saw someone with a camera. I was really worried then.

All of a sudden, the door opens, and here comes a man in a white tux, complete with white bow tie and tails, a white top hat and a cane! (His name was Mr. Wonderful, and was from a company called Eastern Onion! I have a certificate saying that somewhere!) And he came over to me, asked if I were Deborah Chapman, and then said, “I have a message for you from Ben Newell.” Oh. My. Gosh! What now? And before I could even react, he started singing to me about how much Ben loved me, did some dance routine, and then got down on one knee in front of me and said Ben sent HIM to ask if I’d marry him! And he handed me this beautiful ring that we’d been looking at! Do I remember the song? Heck, no! I was in total shock, and speechless, and for those who know me well, you KNOW that is a totally unusual occurrence!

Of course there were pictures being taken, and to this day I have no earthly idea where in the world they are! I would really, really like to see them again!

He ended his routine telling me that Ben was waiting for his answer, and then bowed, and left! While I sat there in shock, and embarrassment (yes!), and wondering what I was supposed to do next, while everyone in the room was applauding and congratulating me! They’d all been in on it, and how they kept it all a secret, I have no idea.

Naturally when I walked out of the conference room, I expected Ben to be there. Well, wouldn’t you? I mean the man had just asked me to marry him! But no, he wasn’t anywhere to be found. OK. Maybe he was at my desk waiting to surprise me. No. OK.

Since it was prior to the days of cell phones and instant contact, all I could do was try to call him at his office. And of course his secretary put me through. I could tell from his voice he’d been expecting my call. And what’s the first thing I say? “Where are you?” Uh….you called me at the office so where do you think I am? “Why aren’t you here?” Why should I be? “I just got a visitor. The one you hired.”

I could hear the smile coming through the phone. “And did you like the visitor?” Of course I did! But why aren’t you here? “Well, I figured you’d call me after he left. What’s your answer?” Well, it’s yes, of course, but did you think I’d say no so you decided not to come in case I that’s what I said? And the ring is beautiful but it needs to be sized!

Oh yeah. I said that. How romantic!

But the rest is history, as the saying goes.

We both still laugh at that story, and it’s been almost thirty years. Ben was certainly ahead of his time in that one. And it’s never been a dull moment since! I may pick on him a lot, but yes, I still love him!

And I’m glad I said “YES!”

Photo Sources: 1st Row: Claire Durkin Photography via weddingsonline.com; via flickr- 2nd Row: diamondsbyeyal.com; jonathonivyphoto.com- 3rd Row: Otta Vianucccio.com; ascotformalwear.com-

Barking Down the Aisle?

Posted on March 18, 2014 by Deborah Newell

What happens when the bride really, REALLY wants to have her dog(s) included in the day’s events?

We know that all those pictures on Pinterest of the brides with their dog on their wedding day are absolutely beautiful. We particularly like the ones that show the dogs as ring bearers (some even with a ring pillow on their collar!) or flower dogs with a wreath of flowers around their collar. You’d never even think that those adorable four-legged balls of fur would ever, EVER, do anything to mess up your wedding day. Right? They just love you and your fiancé so much that they’d never EVER embarrass you!

Apollo Beach Wedding Photographer on Wordpress2

Christine Farah Photography StyleMePretty

Well…not always. In your dreams your dog will walk perfectly down the aisle and go right to you and sit where he/she’s supposed to be. Or your dog is brought in with one of your attendants, walks perfectly down the aisle, and sits/stands right where he/she’s supposed to be through the whole ceremony. That’s the way it’s supposed to go. Right?

pfeiffer_film_photography GreyiIkesWeddings2

lynne-brubaker photography Easton Events

Are you really seriously thinking that? Are we talking a 5 pound Yorkie or an 80 pound Golden Retriever? Or something in between?

Before we continue, let me say this. I love pets. We currently have two dogs, and three cats. They’re part of our family. We’ve had cats and dogs for as long as I can remember. And you know your family is supposed to be part of your wedding day. Right?

