There are Many Different Ways to Love

In fact, there are as many different ways to love as there are people in the world. No two relationships can ever be the same. Love is as different as the people who feel it.

If every relationship were the same, there’d be no reason for love stories. And who doesn’t like a good love story?

A failure in one relationship doesn’t mean the next one will be the same way. Because each relationship is different. The next person you may end up in a relationship with isn’t the one you were with previously. You really aren’t the same person you were in that relationship because you change slightly as well with each relationship.

Never say “never again.’

You may think you know what “true love” is, but no one really does. Because it’s different for everyone. 

True love can also happen more than once. I know, we’ve all heard the stories about “he/she was the love of my life; my soulmate. I’ll never find anyone else like him/her.”

No, you won’t. That’s true. Re-read the first three paragraphs. That doesn’t mean you can’t find love again. If you let it happen. But that doesn’t mean you look for someone just the same as the person you lost. Because everyone is different; sure they may like the same things, the same foods, the same books, etc. They may even look similar, have similar goals in life. 

But they aren’t that same person. Looking for someone exactly like your “soulmate” can never turn out to be finding the same person as you had and lost. Because we’re all different in some ways, which makes each relationship unique.

Love isn’t always perfect. The happily ever after fairy tales we believed in as children are unfortunately just that. Fairy tales. Even true love has its ups and downs. No relationship and no one has a perfect day with no arguments, no bickering, and nothing going wrong.

Loving someone means accepting the good times, the fun times, as well as the bad times. Because in any relationship there will be bad times. 

That’s not saying we forgive everything that goes wrong, because there are certain things in a relationship that truly cannot be forgiven; a cheating spouse, for one. A lying spouse whose lies are so bad, so deeply hidden until accidentally discovered, that the relationship cannot continue.

But when you are truly with the right person, he/she would not do the unthinkable to ruin that relationship. And you are not the cause of their indiscretions.

But true love is always worth it. Don’t overtry to make it happen. It will happen when it happens, when it’s right, and it will be worth the wait. And yes, you’ll know when it’s right.

Party at the End of the Bridge

Somehow they all knew. They knew who was coming and they knew when. The guest of honor didn’t know of course, but then again, they never did.

But the other residents of that land just beyond the Rainbow Bridge knew, and as is the custom, the pets already there were waiting for their special friends to join them and welcome them to their new home; to make them feel loved and special until their earthly owners came to get them to take them with them to THEIR forever heavenly home.

And today was no different from any other welcome home party at the end of the Rainbow Bridge. The only thing different was who the guest of honor the party was for, and of course who was planning it, and who would be attending.

You see, every beloved pet who crosses over the Rainbow Bridge has a welcoming party with his or her friends who have already crossed over. It’s a tradition that’s been going on as long as the Bridge has been around, which is a very, very long time. Pets come and go all the time because as we said earlier, they leave and join their former earthly family eventually in their eternal home, but until that day happens, these beloved pets enjoy a life of pure happiness, playing in meadows, chasing birds and squirrels, playing with favorite toys, swimming…all the things they enjoyed previously with their earthly family. Only now they’re healthy and pain free, able to do and eat anything they want.

Today’s big party was for a special golden retriever. His best friend Rudder knew he was coming, and he was planning the party. Rusty’s favorite thing to do was swimming in his owners’ parents’ pool with Rudder, so this party was going to be held at one of the many luxurious swimming pools available in the land beyond the Bridge. He couldn’t wait to welcome his old friend and find out how their earthly family was doing. Rusty’s friend Samantha was also helping plan the party, and there were lots of other furry friends attending, including Rusty’s litter mates who he hadn’t seen since he was adopted 11 years ago.

What a celebration it would be!

Rudder and his friends made sure the pool was sparkling clean. They hung balloons all around. They even had a huge sign that said “Welcome Rusty”! There were presents, too. Tennis balls, golf balls since he liked to chew those, stuffed chew toys that he could chew and destroy like he did before. There was a little garden with freshly planted bushes that he could dig up, just like he used to do that so irritated his family. 

And then there was the food. His favorite dog treats, bowls of ice cream, along with a huge cake, just waiting for him to smash into and share with his friends!

The dogs looked at their handiwork and knew it was ready for him. They all lined up, with Rudder and Samantha in the front. Waiting expectantly.

