Recently we’ve been reading about a growing trend that evidently started in Europe about sending out, for lack of a better term, “You’re Not Invited’s”! Personally, I cannot imagine any of our brides doing that, and we would most definitely advise them against it!

A subtle bit of advice, of course. With one of my not-so-quiet “are you out of your mind??” responses!

To me, this seems to suggest the classic touch of a bride-zilla. However, the more I read, the more it seems that more couples today are actually doing this, either by email, text messages, private Facebook messages, or even asking their wedding planners to call certain people and tell them, well, they aren’t going to be invited!

Since that particular item isn’t listed in any of our packages as being part of our services, we would definitely need to negotiate that one! Hurting people’s feelings, or insulting others, isn’t on our list of responsibilities. How would you feel if you got a call like that?

Drawing up your wedding guest list seems like a simple matter, but it’s definitely not the easiest task involved in the wedding planning. Unless you have an unlimited budget, and we haven’t met anyone yet who does, there are going to be people you’d like to invite, but just can’t. Your venue can’t accommodate but so many people, and neither can your budget. Sounds simple, right? Until you get started. Suddenly you find you have a lot more family than you thought, and a whole lot of friends that you really want to be there.

More than you can afford. More than your venue can accommodate. And your wedding planner can’t write out your guest list for you. We don’t know your friends and family. We don’t know the in’s and out’s of your relationships. So it’s up to the two of you! We just need a copy.

Now, you don’t want to invite your ex-boyfriend’s mother, even though you still like her. Nor do you want your friend Greg to bring his current girlfriend, because she happens to be your fiancé’s ex-girlfriend. And it wouldn’t be a good idea to have your aunt’s ex-husband there, even though you’re still sort of friends, because she’s coming and bringing her current boyfriend. And good heavens, your fiancé’s father is divorced and dating someone almost no one likes, and his mother will be upset to see him with the woman he left her for, and you really don’t want her to come either, but how do you avoid it?! Unless you elope?

Hmmm. Maybe these “you’re not invited’s” aren’t such a bad idea after all?

(We actually did find an example of a “you’re not invited” that we can see as almost fairly acceptable. It sort of combines an announcement with an explanation. What do you think?)

But that’s the only example we found after searching for a couple of weeks. What does that tell you?

So what do you do when someone starts asking you about your wedding, and you naturally start talking about all the plans you’ve made so far, and then that person tells you how much they’re looking forward to being there? And they’re not on your list. You hadn’t even considered it. Do you tell them you haven’t even THOUGHT about the guest list yet? Oh, wait, you already mentioned something about that in the conversation…

You can always blame their not being included on your future husband/wife. “He/She just has too many relatives!” “We divided up the wedding tasks and he/she is in charge of the guest list. Not me.” “My parents are paying for everything and they’re in charge of the guest list. I don’t even know who’s on it.” Really?

“A-list” and “B-list” guests? If someone on the “A-list” can’t make it, do you have an extra back-up invitation or two you can send out to the first one on your “B-list”?

There’s actually no easy solution to any of this. There are some rules to follow, though, like only sending out Save the Date’s to people who are actually INCLUDED on the guest list. Or inviting friends to the bridal shower who are actually going to be invited to the wedding! You don’t want someone thinking that you think they’re good enough to buy you a gift, but not good enough to be at the wedding and reception itself! (Which is basically what you’re saying, isn’t it?)

And when you send out the actual invitations, be sure you make it perfectly clear whether it’s ok for your single friends to include a date, and whether your friends’ children are invited or not. (That’s a whole other topic!) Because that can add up to problems as well.

Bottom line solution….make your list. Check it twice. Or more. Yes, you’re stuck with some of the obnoxious relatives you really would rather not be there, but then again, it’s YOUR wedding, and you deserve to have it [mostly] like you want when it comes to the guest list.

And please…don’t go out and buy a set of non-invitations that look like invitations to send out when you send your real invitations. I mean, you’re trying to cut costs? You just added them! And gave the “B-list” people something else to complain about when they’re talking to the “A-list” people.

And for goodness’ sake…don’t make a “C-list”!

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