Here’s how you imagine it. It’s almost ceremony time. You’ve already had the pre-requisite pictures taken in your beautiful wedding gown with your wonderful golden retriever looking lovingly in your face, maybe even putting his paw in your hand, licking your face, or even posing beside your very fragile bouquet. Then you and your faithful friend go out, and he walks down the aisle (wearing his best wedding bow tie) with one of your bridesmaids and takes his place beside your mom on the front row so he can watch everything. After the ceremony he’s there for more pictures, and you and your groom have some great shots with the dog looking lovingly at both of you. Then there’s the picture where he’s balancing the rings on his nose….

You get the picture, right? That’s in the perfect world.

Who really lives in that perfect world? Who has a dog that’s trained that well to behave like that? Without being on a lot of doggie tranquilizers, that is! And who would want to do that? No matter how well trained your pet is, there are just so many things that can go, well, wrong.

Let’s imagine how it would really go. You’re getting dressed on your wedding day. Just a few hours to go. Your hair and makeup are perfect. Your dress is gorgeous, and fits perfectly. In comes your dog, who sees you and promptly wants to jump on you, because, well, he’s a dog, and he’s excited! Even on a leash, he’s still going to be excited and jumping! And unless you have a little tiny dog, can you imagine what would happen next? And how you’d fix the dress so no one can tell? He or she may be cute and adorable, but at that particular moment, CUTE is not in your vocabulary!

Or let’s say you just want the dog to walk down the aisle and carry something (and please NOT the real rings!). Tied to his collar, of course, because I don’t know any dog that’s going to cooperate enough to carry something in his mouth the whole time without ruining it! Or dropping it along the way. You sure don’t want one of the groomsmen or bridesmaids to be your dog handler, because they’re going to have enough to do, and they certainly won’t want to risk getting their clothes messed up either! (Well maybe a little dog might be more cooperative, but that’s still questionable!) And there certainlly isn’t any guarantee that your flower girl or ring bearer is going to be successful!

Maybe hire a professional dog handler to do it, and hope your four-legged friend cooperates? That’s all well and good, but when Rusty sees everyone sitting there, what’s the first thing he’s going to do besides try to run over to everyone and kiss them? In their good clothes? BARK! And the sound of barking to the wedding music is not exactly something you or your guests are going to enjoy! And if you were to try to have him sitting and watching the ceremony…he’d be thrilled to bark while you’re saying your vows…IF he decides to sit still! And what about when he sees something that distracts him? He BARKS, and wants to go chase after it!

And what if your dog is at an outside ceremony and there’s, well, shall we say, a call of nature???

Pictures afterwards? You have the same situation. Wanting to jump, and now, not only is your dress in danger, so are your flowers, your new husband, and your bridesmaids! And as good as your photographer may be, he/she is going to quickly lose patience trying to get the dog to cooperate…it’s hard enough sometimes with the wedding party! And that’s going to mean most likely your pictures are not going to end up looking like you’d planned!

Not to mention that most venues frown on having animals there, unless it’s an outside venue. If you’re really insisting your dog be a part of your day, ASK before you commit to your location, and be sure it’s in writing! And you certainly don’t want to have the dog attend the reception! After all…..

So….what’s the solution here? You love your dog. You want him or her to be part of your day. But you have to remember, he’s a dog, and he doesn’t understand what’s going on! There’s so much excitement and so many new people, he’s not going to know what to do!

There are other ways to include your dog. Engagement pictures are a great way! You’re not wearing the most expensive dress you’ve ever worn, and there aren’t a zillion people around to distract and excite him/her. Just you and your fiancé and the photographer. And that’s still an interesting time, because he/she is still going to be excited, and trust me, dog cooperation is NOT going to be the rule at the photo shoot! A good photographer can get some good pictures with you both and your dog(s), but they aren’t necessarily going to be what you envisioned! Our daughter’s engagement photographer Amanda Hedgepeth was excellent, and she got some great pictures with the dogs, but they still didn’t cooperate the way Ashley expected them to! (But aren’t they cute?)

The other suggestion, if you really, really want pictures of your dog with you while you’re wearing your gown…do it AFTER your wedding day. You’ll be more relaxed, and not quite as worried about your dress. Your hair may not be quite the same style, and you may need to use a silk bouquet instead of your real flowers, but isn’t that better than risking disaster on your wedding day? You can even make prior arrangements with the tux rental store to have your fiancé keep his tux a few days extra, or he can just wear a suit for the pictures. Either way, it’s still going to accomplish most of what you wanted! You’ll have wonderful wedding photos, and you’ll also have great pictures with your four-legged friend!