And then…the Rainbow Bridget began to light up, like it does when a new pet comes across. The dogs held their breath and watched.

And then Rusty came across it. A smile on his face. Walking easily. His fur was clean and shiny. His eyes were bright. His teeth shiny white, as they held a tennis ball he’d already picked up along the way.

He saw Rudder and his other friends and ran to them, and what a reunion it was!

“This is all for you,” Rudder explained. “Here we’re all happy, healed, and pain free. We play with each other while we wait. I’ve missed you,” he added.

“I’ve missed you, too,” Rusty said. “And they haven’t forgotten you. They miss you as well.”

“We’ll be with them again,” Rudder explained. “But for now, we play, we have a great time together, and we go swimming!”

Rusty looked around and saw the huge pool. He took off running and jumped in, just like he used to do with his family. He was so happy. The other dogs joined him and soon the pool was full of wet splashing dogs, having the time of their new lives.

The Rainbow Bridge seemed to smile at them as it waited for the next visitor to come across. It’s a happy place, you know. Where all of our beloved pets go while they wait for us.

To Rusty, and Rudder, and all our wonderful pets who are living there now…we miss you, but we will be with you again. Until that time, enjoy your new temporary home. While we remember you in these pictures.

A Relationship

Takes two people who genuinely care about each other. 

Is only successful when each party makes time for the other

Means taking time for your significant other. Listening to them. Doing things together. Not making excuses.

Shouldn’t be difficult to maintain. And should never be taken for granted.

Shouldn’t always be a case of “we’re working things out.”

Doesn’t mean hanging on because there’s nothing else right now.

Comes naturally between two people. You either want to be together or you don’t.

Takes two people who care about each other. When one stops caring and taking time for the other person there’s no more relationship.

Cannot be forced.

Often ends. And it’s usually for the best. Because it wasn’t the right one.

Each of Us Lives a Storied Life

What story are you living?

A love story?

A tragedy?

A mystery?

A hero/heroine story…helping others, fixing things, coming to someone’s rescue?

Fulfilling your lifelong ambition to do something special?

Is there a love interest, or a potential one?

Or something else altogether?

There are as many different types of stories as there are genres of books, and I didn’t even list all the genres I’ve been known to read. Many of those genres also incorporate bits of other genres, just to make it interesting.

What happens when your personal story gets boring? When you decide you need a new plot line. Is it a story that can easily change, or will it take a lot of time and effort? And are you ready…and willing…to do it?

Think about this. Every day we can choose a new plot line in our personal story. Is it one you’re going to follow up on, or will you erase it the next day and start over?

Who is narrating your story? Is it you, or are you looking at it through someone else’s eyes?

Are you making it truthful or embellishing it? Telling others things that aren’t really exactly the way they really are.

Chances are, your story is actually a series, rather than just one volume, one particular story line. How many books do you think it would fill?

And even more importantly, what part of your life would you start your story in? Would you write the ending differently than your actual life?

I know exactly what story I’d write about my life because I’ve thought about it often. I’ve even plotted out parts of, but haven’t quite figured out the ending yet, because it won’t be what really took place. It’s something I’ve thought about for many years, and maybe it’s time to try my hand at writing it. And no, I’m not giving any hints.

What about you? What’s your particular story? Would you like to change that story? You can, you know. 

It’s your story. And your choice.

You Can’t Change the Past

But you can make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

The memories will always be there, though. Memories of what was, what will never be again. Memories of happier times, or memories of what you wish had never happened.

Those memories are part of us, and they make us who we are. Who we’ve become. 

Sometimes they’ve made us better. Sometimes they’ve put us in a dark place that it seems we can’t escape from.

Sometimes we take those memories and change them around in our minds so that we’ll have a happier ending. It’s our way of escaping the past, and in many cases, trying to make certain memories less painful by giving them a better ending.

But the reality eventually seeps back in and the real memories are still there. And you realize memories are a truth we can’t change.

Hindsight isn’t just a matter of timing; it’s a matter of wisdom that’s gained with experience. You can stay stuck in the place you are in, reliving every moment of hurt and pain over and over until it consumes you, or you can choose to pull yourself out of that place and start living your life again. 

