A Grandmother’s Dream

I guess I’ve been writing so much about baby Rachel lately it was bound to happen again. And it did. With little Rachel’s entry into the world being so close it’s natural to dream about her.

The last time I had such a dream, or should I say the first time, in that dream baby Rachel was probably about 3 months old, because she was a lot bigger than a newborn, and she was holding her head up and looking all around.

In this dream though, she was a newborn, wearing her newborn pink and blue striped hospital cap, and swaddled in her pink and blue striped hospital blanket. She was tiny…tinier than most newborns, it seemed, but then again, I haven’t held many newborns lately. Or should I say I haven’t held my newborn granddaughter yet…except in my dreams.

Like I did a few nights ago. She was so soft, and so adorable! She looked so much like her own mother when she was born almost 28 years ago! I held her in my arms and was instantly in love! She was so beautiful…so tiny…here was my own daughter’s daughter. And I was holding her, cuddling her, and just looking at her in amazement while she looked back at me with enormous blue eyes and smiled the biggest smile I’d ever seen!

Then I was feeding her, and actually using the same baby bottles Ashley had showed me in her kitchen the other day. They certainly weren’t the kind I’d used for Ashley! So…..

However, there were two other parts of my dream I’m still amazed at. Perhaps because of my newest blog series, Letters from the Womb, in which baby Rachel is talking to her mommy, my subconscious mind was working overtime. Because in my dream I was having a conversation with my NEWBORN granddaughter, who was actually talking to me. In sentences. She was telling me she was hungry, and then she suddenly started talking about my mother. Her great grandmother. Who’s been gone almost ten years.

Now imagine how I felt when I turned my head, still holding baby Rachel, and I clearly saw my own mother sitting beside me. Little Rachel was talking to her as well, in fact they were planning a birthday party and giggling like two little kids!

So this sounds strange to you? Not to me, if you look at this dream with your spiritual eyes, rather than your earthly eyes.

You see, my granddaughter is being named after my mother, Ashley’s grandmother. My mother was a very important part of my daughter’s life, and losing her was terribly difficult for Ashley. You can read more about this in Another Rachel.

For several months after my mother passed away, I’d have dreams about her. Dreams in which she was still very much alive, still living in her own home. The dreams were so real I would wake up shaking, because for a few moments I thought they were real, and I was actually wondering how to tell her I’d given her clothes away, and how to tell her we’d buried her next to my father.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Jeremiah 1:5

But this dream was different. Instead of being upset that my mom thought she was still alive when she wasn’t, in this dream seeing and hearing her talk to a newborn baby was quite natural. Because babies are a gift from the Lord. This speaks to me that our unborn babies’ spirits are living in heaven before their spirits are sent to live in their mother’s body, in the new life being created within her.

And since my own mother is living in heaven, I have no doubt she and my granddaughter have had many opportunities to connect and get to know each other. I have no doubt that baby Rachel communicated with my mother in the language of angels that is spoken in heaven.

And I have no doubt my mother is as thrilled and excited about our new granddaughter who is about to enter the world as we are! Because she already knows so much more about this little one than we do.

As I write this we are about five weeks away from meeting our granddaughter. My mother has already met her; talked with her; laughed with her; encouraged her; and loved her. Baby Rachel will bring a small part of her great-grandmother back into the world with her, along with her own unique personality and gifts the Lord has bestowed upon her.

I know when I look at this newborn baby for the first time, hold her, and look into her eyes, I will sense just a tiny part of my own mother’s love. All the way from heaven.

Thank you, Lord, for that wonderful dream!

I Really Miss You, Mom

This was actually written on November 16….. However, it is so totally true……

There are some times I miss you more than others, Mom. Today was one of those days.

Even though you’re no longer here, I truly believe you know that your granddaughter Ashley and her long-time boyfriend Chris were married a little over six months ago. I wish you could’ve met him. I know you’d love him as much as we all do. They’re absolutely perfect for each other. They have the same temperament. The same likes and dislikes. They balance each other.

I knew from the first few dates they had, that they’d end up together permanently. There really wasn’t any doubt.