And no memories of barking down the aisle! Arf!!

Photo Sources: 1st Row: Apollo Beach Wedding Photographer on WordPress; Christine Farah Photography on StyleMePretty; Flickr from The Cottage Cheese – 2nd Row: RuffledBlog; Pfeiffer Film Photography on GreyLikesWeddings; Lynn Brubaker Photography on EastonEvents – 3rd Row: MichelesCottage on Etsy; Milou and Olin Photography – 4th Row: Source Unknown; HeartLoveWeddings – 5th Row: More.com – 6th Row: Storkie.com; Ira Lipke Studios on InspiredbyThis – 7th Row: WeddingRescueIndustry.com – 8th Row: Amanda Hedgepeth Photography – 9th Row: Source Unknown

Adventures of a Dad at a Bridal Show

Posted on March 13, 2014 by Deborah Newell

As you can very well imagine, as a part-time wedding planner, I’ve attended many, many bridal shows. Some as an exhibitor or to visit other exhibitors, and others with my brides!

A few weeks ago I actually attended one with someone who’s never been to a bridal show before. That would be my husband, the man who’s writing the checks for our daughter’s upcoming wedding! She was sick and I casually asked if he’d like to join me, and he said yes!

Hopefully not an up and coming Father-of-the-Bride “zilla”. He’s been good so far!

And yes, it was quite an adventure, because I never ever thought that almost every booth we stopped at where they didn’t know me, they’d ask us when we were getting married! Really? Well, I guess considering there weren’t many men there other than exhibitors and a few young grooms who seemed to have rather been anywhere but at a bridal show, well, maybe they were thinking they had a great opportunity for a big sale!

We probably should have started going along with them and seeing what they had to say! But we’ll leave that for another time.

If you’ve never taken a guy to a bridal show, much less your husband of almost thirty years, it really is an adventure of sorts. Especially when the first thing he does is ask the ladies at the Maya Couture Bridal booth if they have camouflage vests available with their tux rentals, because he and his future son-in-law want to wear them, even though his daughter doesn’t even want to consider it! (Of course they did, and of course that’s the first thing he said to Ashley when we got home, just so he could start something with her!)

He did like the Ice Art sculpture display and decided our bride and groom needed an ice sculpture deer rather than the carved marlin they’ve already decided on. Yes, our future son-in-law is a hunter; my husband isn’t. That isn’t stopping him! (Somehow hunting and a beach theme don’t go together too well!)

On to more vendors…fortunately he walked past the photographers since that’s already handled, but then he found the DJ booth. By the time we were through with that discussion (even though we later booked these DJ’s because of how much we all liked them!), he’d already planned part of their playlist to include Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” and Blake Shelton’s “The Boys ‘Round Here”. With a bit of Toby’s “Trailerhood” thrown in for good measure! And since these DJ’s are known for their signature hats, he’s already planned to give them camo hatbands to wear….

Time for the bridal fashion show event now. (Getting him away from the vendor booths! Before he found the wedding cake display and inquired about a camo wedding cake!)

At most bridal shows there’s about half an hour of entertainment before the actual event, and of course this was no exception. Ben had never experienced the “before show” show, and he thoroughly enjoyed watching as the DJ’s selected some unsuspecting brides to go onstage and dance to some of the more popular reception songs. (Some of them were actually rather good!) And he really enjoyed their version of “The Newlywed Game”, especially when one of the DJ’s came offstage and asked the audience to ask questions, and he got to ask one!

Of course the highlight of the event for him was when they brought up some of the grooms on stage to dance! One of the “volunteers” was a gentleman probably in his late 60’s, dressed very casually in his jeans and t-shirt, and going by the name of…what else…”Junior”! Well, Junior was amazing, and easily won the contest against all the younger guys. I actually thought Ben was going to try and introduce himself to him, and see if he wanted to talk about adding camo to HIS wedding!