No, it won’t be the same. You’re not the same. People around you have continued to move on with their lives, while you’re still stuck in the past and afraid or unwilling to join them.

Who you were is not necessarily who you are now. And do you really want to continue living in the past forever?

Because it’s really not a fun place to be. 

Let the past be the past. It’s time for you to live in the here and now and look ahead to your future.

What are you waiting for? 

We All Have a Past

Yes, we do. All of us. We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of. But most of us move on from them, learn from them, and don’t repeat them.

We don’t talk about those things, and we certainly hope no one else does either. Many times very few people even know about them. They may have happened at a time in our life many years ago, and either no one ever knew about them, or the people that did know, and may have been affected by them, aren’t in our lives any more. 

It may be something others did to us, something we’ve had a really tough time putting behind us. We may have kept it secret, or have shared it with friends. But it still happened.

Or it may be something we did, bad decisions we made, things we’re really embarrassed over that we hope no one ever finds out about.

Most of us go on with our lives, build careers, raise families, and are happy with who we are. We have friends who love us and respect us. We put our past behind us and don’t repeat the mistakes, and don’t keep pulling it out and reminding ourselves about those awful things we did at another time. We’ve forgiven ourselves, and we’ve been forgiven.

But there are many others who cannot do that. They continue to dwell on past mistakes, past errors, past indiscretions. They cannot forget the things they did wrong, usually many years ago. They blame these past mistakes on perceived failures in their current lives, and feel like they’re getting what they deserve. They have no self-confidence because they’re too busy telling themselves how bad, how undeserving they are.

Or they continue to look back on the things that happened to them, the wrongs that were done to them, the people who treated them wrong, and instead of placing the blame on the ones who hurt them, find a way to blame themselves for others treating them that way.

Really? Why? Not everything bad that happens in your life is your fault!

Misplaced guilt is a prison you put yourself in. There’s no parole; it’s a life sentence. There are visiting hours, but the visitors go home, back to their own lives while you continue living in the prison of despair you’ve created for yourself.

The only way out is escape! And escape isn’t the easiest thing in the world.

It requires planning. It requires help from those who aren’t in that prison. And it requires confidence.

Because if you don’t have the confidence to think you can escape, chances are no matter how hard you think you’re trying, you won’t succeed. Because you just won’t let yourself break loose from the chain that keeps you tethered to your past.

It’s sort of a misplaced safety net. You know the past all too well, but the future is an unknown. And you’re not sure you can deal with it.

But if you don’t move on, move forward, the past will start to repeat itself, and then where will you be except back in the same place you were years ago. And that’s not what you want.

Keep in mind that you’re probably the only one who really cares about what mistakes you made in the past.

And you don’t have to tell everyone you meet your entire life story. At least not right away. And unless it’s something so bad they can find out about it in a police report, what does it matter?

You weren’t the same person then as you are now. They probably have things in their past they don’t want anyone to know either.

We all have a past. We’ve learned from it. It’s time to let it go and move on with your life.

Endings Are Only Beginnings

But sometimes it’s very difficult – almost impossible – to believe it. It certainly doesn’t feel like a beginning when something ends.

But otherwise how can something begin if something else doesn’t end to give the beginning a chance to begin?

You might want to read that sentence again.

We all have something we’re struggling with; something we know we need to give up, but we still keep hanging on. Why? There are lots of reasons, but here are the main ones:

We think things will improve.

We don’t want to hurt anyone.

We don’t like change.

We’re afraid of the unknown.

They’re all valid fears. But…change is a necessary part of life. Change is required to grow.

But change isn’t fun. Neither is uncertainty. And that’s the really scary part. We feel backed into a corner, with no means of escape. No way to make our life better.

No place to run and hide. No place to go to where our life will be settled again. No one to go and hide with, or to make the problems easier because there’s no one there to help us. Something in our life has ended, and we just can’t go on any longer.

It’s just us…against the world. Us beginning to fight our way out of the hole we think we’re in. Us trying to claw our way out of a dark and lonely place we think won’t get better no matter what we do. We just can’t see how we’re going to get out of this place we find ourselves in. The ending has happened and there’s no way we can turn it around.

Or is there?

Remember, endings are also beginnings.

Love After Divorce

Lots of us have been through it. 

Some of us more than once.