Although some may think I’m a bit crazy, I believe you and Daddy, and the rest of our family who are with you in heaven, were given the gift of seeing their wedding. There were times that day I felt your presence so strongly….like you were there giving them your blessing, as you squeezed my dad’s hand and told him how proud you were of your granddaughter…how much you loved her. Did you see the charm on her bouquet? With that picture of you and her in your kitchen…with her sunburned face as she smiled at you? That’s one of her favorite pictures of the two of you.Bouquet Charm

Today was a special day, and one that I would have so loved to have shared with you. I’m sure you already know that our baby, your granddaughter, and my daughter, is having a baby of her own. I’m sure you knew it before I did, and probably before Ashley and Chris did. In fact, as Ashley said earlier, you already know whether it’s a boy or a girl. And you’re not telling us, either.

A few weeks ago Ben and I were able to join Ashley and Chris as we saw the first ultrasound of our grandchild. That was an awesome moment. Watching the two of them as they saw the first glimpse of that new life they created…I cannot even begin to express my thoughts. Ben and I were both a bit teary eyed. Ashley and Chris were just amazed. It was still a bit hard to believe.

But today. A month later, it was so different. It was just Ashley and me in that ultrasound room. Chris was at work, and so was Ben. I watched as the technician moved that wand around on my daughter’s belly, and that little darling grandchild of ours…your great-grandchild…was there just lounging around. Once in a while the legs would kick, or the arms would wave. This time, that little baby who’s only an inch and a half long, was clearly visible as a baby. A new life…not just a collection of cells, but a little person coming into being.
Ultrasound
I so would have loved to tell you how I felt…to share that moment with you. I wanted the three of us…three generations…to be involved. I wondered how you’d felt when you found out I was having a baby. How you felt knowing your baby was having a baby of her own. Because that’s all I could think about. My baby that I carried for nine months was now carrying a baby of her own.

Jeremiah 1:5 tells us “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…” The Lord already knows all about this little person. What he or she will look like. What he or she will do with their life. And I believe the Lord has already filled you in, Mom, on all of it. And you and Daddy are even more excited about all that your first great grandchild will be. And you’re excited for all of us as well!

Yes, today was one of those days I have missed you more than I can even express, because there are just those times that I need my mom to talk to and share special moments with.

Mom, even though I can’t tell you in person, I just want you to know how excited I am. I think I can finally almost imagine how you felt when Ben and I told you that you were finally going to be a grandmother.

I just wish I could share it all with you in person. I love you, Mom. And I miss you…

November 16, 2015

A Letter to our Daughter and Son-in-Law

Our daughter and her husband are having a baby! We’ve known for several weeks and have been wanting to share their news with the world. And now we finally can!

I actually wrote this several weeks ago, and have patiently (well not really patiently) waited until I was given permission to make the news public.

To Ashley and Chris:

You’re having a baby! There are a million thoughts going through your minds right now. Joy, excitement, wonder…and let’s face it, I’m sure just a little bit of fear. Especially with your first one.

There’s so much to think about. Now that you’ve told your family, how are you going to tell your friends? What will he/she look like? How are you going to decorate the nursery? How is your life going to change? And how in the world can you possibly get everything ready before he/she gets here?

But there’s something else you need to think about…the wonder of actually having created a new life; a new person. There’s actually a very tiny living being inside of a mother-to-be. And for nine months, Mom will be carrying that other person inside of her, nourishing him/her, and looking forward to the day when that little person actually arrives and is placed in your arms. Leaving the safety of Mom’s body and entering a whole new world. There’s nothing like it!

The wonder of all of this struck me one morning driving to work as the Lord gave me this verse and asked me to write this for you.

Jeremiah 1:5 – “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…” (NIV)

The Lord already knows this baby. He knew this baby before he/she was even conceived. He knows if it’s a boy or a girl, his/her name, what he/she will look like, what his/her personality will be. He knows the struggles as well as the triumphs he/she will face in life. He knows what career he/she will have, and where he/she will live. He even already knows who your baby will marry and how many children he/she will have one day.

Imagine the enormity of all of that. The wonder of the Lord is amazing. Here you are, just discovering you’re going to be parents, and the Lord already knows all about this little being who’s only the size of a lime right now. He knows his/her total future. He has plans for him/her. And He will make sure those plans are fulfilled, even if he/she gets off track. And He personally selected YOU to be his/her parents. How totally amazing is that?

Most likely you haven’t thought of all of this; at least not yet. There’s too many other thoughts going through your heads.
But the Lord is amazing, and He has gifted you two with a wondrous and precious gift…a gift He created just for you.

Dad and I cannot wait to meet our first grandchild! We love you all!