I have to say, though, the hubby really enjoyed the fashion show, and was actually looking at each dress trying to figure out whether Ashley would like it or not. And wondering why they didn’t give the prices out….

And, the highlight of the show was at the end when all of the models came out carrying their bouquets, and tossed them into the audience! Guess who caught one! No, not Ben…but I did! That was a first!

So…since we’re already married…maybe that calls for a vow renewal ceremony? And Ben can have his camo for that!

What are YOUR thoughts?

Bouquets – Beads, Buttons, or…Corks?

Posted on March 12, 2014 by Deborah Newell

Back when our grandparents, and even our parents, got married (or, let’s be honest, that can also include my husband and I and lots of our friends) there was absolutely no doubt about what our wedding bouquets would be…a collection of gorgeous fresh flowers, usually mostly roses, and almost always in white! After all, it was a wedding, and usually the only colors in the wedding party were worn or carried by the bridesmaids!

While I’m not fortunate enough to have photos of my grandparents’ weddings, and I’m not sure there were any photos even taken that long ago, I do have a couple of pictures of my parents’ wedding day, and you can see what her bouquet looked like! They were huge, and gorgeous, yes, but my how times have changed!

Almost thirty years ago when my husband and I were married, I carried a simple arrangement of just five RED roses. Perfect for the small family ceremony we had.

These days, though, brides and florists are much more creative with their bouquets. There’s no right or wrong color/style anymore. Many brides elect to carry arrangements with pops of their wedding colors along with the traditional white flowers, while others will carry bouquets all done completely in their bridesmaids’ colors and have their maids carry all white arrangements. Or each bridesmaid carries a bouquet in matching flowers with different shades of the wedding colors. The variations are endless!

Flowers are not always the bouquets of choice for today’s brides. More and more brides are electing to carry jeweled brooch bouquets which can be placed on permanent display after the wedding, and easily passed on from generation to generation as the “something old” for the bride to carry. Many brides even use jewelry passed on from their mothers and grandmothers and other family members to construct a very special piece just for them, while others commission these bouquets to be custom made, or even make them themselves. Some even use a combination of real flowers with a smattering of jewels!

Don’t worry….these brides also use a smaller “toss bouquet” made from either fresh or silk flowers when it’s time to throw the bouquet! Otherwise, there could be problems!

Buttons are even being used to make bouquets. My grandmother had a huge collection of buttons she’d saved over many years, although I have no idea where those buttons are now. I can only imagine what a bouquet could have looked like made from that collection! Would you like to carry something like this?

Many beach brides elect to carry bouquets either made entirely from seashells, or incorporating sea shells into the overall design…either in a traditional bouquet itself, or even simply carrying a large conch or nautilus shell filled with beautifully arranged flowers.

Since we love flowers here at The Beaded Cork, we came up with our own unique bouquet style, combining beaded corks (what else!) with either silk or fresh flowers to create gorgeous bouquets, with table centerpieces to match.

These are perfect not only for a wine themed wedding, but also add a unique touch to any bouquet for the bride who wants something just a bit different and unique. Beaded cork picks, as well as silk bouquets made with the picks, are available in any number of styles and colors and of course are ready to be inserted into your bouquets by your individual florist.

And of course, coordinating wine cork boutonnieres are also available for the guys in various styles and colors! Or just come up with an idea of your own and we can make it for you!

What ideas can YOU come up with for bouquets and boutonnieres for your special day? Remember…it’s YOUR wedding! Your style.

Now….I’m sensing another new bouquet style waiting to be created. Check back with us!

Photo Sources: Parents Wedding Photo: Personal files – Row of Bouquets: Google Images- Hydrangea Bouquets: AmandaHedgepethPhotography.com – Row of Brooch Bouquets: lilybudsbouquets.com; bluepetyl on etsy; silverstems on etsy- Flowers with jewels: Squidoo.com- Button Bouquets: ABrideLessOrdinary.com – Row of Shell Bouquets: ProjectWedding.com; BoHo Bridal on etsy; liberiangirl1blogspot.com Nautilus: YourWeddingCompany.com-Cork Boutonnieres: Personal Files

Just Living Life

A journal of advice, stories, and ideas from years of living

Yearly Archives: 2014