It may be a divorce we wanted, or a divorce that was thrust upon us. But it still happened. 

Some of us were the ones who left the marriage, for various reasons. Falling out of love. An affair. Abuse. Growing apart. Legal issues, sometimes resulting in arrests and jail time. Alcoholism or drug or gambling addictions.

Some of us were left by a cheating spouse. Were left with huge debts by that spouse. Were abandoned along with our children. Were totally unaware of what was happening until it happened.

And these aren’t all the reasons. There are as many reasons for divorces as there are actual divorces. No two cases are ever the same.

The road back to normalcy after divorce isn’t easy. Those of us who think it will be, usually the ones who instigate the divorce, soon discover that it’s not necessarily that simple.

No matter which end of the divorce you’re on, life changes. It’s a difficult change. Sometimes it’s a relief; sometimes we feel it’s the end of our life as we know it.

Sometimes it’s hard to trust again after that. Adjusting to being newly single isn’t easy. At first we may be relieved, but eventually the loneliness sets in.

And we don’t know what to do about it.

Many newly divorced people think finding a new partner will be easy. After all, now you’re free, and there’s nothing to stop you.

Except you don’t know where to start. And quickly become discouraged, especially when your single friends find someone new, leaving you still alone.

That’s when you start trying too hard. And it’s usually obvious. You’re ready to go out with anyone who asks you. You try to be interested in them if they show even the least bit of interest in you. Whether you’re really interested or not. 

After all, isn’t someone better than no one?

Is it? Is it really?

Or the one you thought was really going to be a keeper gradually seems to start losing interest, doesn’t come around as often, or makes excuses for canceling dates.

Or maybe you start feeling that way, but either don’t want to hurt the other person, or don’t want to give up until you have someone else sort of waiting.

Love after divorce isn’t always what you think it should be.

But take these words of advice. Divorce is hard. But it’s sometimes necessary. It takes time to recover whether you wanted it or the other person wanted it.

You aren’t going to necessarily be ready for a relationship for a while, at least not a serious one. Why? You have to heal, whether you realize it or not. There’s a lot to come to terms with, and usually the longer the marriage, the longer the time for healing. 

And that healing can’t totally be accomplished when you’re in another relationship. Give yourself time. Rushing into something you know may not be right will only result in more heartbreak.

Where are you in this process? Are you really ready for love after that divorce, or are you trying to make something happen that shouldn’t be happening yet?

My personal advice? Don’t try to make something happen, don’t try to work things out every couple of months. When it’s time, and when it’s right, you’ll know it. You can’t make something happen that’s not supposed to happen.

And you’ll be glad you waited.

White Lace and Promises, Part 3

You’ve now read about her two bad marriages; the second by far much more disastrous than the first. It’s no wonder that the last thing she wanted after that ordeal was another man anywhere near her, let alone a boyfriend or a husband!

Marriage, she’d decided, wasn’t all it was made out to be. At least in her case. Although she still thought about having a family, it sure seemed like that was something that just wasn’t in her future. And right then she was ok with it.

She had a job she really liked, her family was supportive of her, and actually relieved she’d gotten away from the second man she’d married without serious injuries. Or worse.

And yes, most of her childhood friends were still married and had several kids, but right now she wasn’t spending her time envying what they had and what she didn’t.

And she felt free. Her priorities had changed, and she was ready to concentrate on making herself happy BY HERSELF for a change. It was time to pursue new interests; new hobbies,

She’d always been interested in photography, so she bought herself a new camera and decided to learn to take better pictures. One day she was walking around the mall where she worked and one of the store managers asked her where she was going. She told him the zoo, and he said if she’d wait another hour he’d go with her. 

Absolutely not! “I’m going now and going by myself. This is my day off!” Before her second divorce, if she’d been single, she’d have jumped at the offer. How far she’d come! She didn’t need, or want, a man in her life right now! And she was learning to have a great time by herself!

That next week, though, she noticed the same guy seemed to be popping up around her. Having lunch near her table in the food court. Standing outside the store when she’d walk by delivering memos to some of the businesses. Good grief, was he stalking her?! That’s all she needed.

A few more weeks went by. One day she saw him talking to her boss and they acted like they were having a really important conversation. She didn’t know what to think, especially when her boss said something about what a nice guy he was, and he really wanted to talk to her about some advertising ideas for the mall. Well, that sounded harmless. She was always ready to talk about new ideas,

Then one day he walked into the office, a smile on his face as usual, and asked her if she’d had lunch yet, and if not, how’d she like to go with him and talk about some ideas he had. 

What could it hurt? Business was business.  So she agreed. 

But lunch was anything but what she expected. They spent the majority of their time talking, but not about marketing the mall. He told her about his background, how he arrived in that city from across the country, and asked her all kinds of questions about herself. And she didn’t feel pressured, controlled, or being interrogated like her ex-husband made her feel.

They had a great time, and then he took her for ice cream before heading back to work. They still hadn’t discussed any marketing ideas. 

Later she realized he was marketing himself to her! Which actually worked! But it was way too soon for her to get involved with anyone after her last disaster of a marriage.

Right? 

But still, he kept pursuing her. Yes, they eventually did talk marketing ideas, and he was a big help in planning some of the mall events, and even videotaping a lot of them for her. 

Eventually things progressed from him being just another marketing consultant to, well the two of them becoming a couple. And they moved in together. He’d been married once before, and we know what she’d experienced. Naturally they were both a bit hesitant to contemplate anything else. They talked about it once in a while but neither was ready to seriously discuss it. They were happy the way things were.

Until one morning when there was an unexpected staff meeting at her office. She didn’t think much about it, though, until she walked in the room and was asked to sit in the middle of the room while everyone else was seated around the conference table. That couldn’t be good….  

Her boss stood up and said, “Now that we’re all here, we have something special taking place this morning.” And he looked right at her.

As the conference room door opened, music began to play, and a man in a white tux, white top hat, and a white cane came dancing into the room, right over to her, and kneeled in front of her. She was…

Nervous. Embarrassed. And totally thinking everyone had lost their mind. What was going on?

He introduced himself and said his name was Mr. Wonderful, her boyfriend had sent him, and then he started singing. A marriage proposal. He ended it by grabbing her hand, and telling her her boyfriend was waiting for a phone call with her answer. And then he danced out.

The room burst into applause. She sat there speechless until her boss said, “What are you waiting for?! Go call the man!”

She walked out of the room in a daze; her head was spinning. She thought she was imagining things and then realized she wasn’t.

And of course she called him and told him yes!

This time, though, she was going to do things differently. After two formal weddings that had had disastrous endings, this one was going to be different. 

Small. Simple. She was more concerned about the marriage itself and what it meant, rather than another wedding.

No white lace this time. An off-white suit for her. Instead of a large white bouquet, a few red roses. Instead of a church with organ music, they were married in her mother’s home in front of the fireplace, with her cousin playing the piano. Just family and a few close friends.

This time, there were no “what if’s”, no cold feet or nervousness. Just promises that would be kept. In sickness and in health. Forever. She knew it wouldn’t always be easy, but it was going to be worth it

And 37 years later, they’re still married and still in love.

If you haven’t had the chance, be sure to read the first two installments of White Lace and Promises, published on January 31 and February 7.

White Lace and Promises, Part 2

You read about her first marriage, that first wedding. How she had all the feelings that it wasn’t right, except she just couldn’t bring herself to cancel it all and remain a “Miss” rather than becoming a “Mrs.”

At the time of that first wedding, she thought adult life was supposed to start with marriage, then a job of some sort, and then kids. That was the way it was back then, in the early 70’s.

But it wasn’t that way for everyone. And when you try too hard to make things work, you discover that if things are meant to be, they will be. And if they’re not, well, life has a way of letting you know.

And that’s what happened with her. Divorce. The first in her family. She was relieved it was over, but more concerned how her family would feel. But they loved her, and they reassured her that it was ok; things would work out. And that mistakes had a way of turning things right again. 

But sometimes it takes a while for that to happen.

The freedom she’d initially felt was quickly replaced by loneliness. Most of her friends were still happily married and having kids. A lot of her single friends were in relationships. She became restless, unhappy, and wanted a change. Any kind of change that would allow her to start her adult life over again. And hopefully not make the same mistakes.

So she found a new job in a different city, and made the big move, some two hours away from her hometown. Close enough to be with family when she needed to see them, but far enough away to start her life over.

And maybe, hopefully, she’d find the man who’d make her happy; the guy who’d sweep her off her feet, and give her the life she so desperately wanted. Who’d erase the loneliness she felt and want a life together with her. As a wife, and then eventually a mother. But she was careful to never voice those hopes and dreams to anyone, in case none of it came true.

She’d found a good job in her new city, and slowly met new people. People at work, and a few in her apartment complex. But no one really interesting. No one she could even begin to get close to. 

Had she made another mistake by moving there?

Then one day a young detective walked in her office. He was there investigating a break-in at a nearby business. They had a brief conversation about the case, and then ended up going to lunch together.

Over the next few months they casually dated off and on. She hadn’t really met anyone else. And they just sort of drifted into a relationship. 

It wasn’t one without problems, however, and as time went by there were arguments. But somehow they always worked them out. Eventually. And she figured all couples must go through times like that. 

Didn’t they?

They started talking about marriage. Something inside her started saying “be careful”. But surely she wouldn’t make another mistake, would she? After all, everyone has problems that need to be worked out.

And they did love each other. At least she thought so. And she accepted a ring. That later she found out he’d bought for someone else, and took back when they’d called things off. But of course that was something she didn’t discover until a lot later. 

Once again a wedding dress was bought, flowers were ordered, and a small reception was planned. Maybe she shouldn’t have another formal wedding, she thought, but she was determined this would be the one for keeps.

But the morning of the wedding they had another argument. And it took over an hour for him to apologize. That should’ve been enough to call it off, but she didn’t. She convinced herself it was going to be fine.

And it was. For about 3-4 weeks until the arguments started again. Over little things. She wasn’t home from work on time (never mind that traffic was backed up). He worked too hard during the week and was too tired to help her around the house (even though she worked full time as well). 

He didn’t like the way she answered one of his questions. He found something around the house that had her previous married name on it and accused her of wanting to get back with her ex-husband (really)??

Then he started pushing her around when he was mad. A couple times he pushed her so hard she fell on the floor. And he accused her of faking it. 

And of course every time he got mad it was her fault because she said or did something wrong. After all, he was the man of the house and what he said was what would be done.

She knew she had to leave, before she was seriously hurt, but was embarrassed to tell her family. And afraid what people would think. That she was to blame for another broken marriage. Surely something was wrong with her!

So she hesitated. Until the evening he got so mad at her he pushed her and she fell down the stairs. Fortunately she didn’t break anything but ended up in a cervical collar for several days, which of course he said she was only doing to make people feel sorry for her! 

That was finally enough. She secretly found an apartment away from where they were living, made arrangements to move her things, which was most of their furniture since he hadn’t had much of his own. She called an attorney and filled out separation papers.

When she confronted him about her leaving he was furious. She was scared he’d attack her again, so she’d arranged for a couple she’d become friends with to drop by and say they thought they’d see if they could all go out to eat. That most likely prevented her from being hurt again, because he stormed out and left. The people she’d arranged to get her things came by, moved them out, and she was gone.

She’d been married to him for eleven long months.

Fortunately he never looked for her, and surprisingly didn’t try to go by where she worked. Probably he knew she’d have told the security guards what happened, and they’d be on the lookout for him. And thankfully she never heard from him again.

“Now what?” she asked herself. “Where do I go from here?” Once again, the white lace and promises had been forgotten. In fact the lace had been ripped apart and the promises smashed under her soon-to-be ex-husband’s heel.

Be sure to read White Lace and Promises, Part Three, to be published on February 10.

White Lace and Promises, Part 1

When she was in college in the late 60’s, early 70’s, it seemed all of her friends were getting married. Several of her high school classmates had met their future husbands while still in school, went to proms with them, graduated with them, and the next step was naturally walking down the aisle in that white dress and lace veil with a bouquet of white roses. Walking into their forever.

She thought she’d be one of those girls as well. But then the boyfriend she’d had her junior year moved away, although he’d promised they’d stay in touch, and he’d be back to see her; they’d still be together. Then the letter came explaining he’d met another girl in his new city and crushed her dreams.

And she wasn’t interested in dating for a while. 

It was different in college. Everyone was spending time with groups of new friends rather than becoming couples. For a while. Then those college friends started finding that special someone they wanted to spend their lives with. One day they were college girls hitting the books and studying hard for that degree, and the next they were wearing a shiny diamond and pouring through Bride’s Magazine.

And she met a young man as well. They didn’t have that much in common at first, but he was interested in her, and she became comfortable with him, and eventually decided she loved him. And since everyone else in their group of friends seemed to be getting engaged, eventually they did, too.

Yes, she was excited, and proudly showed off her ring to everyone. They made plans for their wedding in her hometown. She selected bridesmaids and chose their dresses. She and her mom selected a beaded satin wedding gown with a matching veil. She was excited and loved the dress, and all the other arrangements. It was going to be a beautiful wedding.

But the closer it got, the more nervous she became. She began to question her choices, and began wondering if she was doing the right thing. Was she ready? Was this guy really the right one? But all the arrangements had been made. They’d rented an apartment near the college to finish their senior year. Their new furniture was there waiting for them. 

But what if….? Was she really sure? What if she called it off? What about the invitations, the gifts, all the people they’d invited? The dresses? Her friends? And the embarrassment to her family. The wedding was a week away Surely this was normal wedding jitters.

Right?

The uneasiness continued all that week. Her fiancé arrived in town, with his parents and brother. Yeah, it would be a mess to walk away from everything now, wouldn’t it! But still…there was that nagging doubt. And a little fear.

Still, she just couldn’t get up the nerve to call it off. She knew she was just nervous and everything would be fine.

So when the wedding day came, she took a deep breath and walked down the aisle into her future with her new husband, with the song “We’ve only Just Begun” playing in her head.

And then, some three and a half tumultuous years later, that beginning ended. The white lace and promises in that song became a distant memory. 

What now?

Be sure to read White Lace and Promises, Part Two, to be published on February 7.

Are You Settling or Choosing?

Sometimes you hear a phrase that speaks volumes to you. That really makes you stop and think. That makes you pause and reflect and say to yourself…”I need to think about this…”

The other morning that happened to me.

What was that phrase?

“10 years from now, make sure you can say you chose your life. Not that you settled for it.”

That’s a tough one to think about, isn’t it? Because in all honesty, most of our lives are a combination of both.

Sometimes we make good decisions, good plans. And sometimes we don’t.

Sometimes we think carefully about our plans and decisions, talk them over with friends or family, weigh the pros and cons, and come up with what we think is the best plan. Sometimes it is; sometimes we find out years later it really wasn’t.

Sometimes we make long term

plans based on spur of the moment decisions, jumping into something because at the time it sounds perfect, almost too good to be true. And then find out we made a terrible mistake and have no good way to get out of it.

Many times we all look back at times in our lives and realize the plans we made, the decisions we made, were the wrong ones and wish we could undo them and start again.

Sometimes we make decisions because we don’t think we have a choice, don’t think a better opportunity will come along, and decide to make that step, even though we know deep down inside it’s not the right thing to do.

Does this resonate with any of you?

We may not have necessarily chosen the life we have right now. It may be the way it is because some one or some people made it the way it is. It was not our choice.

But….

We can choose how we handle today in order to make tomorrow more of our choice than settling for something else. Something easy. Something we know isn’t right for us, but we don’t think we have any other choice.

But let me tell you, we always have a choice. We can settle for status quo, decide that where we are now is where we’re always going to be. We can decide to just say “I’m done” and stop striving for more. And settle for what we have.

We can remain in the same place and give up trying to achieve what we know we want, because we’ve lost our hope.

Or…we can say to ourselves “I’m not settling for second best. Or third best. I’m not settling until I have what I know I deserve, and I’m choosing right now to make it happen. Somehow.”

You may not know how you’re going to do it, but just by making that determination, you’ve already started making it happen.

Yes, realizing our hopes and dreams, making our choices a reality, isn’t always easy. There are bumps along that road, but in the end, it’s worth it.

It won’t happen overnight. Anything worth waiting for never does.

But do you want to say in 10 years you settled, or do you want to say you gave it your best shot, and made your best choices?

You’re too old, you say? My friends, we’re never too old to make choices that we will live with the rest of our lives.

It’s your choice, and it’s up to you to make it. Do you settle or take a chance?

I know which one I’m taking!